Hello Steve.   
      
   10 Apr 16 08:56, Ruben Figueroa wrote to you:   
      
    SW>> I have recently connected with my 18 year old daughter. We   
    SW>> haven't seen each other since she was 8 years old. I'm finding   
    SW>> myself in "Un-Charted Waters". Do I act like her father? A   
    SW>> friend? Her uncle? What? I don't know much about her so I don't   
    SW>> want to overwhelm her with questions. How should I procede? Any   
    SW>> advice would be greatly   
      
    RF> Never been in those shoes.  But I will give you what I think.   
      
   I have been in those shoes several times in my life. I have found   
   several of my children after 20-30 years of not seeing them or knowing   
   how or where they were. Several were about five years old the last time   
   I saw them.   
      
      
    RF> 1. You have not been involved in her life as her dad, but you are   
    RF> genetically.   
      
   This is true.   
      
    RF> 2. Since you haven't been, then talk to her as another adult   
      
   Yes, you are her father. But don't automatically assume that there will   
   be a normal father-daughter bond or relationship. Your first impulse might   
   be to smother her with all the feelings and emotions that you have stored up   
   inside. I KNOW that feeling and I know that it might be hard to resist but   
   try not to overwhelm her.   
      
    RF> 3. Only offer guidance, advice and opinions when she asks is receptive   
    RF> to that and you will know because she will prompt you   
      
   Talk to her. Show your interest in her and her life. But respect her and   
   the thoughts and the feelings that she has about life and about you.   
      
    RF> 4. Be there for here as any adult with someone they care about and   
    RF> make sure to listen and refrain from trying to fix anything   
      
   Be there for her to talk to or see. In many ways you and her are strangers   
   to each other. It will take time to build a relationship that is acceptable   
   to you both. Be willing to accept that your relationship with your daughter   
   might not end up being exactly what you wanted it to be.   
      
    RF> 5. Treat her like a new friend that you want to be on better terms   
    RF> with Last of all do not set any rules, but you can set boundaries   
    RF> (what/how you live your life and what you will or definitely will not   
    RF> do)   
      
   Setting minimum and/or maximum limits on the type of relationship that   
   you want with her is only likely to push her away. You may not have your   
   own limits on what you are willing to do for her. But you need to set limits   
   on what you will actually do. It is important to be honest with her when   
   talking to her.   
      
      
    RF> Don't know if this is any good.  I imagine over time with the   
    RF> development of your relationship with her you can development a   
    RF> structure of father and daughter wherein she recoginizes you as such.   
    RF> But she has to acknowledge that role, you can't impose it.   
      
   True. Again the relationshp that you and her end up having has to be based   
   on honest feelings that both of you have for each other. Regardless of how   
   deep or complete that relationship actually turns out to be.   
      
   My relationship with one son that I haven't seen in in over 30 years is   
   starting   
   to grow nicely. While my relationship with another son after not seeing him for   
   25 years has reached a point that is not nearly as close as _I_ would like it   
   to be. But it is a relationship that we both can accept. They both know that I   
   have   
   both an ear and a shoulder for them if they ever should need one.   
      
    RF> Best wishes.   
      
    RF> -*- Open!EDIT v0.99k+   
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   Jeff   
      
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