-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 01-Aug-2015 12:47 <=-   
      
   Somehow got ahead of myself with the last message... out of sequence...   
   now going back to the older packets... ;)   
       
    DAG> finally caught up.  I've been working on reducing any unnecessary   
    DAG> spending as much as possible in order to be able to do this. Balancing   
    DAG> future needs with present needs is always a little difficult for me in   
    DAG> tight circumstances, though.    
      
   Tight circumstances certainly complicate financial planning, make for a   
   lot more juggling... ;)   
      
    NB>> Sounds to me as though perhaps you are expecting both too much of the   
    NB>> library and too much trouble from the inner city... Starting small with   
    NB>> the miniscule branch might not be the worst thing, and perhaps the inner   
    NB>> city isn't quite as bad as you fear...?  Of course, true, I don't know   
    NB>> the particulars of your town... but I do have some experience in   
    NB>> actually living in the "bad part" of town, and finding it not as scary   
    NB>> as purported...  :)   
    DAG> Well okay I'm gonna go ahead and rephrase this in terms of my   
    DAG> agoraphobia. When things aren't going the absolute best for me, I have   
    DAG> some serious terms in going out into any place where I can't avoid   
    DAG> other people, unless it's people that I already know well.  I'm trying   
    DAG> not to just pull this out of my ass as an excuse; at times it can be an   
    DAG> excuse, but lately I haven't been doing too well with the combination   
    DAG> of that, being stuck in a quagmire that was making me unable to produce   
    DAG> anything decently while work was paying me significantly per hour, then   
    DAG> hours were cut, my money was lost, and a bit of self-esteem temporarily   
    DAG> went out the window with all of that.  It's that kind of situation that   
    DAG> makes my agoraphobic tendencies flare up.   
      
   Understood... not so much an excuse as an explanation....   
      
    DAG> It gets bad enough so that I can't even go out for my daily run and   
    DAG> do the things that I need to for personal maintenance and coping   
    DAG> unless I do them early or late enough (and lately I haven't been   
    DAG> able to do it late at all) to avoid almost all people along the way.   
      
   Becomes almost a Catch-22...  Another reason for somehow managing to get   
   that inner balance stabilized, so that circumstances don't knock you off   
   center so easily...   
      
    DAG> It's not so much the 'bad part of town' aspect, it's simple   
    DAG> population density.  I hate driving there, the bus to get there is hell   
    DAG> for me if I don't have a couple of xanax under my tongue, and I know   
    DAG> that place is beautiful and expansive, precisely what we're looking   
    DAG> for, but I need to be able to deal with it first at this phase.    
      
   So it's mostly the getting there, but also a little of the "new people   
   to deal with" that holds you back...?   
      
    DAG> It sucks when I know that my own issues are holding back my son's   
    DAG> abilities like this at times.  At least his ability to get out and   
    DAG> socialize a little bit more.  That being said, with the fiscal   
    DAG> situation getting back together, my coping mechanisms back in place,   
    DAG> and the hours cap being restored (though only to halfway of the max   
    DAG> that it'd gone to before), my esteem is rising a bit again towards the   
    DAG> point where I might be able to consider this soon.   
    DAG> If nothing else there's a knitting class that's free if you bring   
    DAG> your own supplies at the library branch that we go to (miniscule) that   
    DAG> I want to try out at some point even if I'm all agoraphobic just for   
    DAG> more practice working through it.  Seems like a calm enough setting to   
    DAG> start with.    
      
   And learning to work through the agoraphobia is a very good exercise. :)     
   The knitting could be useful, too... ;)   And having something to keep   
   your mind and fingers occupied can get the mind off the fears as well...   
      
    NB>> As long as it's only temporary, it's best to not get too upset by it...   
    NB>> and hopefully, it won't happen again....   
    DAG> Finances are separate from our employer now.  I made sure of that.    
    DAG> I won't be losing money to something like this again.  Heh.   
      
   Good.  :)   
       
    NB>>> For sure it gets easier when you have a more settled environment...   
    NB>> True... there's training for yourself there, too... training yourself to   
    NB>> keep your balance despite the vagaries of life... so as to be able to   
    NB>> help him keep his balance...  :)   
    DAG> I've got my balancing pole and I'm tryin' to use it.  ;)   
      
   Keep at it...  :)   
       
    NB>> Hope things have gotten more back to normal by now...  :)   
    DAG> It took awhile, but they're definitely doing better as of the last   
    DAG> week. Hell, just yesterday I finally got through the quagmire on that   
    DAG> coding project. I mean I've billed these guys for over a hundred hours   
    DAG> on this stuff and they haven't been able to see any result at all.    
    DAG> Until yesterday.  I finally got it working.  That was the deepest delve   
    DAG> I've gone into on this code so far and the fact that I got out   
    DAG> successfully and with their feature implemented, even after so long,   
    DAG> makes me feel great.  Plus now I know how everything is structured in   
    DAG> there, so anything that I might have to do after this point is going   
    DAG> to take a fraction of the time of this particular job.  God that had me   
    DAG> feeling out, exposed, and like doom was coming for me for awhile.  I am   
    DAG> definitely not secure in my feelings/experience as a developer yet.   
       
   Bravo on the accomplishment... :)  Keep that in mind to balance out the   
   insecurities that are sure to arise again...  :)  A few more triumphs   
   like that, and maybe you can dispel the naysayers in your mind...  :)   
      
   ttyl        neb   
      
   ... For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.   
      
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