Hey Nancy!   
      
   Apr 03 17:13 06, Nancy Backus wrote to Maurice Kinal:   
      
    NB> The basic reasons are, of course, pretty much the same for both... eg   
    NB> companionship, love, sexuality, security, acceptance...   
      
   I am not convinced, although I have heard that and have actually thought that   
   as well.  However when push comes to shove those attributes seem to be the   
   first to fall by the wayside for some strange reason.   
      
    NB> Not that one   
    NB> always gets what they thought* they'd get...  (and that goes for both   
    NB> wanting one and wanting to be one)   
      
   Why do you suppose that is?  Seems to me if the attributes that they were   
   seeking were genuine in both then there shouldn't be a problem, or at least   
   wrt what they wanted, if indeed they were being honest about what they wanted.   
      
    NB> I was musing out loud about people in general, not really about    
    NB> anyone   
    NB> in particular... :)   
      
   Understood.  I was assuming that was the case.   
      
    NB> When one looks at marriage in general, and the   
    NB> expectations of spouses of each other, there is QUITE the list of   
    NB> possible duties/responsibilities.   
      
   I thought all that was covered by the basic wants?   
      
    NB> Husbands expect wives to do stuff   
    NB> they (the husbands) would rather not do, and vice versa...     
      
   Then that husband wasn't being honest wrt the basic wants of a relationship.   
       
    NB> Sometimes the division of labor makes sense, sometimes not...  :)     
      
   Yes but those labours have little to do with a relationship or not seeing as   
   they exist without a relationship.  The dishes don't do themselves.   
      
    NB> But   
    NB> there's things like being the "trophy wife", being a "sugar daddy",   
      
   I've seen that.  Quite common actually but usually outside of the actual   
   relationship and both are equally guilty of 'cheating' as it is commonly   
   called.   
      
    NB> entertaining, raising the kids, being the schedule coordinator for    
    NB> the   
    NB> whole family, transporting the kids to all their myriad activities    
    NB> and   
    NB> appointments, cooking, cleaning, laundry, handling the finances, yard   
    NB> work, doing the taxes, etc, etc....   :)   
      
   All exist outside of a male/female relationship.  I see many women these days   
   doing all the above without a husband.  Occasionally even men and they have   
   additional baggage thrown at them simply because society is suspicious of men   
   doing those tasks without a wife, trophy or otherwise.   
      
    NB> Of course, in a good marriage, many of these will end up being done    
    NB> by   
    NB> both spouses, either in turn or in conjunction, or being the care of    
    NB> one   
    NB> better suited than the other, or be considered not at all important    
    NB> for   
    NB> anyone to do...  :)   
      
   If dishes were wishes ...  :-)   
      
    NB> Not sure whether I'd like to have one or that you would?   
      
   I haven't met one ... yet.   
      
    NB> Or that, if    
    NB> I   
    NB> did get one whether it would meet my expectations...?    Oh, I    
    NB> know   
    NB> better in reality...     
      
   Yeah.  Stinkin' reality.   
      
    NB> People being people, and certainly not perfect or ideal specimens,    
    NB> they   
    NB> come complete with lots of faults which one has to put up with along   
    NB> with all that they could be doing for one...     
      
   For sure.  Sigh.   
      
   Life is good,   
   Maurice   
      
   --- Msged/LNX 6.2.0   
    * Origin: The Pointy Stick Society XVII - When I was ... (1:261/38.9)