MSGID: 2:221/6.0 5d1dd62c   
   REPLY: 2:221/6.0 5d1d3398   
   PID: JamNNTPd/Cygwin32 1.3 20190208   
   CHRS: LATIN-1 2   
   TZUTC: 0300   
   TID: hpt/w32-mvc 1.9.0-cur 2019-01-08   
   Hi, Anton Shepelev : All!   
   I read your message from 04.07.2019 02:00   
      
      
    AS> Since it is much easier to indicate motes in others' eyes  than  to   
    AS> notice beams in one's own,  I will now try to translate a piece  of   
    AS> artistic prose.  Prepare your brushes,  for motes are going to come   
    AS> aplenty.  Besides the general clumsiness of my rendition, I am lost   
    AS> in tenses, weak in vocabulary, and often have a hard time linking a   
    AS> couple of words into a phrase,  let  alone  composing  a  sentence.   
    AS> Translating  an  accomplished  writer  is   more   difficult   than   
    AS> expressing one's own simple thoughts.  I will be greateful  if  you   
    AS> indicate, and help me correct, my errors and stylistic blunders and   
    AS> screamers:   
      
   As I see it, the original text is very strong and succulent. Probably, you   
   should apply to a bilingual person -- IMHO only he/she can help you in   
   checking your translation.   
      
   Also you should at first tell people about the author and the novel, or at   
   least to tell who was that El... Bianca. A puppy.   
      
   I, of course, cannot help you. I only will drop some remarks on the first   
   paragraph. But I want to share with you my idea how to translate books from   
   Russian. From my experience, I've learned the main rule -- if you want   
   translate from Russian, your English version must be two times more clear and   
   understandable than the original. Many things that seems clear to a Russian   
   reader are not so clear to the English one. And probably you should use more   
   common words, for instance instead of "bole" -> "trunk".   
      
    AS> An exercise in transation   
   I strongly recommend you to learn how to use a spell checker.   
      
    AS> Lying on wet  snow  in  wait  of  a  near  death,  Bianca  suddenly   
    AS> remembered the smell of her mother woven from weak, barely recalled   
    AS> odours: of her warm thick milk, of dry hay with patches of withered   
    AS> bluebottles,  of smokily smoldering folliage that people burned  at   
    AS> their summer houses that very first autumn of her commencing life.   
      
    AS> The odour of smoldering leaves was  one  of  the  very  first,  and   
    AS> therefore special:  pungent,  thick,  comprising all that the brief   
    AS> earthly life of any leaf can have imbided:  from  a  sticky  button   
    AS> shooting towards warmth unto a doomed descent to the cold  body  of   
    AS> the earth.  Late September was pining  away,  and  the  trees  were   
    AS> shedding leaves all around.  The mapple  covered  the  still  green   
    AS> grass with a lush mandarine blanket. Lazily yet somehow in concert,   
    AS> the poplars shaked off their last  ashen  fluff.  The  old  willow,   
    AS> whose bole only three men could embrace,  littered the ground  with   
    AS> its tiny leaves inelegantly and widely (? -- too wide around?). But   
    AS> in sunny places rowan trees were still posing daintily,  clothed in   
    AS> dim purple,  the heavy bunches of their berries slightly touched by   
    AS> nightly  colds,   whereas  a  light  yolkish  yellow  entwined  the   
    AS> tremulous aspens.   
      
   foliage   
   leaf can have _imbibed_   
   to the cooling earth body.   
   maple   
   with a lush orange blanket   
   shook off   
      
   Bye, Anton!   
   Alexander Koryagin   
   english_tutor 2019   
      
   ---   
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