Since it seems we actually have some lurkers at least, btw,   
   from the moderator, thanks for popping up and saying hi,   
   this will give you a laugh.   
      
   POsted by a sound reinforcement provider buddy of mine on   
   usenet:   
      
   RULES FOR BANDS   
      
   -Never start a trio with a married couple.   
   -Your manager's not helping you. Fire him/her.   
   -Before you sign a record deal, look up the word 'recoupable' in the   
   dictionary.   
   -No one cares who you've opened for...   
   -A string section does not make your songs sound any more important.   
   -If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, it's time to break up.   
   -When you talk on stage you are never funny.   
   -If you sound like another band, don't act like you're unfamiliar with their   
   music. "Oh does Rage Against The Machine also do rap-rock with political   
   lyrics?"   
   -Asking a crowd how they're doing is just amplified small talk. Don't do it.   
   -Don't say your video's being played if it's only on community TV.   
   -When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract ever.   
   Mention 'artistic freedom' and 'a guaranteed 3 record deal'.   
   -When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you asked   
   to be let go.   
   -Never name a song after your band.   
   -Never name your band after a song.   
   -When a drummer brings in his own songs and asks to perform one of them, begin   
   looking for a new drummer IMMEDIATELY.   
   -Never enter a Battle Of The Bands contest. If you do you're already a loser.   
   -Learn to recognise scary word pairings: rock opera, white rapper, blues jam,   
   swing band, open mike etc.   
   -Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both.   
   -Listen, either break it to your parents or we will - it's rock 'n' roll, not   
   a soccer game. They've gotta stop coming to your shows.   
   -It's not a 'showcase'. It's a gig that doesn't pay.   
   -No one cares that you have a MySpace page.   
   -Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to your feet.   
   -Don't hire a publicist.   
   -Playing a gig that requires an overnight stay somewhere doesn't mean you're   
   on tour.   
   -Don't join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, don't join a cover   
   band.   
   -Although they come in different styles and colours, electric guitars all   
   sound the same. Why do you keep changing them between songs?   
   -Don't stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. That's what   
   girlfriends/boyfriends are for.   
   -If you need a smoke machine your music sucks.   
   -We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover and   
   one you made with the iMac your parents got for Christmas.   
   -Remember, if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds play   
   them?   
   -If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it. You may never know where or   
   when it will turn up.   
   -Cut your hair, but do not shave your head.   
   -Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow.   
   -Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat.   
   -Rock oxymoron's; major label interest, demo deal, blues genius, $500   
   guarantee and Fastball's second hit.   
   -3 things that are never coming back: gongs, headbands and playing slide   
   guitar with a beer bottle.   
      
      
   Regards,   
              Richard   
   --- timEd 1.10.y2k+   
    * Origin:  (1:116/901)