Re: Daughter Advice   
     By: Steve Wolf to All on Sun Apr 10 2016 04:02:01   
      
    SW>  I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We haven't seen   
    SW> each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding myself in "Un-Charted   
    SW> Waters". Do I act like her father? A friend? Her uncle? What? I don't   
    SW> know much about her so I don't want to overwhelm her with questions. How   
    SW> should I procede? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks   
      
     Well, Steve, congrats, first, on reconnecting with your daughter.  I hope   
   things go as smoothly as something like this can go.   
     The closest thing that I've had to an experience like this was with a little   
   girl whose mother I was dating while she was pregnant from a guy before me.  I   
   ended up raising her as my own, pretty much, for the first several years, and   
   maintained close ties with the family after I was no longer with her mother.    
   We all remained friends, though this eventually changed due to the husband   
   getting jealous at a later point.  At that point, probably around 7 or 8 years   
   of age, I think, I lost contact with her until she was about 16 or 17.   
     I was very much in the same situation as you at that point, I think.  I   
   didn't know how to talk to her, how to relate to her, how to treat her...  I   
   tried to just be a friend, to talk to her openly and honestly about whatever   
   she wanted to talk about, at the level of an equal, trying to respect her   
   maturity.   
     I never did get to see her too much after that point because of circumstances   
   being what they were, and I don't really have contact with her any more.  She   
   wanted to stay in better contact, but things made it impossible.   
     I guess I don't really know much what to tell you other than just go   
   overboard with communication about what is going on from your side of things,   
   if nothing else.  I mean let her know that you don't know because this is all   
   new to you, just like it is to her.  It's hardly going to be a routine   
   situation for her, either, so she should respect it and understand it.  Also   
   understand that misunderstandings and misconceptions will arise, just try to   
   deal with them maturely.  She'll be looking to your opinion on things, no   
   matter what may have transpired in the interim.   
     I don't know if that helps at all, just my $.02.  I hope you find more time   
   with her than I was able to with the little one that I helped raise for so   
   long.   
      
     -D   
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