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                            H U M O R   
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       Thanks to Vince Coen, 2:250/1 for this one :)   
      
       Vince says, "I don't think I will try any of these :)"   
      
       :)   
      
      
       RETIRED HUSBAND   
      
       After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her   
       trips to WalMart.  Unfortunately, like most men; I found   
       shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.  Equally   
       unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.   
       Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the   
       local WalMart:   
      
       Dear Mrs. Harris:   
      
       Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a   
       commotion, in our store.  We cannot tolerate this behavior and   
       have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.   
      
       Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed   
       below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:   
      
       1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in   
       other people's carts when they weren't looking.   
      
       2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at   
       5-minute intervals.   
      
       3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading   
       to the women's restroom.   
      
       4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official   
       voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares.  Get on it right away'.  This   
       caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a   
       reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union   
       grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the   
       company money.  We don't have a Code 3.   
      
       5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of   
       M&Ms on layaway.   
      
       6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted   
       area.   
      
       7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told   
       the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring   
       pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty   
       children obliged.   
      
       8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began   
       crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'   
       EMTs were called.   
      
       9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used   
       it as a mirror while he picked his nose.   
      
       10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,   
       he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.   
      
       11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while,   
       loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.   
      
       12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his,   
       'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.   
      
       13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed   
       through, yelled 'PICK ME!  PICK ME!'   
      
       14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,   
       he assumed a fetal position and screamed; 'OH NO!  IT'S THOSE   
       VOICES AGAIN!'   
      
       15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where   
       is the fitting room?   
      
       And last, but not least:   
      
       16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited   
       awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!  There's no toilet paper   
       in here.' One of the clerks passed out.   
      
       If you don't send this to your dearest friends; You will be   
       depriving them of some good humor.   
      
      
       FIDOGAZETTE  Vol 13 No 35    Page  3         August 28th, 2019   
      
      
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