From: remus@panix.com

Jymesion  wrote:
> I'm trying a writing exercise re: descriptions. I can picture this but
> don't know if it'd click with anyone else:

> He smoothed his tie in his best Mr. Super-Suave manner as he strolled
> over to her desk.

> My back-brain is yelling about how horrible it is, but it fits all the
> guidelines I'm trying to follow.

   My diagnosis would be 'too many S-es'.  'Smoothed', 'best', 'Super-Suave',
'strolled', 'desk' -- these are all alliterative.  The sentence reads as if
whispered by a snake.

   Without knowing your guidelines I can't suggest a fix, but there are
easy synonyms that could completely change the feel of this sentence.

...                                                                  ...
Remus Shepherd 
   New Webcomic:  Genocide Man             http://www.genocideman.com/
   Life is funny.  Death is funnier.  Mass slaughter can be hilarious.

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