.guns,alt.religion.christian,comp.os.os2.advocacy   
   reports@scientology.org (Fred^4) wrote in    
   news:aPKdnfZTkotV2efNnZ2dnUVZ_rmdnZ2d@posted.sonicnet:   
      
   > 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.   
   > “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished   
   > cleaning.”   
   >    
   > 2. My mother taught me RELIGION.   
   > “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”   
   >    
   > 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.   
   > “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of    
   next   
   > week!”   
   >    
   > 4. My mother taught me LOGIC.   
   > “Because I said so, that’s why.”   
   >    
   > 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.   
   > ‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to    
   the   
   > store with me.”   
   >    
   > 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.   
   > “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”   
   >    
   > 7. My mother taught me IRONY.   
   > “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”   
   >    
   > 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.   
   > “Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”   
   >    
   > 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.   
   > “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”   
   >    
   > 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.   
   > “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”   
   >    
   > 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.   
   > “This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”   
   >    
   > 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.   
   > “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”   
   >    
   > 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.   
   > “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”   
   >    
   > 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.   
   > “Stop acting like your father!”   
   >    
   > 15. My mother taught me about ENVY.   
   > “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t    
   have   
   > wonderful parents like you do.”   
   >    
   > 16. My mother ! taught me about ANTICIPATION.   
   > “Just wait until we get home.”   
   >    
   > 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.   
   > “You are going to get it when you get home!”   
   >    
   > 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.   
   > “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that    
   way.”   
   >    
   > 19. My mother taught me ESP.   
   > “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”   
   >    
   > 20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.   
   > “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”   
   >    
   > 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.   
   > “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”   
   >    
   > 22. My mother taught me GENETICS.   
   > “You’re just like your father.”   
   >    
   > 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.   
   > “Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”   
   >    
   > 24. My mother taught me WISDOM.   
   > “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”   
   >    
   > 25. And my favourite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.   
   > “One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”   
   >    
   >    
      
   And yet, you've learned nothing.   
      
   --    
   Refusenik #1   
      
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