-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 14-Aug-2015 06:55 <=-   
       
    NB>> Somehow got ahead of myself with the last message... out of sequence...   
    NB>> now going back to the older packets... ;)   
    DAG> I think that might've been my system's fault at this point.    
      
   No, it was mine, pure and simple... I have a stack of BW message packets   
   on the computer, and it was more than a page in the reader listing, so I   
   ended up answering a message in a newer packet before doing the older   
   packets... :)   
      
    DAG> I used to have a problem where the Synchronet BBS process would jump   
    DAG> up to 100% CPU usage, and totally stop importing any messages to   
    DAG> networked message areas.  My guess is that it stopped sending outbound   
    DAG> at the same time.  Anyway I was wondering why things had been so quiet   
    DAG> for a few days, took a look at the process list, saw that was the   
    DAG> case, and fixed it a few days ago...  So there might have been a small   
    DAG> deluge of messages that'd be held up on my system. Unless it was just   
    DAG> an error on your part in which case shame, shame.  ;)    
      
   Getting them out of sequence was my error... and the packets were   
   probably before your episode... ;)  I'd guess that any messages on your   
   end that got liberated finally were in the batch that I finally got to   
   when I first got back from the latest trip... ;)   
      
    NB>> Tight circumstances certainly complicate financial planning, make for   
    NB>> a lot more juggling... ;)   
    DAG> It's something I'm used to, but looking forward to giving up, while   
    DAG> trying to stay somewhat reasonably frugal.  Juggling is tough; I spent   
    DAG> an entire summer trying to teach myself to do it with balanced   
    DAG> objects...  Financial instruments don't balance nearly as easily.  ;)   
      
   With any luck, they'll not be made of glass and shatter when you drop   
   them...    Seriously, though, staying reasonably frugal makes good   
   sense... then when the inevitable down times come, one is in a better   
   position to weather them, both by practice and by not already being   
   over-extended...  :)   
       
    DAG>>> of that. It's that kind of situation that makes my agoraphobic   
    DAG>>> tendencies flare up.   
    NB>> Understood... not so much an excuse as an explanation....   
    DAG> Well, I perhaps overcompensate for the fact that a lot of people   
    DAG> view these kinds of issues as completely head games or excuses for   
    DAG> losers/lazy people. The stigma with mental illness, if you want to go   
    DAG> all out and call it that, is heavy and burdensome.  So I try to make a   
    DAG> little joke about it now and then to defuse any of those   
    DAG> pure-of-thought Sith out there who are planning on telling me that I   
    DAG> have a weak mind and need longer bootstraps.  ;)    
      
   Indeed.  Unbroken bootstraps might be helpful... but those calling for   
   their use rarely supply the need... ;0   
      
    NB>> Becomes almost a Catch-22...  Another reason for somehow managing to get   
    NB>> that inner balance stabilized, so that circumstances don't knock you off   
    NB>> center so easily...   
    DAG> It does very easily.  I've fallen out of habit with running and   
    DAG> meditating again lately, too (medication went into flux for a few   
    DAG> days).  Hell, it got stressful enough from the med flux that I actually   
    DAG> picked up smoking for a little bit again, too.  :(  Those catch-22s are   
    DAG> horribly easy to fall back into; I hang onto that stability like it's   
    DAG> the last warm piece of wreckage from the titanic when I can.    
      
   Shoulda been running and meditating instead of picking up the smoking,   
   after all... ;)  But yeah, I hear you... :)   
      
    DAG> I just wish the VA would find some more reliable, and less   
    DAG> down-to-the-minute way to send my medications, so that if something   
    DAG> does go wrong, I don't have to go all up and down the taper again and   
    DAG> deal with The Fears during the time my brain is resetting.    
      
   That's part of the problem with needing meds... no way to have a more   
   reliable way of getting them than what you have now...?  And probably no   
   way to build yourself a small emergency stockpile to tide you over when   
   this sort of thing happens...  You'd think that the VA would recognize   
   the importance of keeping the meds stable to keep you stable...   
      
   Continuing in next message...  ;)   
      
   ttyl        neb   
      
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