* Originally in: Clean Comedy   
    * Originally on: 04-16-13 05:33   
    * Originally by: Daryl Stout #1 @0*1   
      
     A church had been steadily losing members on Sunday mornings...and   
   each of them had a different excuse as to why they missed. So, they   
   decided to have a "No Excuses Sunday"...& to acquaint the members with   
   the program, the church printed the following in their order of worship.   
      
   			"No Excuse Sunday"   
      
      In order to make it posible for everyone to attend church next Sunday,   
   we have planned a special "No Excuse Sunday".   
      
    1. Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say "Sunday is my   
   only day to sleep in".   
      
    2. Eye drops will be available for those whose eyes are tired from   
   watching TV too late on Saturday night.   
      
    3. We will have steel helmets who believe the roof will cave in if they   
   show up for church.   
      
    4. Blankets will be furnished for those who complain that the church is   
   too cold. Fans will be on hand for those who say the church is too hot.   
      
    5. We will have hearing aids for the parishioners who say, "The pastor   
   doesn't talk loud enough". There will be cotton for those who say "The   
   pastor talks too loud".   
      
    6. Score cards will be available for those who wish to count the   
   hypocrites.   
      
    7. We guarantee that some relatives will be present for those who like   
   to go visiting on Sunday.   
      
    8. There will be TV dinners available for those who claim they can't go   
   to church, and cook dinner too.   
      
    9. One section of the church will have some trees in it for those who   
   see God in nature...especially on the golf course. With this in mind, a   
   golf course and lake will be provided for those who'd rather play golf   
   and fish on Sunday.   
      
   10. The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and   
   Easter lilies, to create a familiar environment for those who have never   
   seen the church without them.   
      
      
   Posted by VPost v1.7.081019   
                                                           
   --- Virtual Advanced Ver 2 for DOS    
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS (1:19/33)