Ardith,   
      
   AH>Hmm.  At least he made it to our place first... [chuckle].   
      
     LOL.   
      
   AH>Glad to hear that's working for you.  It didn't work for a guy we   
   AH>knew years ago... but then he'd eat three meals' worth of food at   
   AH>dinner.  :-Q   
      
     Today, I had 2 of the small dinners with french fries and chicken   
   nuggets...260 calories each...and drank some flavored water. I don't   
   know if I'll microwave a TV dinner (beef pot roast, or turkey and the   
   trimmings) or not. But, I hate to be a bad Sysop, and go to bed without   
   supper. :P   
      
     The thing is, I think they recommend a 2000 calorie a day diet...I'm   
   lucky if I've had half of that the last several weeks. I normally don't   
   eat breakfast, unless I'm up early for medical reasons, or to do a ham   
   radio license exam session. My big meal a day is lunch, then I eat a   
   light snack for dinner, if I'm so inclined. Otherwise, I drink flavored   
   water, and can drink 2 liters of that in a day.   
      
   AH>wearing a tired old bathrobe I got a strange look from the first   
   AH>person I met. But I was hemorrhaging, and she didn't offer to help   
   AH>me do the laundry.  Blood stains can be difficult to remove, as   
   AH>anybody who's watched CSI knows....  :-)   
      
     My Mom hemorrhaged severely when both myself and my brother were born,   
   21 months apart. We both were delivered by C-section...not vaginally.   
   You are right...it takes a strong detergent to remove blood stains.   
      
     I think about the cartoon where this young boy was involved in an   
   accident, and he's peering out the Emergency Room Door..as the doctor   
   tells his Mom "Your son has been in an accident...and I have to tell   
   you..." (as she says to herself "Oh, no!!")...then, the doctor continues   
   "He didn't have clean underwear on". Momma is screaming "NO!! NO!!   
   WHY??!! WHY??!!" .   
      
   AH>AFAIK babies don't care who sees them au naturel, and a woman who   
   AH>is about to give birth has other priorities too... [grin].   
      
     That's for sure. Being a widower, I know "we're the same from the back   
   side".    
      
   AH>The mothers of these girls almost invariably panicked, however,   
   AH>when their daughters threw up.  It often seemed to me that the   
   AH>dresses got more attention than the humans who were wearing them.   
      
     That's one thing the little ones know how to do...barf/puke. :P That's   
   my weak spot...sympathy sickness. If I hear/see/smell someone gagging or   
   vomiting, I'll do likewise in short order.   
      
     On another note, I remember one routine where the comedian noted "the   
   boys wearing their pants on backwards...rebelling against everything".   
   :P One time, I put a pair of long underwear on backwards, and didn't   
   realize it. My first thought was "CRAP!! They've sewn the fly shut"!! I   
   felt so stupid when I realized my error!! :P   
      
   AH>Our daughter wore simple clothing which didn't require much upkeep   
   AH>& which could easily be replaced, at little or no cost to us, with   
   AH>hand-me-downs from a charity resale shop or from a friend with two   
   AH>older boys.   
      
     I don't think my brother and I had "hand me downs". One couple of the   
   family (related to my late father's late brother), never took a suitcase   
   when they traveled. They had enough money (must be nice) that when the   
   clothes for them and their kids got dirty, they just bought themselves   
   new ones, and threw the old ones in the trash!! To me, that's a waste!!   
      
   AH>mother informed me that this woman... who was scheduled for surgery   
   AH>the same day... had spent an hour putting on makeup & painting her   
   AH>nails, only to be told by a nurse that she would have to remove the   
   AH>lot.  Then she complained to my mother, but didn't like the answer.   
      
     I would guess not.   
      
   AH>Apparently my mother said something along the lines of "With all that   
   AH>stuff on how will the doctor know if you're turning blue?"  Now   
   AH>you know where I get it from.  My chances of being the most glamorous   
   AH>female in the morgue are slim to zilch... but my parents survived   
   AH>to a ripe old age & I learned from them.  :-)   
      
     Good for you and your Mom!! That is too funny. :D   
      
     I may have posted this awhile back, but it's worth repeating. One   
   woman had dyed her pubic hair green (what in the world was she smoking   
   or snorting??!!), and had a tattoo near her pubic area as a sign saying   
   "Keep Off The Grass". Well, she had to be rushed in for an emergency   
   appendectomy (it would've gone into peritonitis, had it burst), and they   
   had to shave the area (bacteria LOVE to hide in any hair, anywhere). The   
   nurse, with an offbeat sense of humor, wrote on the woman's chart   
   "Sorry...had to mow the lawn!!" .   
      
     A retired nurse I know on Facebook, said when she was in a clinic that   
   did colonoscopies, that patients "paid her for permission to pass gas"   
   afterwards. Well, after all that air is injected into the rectum and   
   colon, you have to get rid of it.   
      
     Too bad one can't use that in ones vehicle...or I'd buy a case of   
   Bush's Baked Beans, get the secret formula from Duke (it'd be another   
   one...the original dog passed away), and tell OPEC what they could do   
   with the gas prices!! . Gas was low as $1.85 in Little Rock for   
   regular gas, just before Christmas. It has since started climing again   
   .   
      
     Comedian Jeff Foxworthy noted after he had his colonoscopy (which he   
   came through with no polyps, etc.), the following:   
      
     "I went through career day in high school. No one told me that you   
   could get paid good money for rating f@rts on a clipboard. I've got   
   friends who do that all the time for free!!". He continues with "While   
   she wants me to do this, and I need to this...I raised in the   
   South...and my Momma taught me never to do that in front of a   
   woman...especially in front of a woman you don't know".   
      
     In short "he locks up"...so, the nurse has him "assume the   
   position"...and he noted "What came out of me, was so loud, and so long,   
   that Fred Flintstone clocked out of work!!". He then asked the nurse if   
   he could go home, and she said "Please do!!" .   
      
     Plus, the animals flatulate, and look at you like "what's your   
   problem??!!". My late wife and I were otherwise "intimately occupied" on   
   the Futon shortly after we got married...and our dachshund was in his   
   bed next to it. All of a sudden, this horrid stench permeated our   
   nostrils...the dog had dropped a methane bomb!!   
      
     I was practically gagging, and my wife was laughing uncontrollably,   
   adding "You know he's down there, going "Hee Hee Hee!! Ignore my @$$,   
   will you??"!! I had to get dressed and take the weiner widget out for a   
   walk. :P   
      
   Daryl   
      
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