Re: Summer plans  was: shinies and sickies   
     By: Nancy Backus to Damon A. Getsman on Sat Jul 25 2015 23:14:02   
      
    NB> Ah, so that's how it happened... I might have guessed... :)  Being so   
    NB> far behind, though, I can hope that things are starting to resolve   
    NB> themselves by now...  :)   I'd guess that it wasn't an intentional   
    NB> error, though, some people just aren't good at careful accounting... :|   
      
     Yeah there might be enough to start Aikido now...  I got paid back a   
   significant portion and some more pay ran through.  Problem is that we had both   
   gotten chopped back to 5hrs/wk/head, so it's not nearly what it should be.    
   That being said, I hate to wait any longer to get him into Aikido.  That was   
   supposed to be part of what was good, or at least regular/consistent, about   
   summer, and there's only like a month of that left.  I think I'm gonna take him   
   on Monday and try to get that finally caught up.  I've been working on reducing   
   any unnecessary spending as much as possible in order to be able to do this.    
   Balancing future needs with present needs is always a little difficult for me   
   in tight circumstances, though.   
      
    NB> Sounds to me as though perhaps you are expecting both too much of the   
    NB> library and too much trouble from the inner city... Starting small with   
    NB> the miniscule branch might not be the worst thing, and perhaps the inner   
    NB> city isn't quite as bad as you fear...?  Of course, true, I don't know   
    NB> the particulars of your town... but I do have some experience in   
    NB> actually living in the "bad part" of town, and finding it not as scary   
    NB> as purported...  :)    
      
     Well okay I'm gonna go ahead and rephrase this in terms of my agoraphobia.    
   When things aren't going the absolute best for me, I have some serious terms in   
   going out into any place where I can't avoid other people, unless it's people   
   that I already know well.  I'm trying not to just pull this out of my ass as an   
   excuse; at times it can be an excuse, but lately I haven't been doing too well   
   with the combination of that, being stuck in a quagmire that was making me   
   unable to produce anything decently while work was paying me significantly per   
   hour, then hours were cut, my money was lost, and a bit of self-esteem   
   temporarily went out the window with all of that.  It's that kind of situation   
   that makes my agoraphobic tendencies flare up.  It gets bad enough so that I   
   can't even go out for my daily run and do the things that I need to for   
   personal maintenance and coping unless I do them early or late enough (and   
   lately I haven't been able to do it late at all) to avoid almost all people   
   along the way.   
     It's not so much the 'bad part of town' aspect, it's simple population   
   density.  I hate driving there, the bus to get there is hell for me if I don't   
   have a couple of xanax under my tongue, and I know that place is beautiful and   
   expansive, precisely what we're looking for, but I need to be able to deal with   
   it first at this phase.  It sucks when I know that my own issues are holding   
   back my son's abilities like this at times.  At least his ability to get out   
   and socialize a little bit more.  That being said, with the fiscal situation   
   getting back together, my coping mechanisms back in place, and the hours cap   
   being restored (though only to halfway of the max that it'd gone to before), my   
   esteem is rising a bit again towards the point where I might be able to   
   consider this soon.   
     If nothing else there's a knitting class that's free if you bring your own   
   supplies at the library branch that we go to (miniscule) that I want to try out   
   at some point even if I'm all agoraphobic just for more practice working   
   through it.  Seems like a calm enough setting to start with.   
      
    NB> As long as it's only temporary, it's best to not get too upset by it...   
    NB> and hopefully, it won't happen again....    
      
     Finances are separate from our employer now.  I made sure of that.  I won't   
   be losing money to something like this again.  Heh.   
      
    NB>>> For sure it gets easier when you have a more settled environment...   
    NB> True... there's training for yourself there, too... training yourself to   
    NB> keep your balance despite the vagaries of life... so as to be able to   
    NB> help him keep his balance...  :)   
      
     I've got my balancing pole and I'm tryin' to use it.  ;)   
      
    NB> Hope things have gotten more back to normal by now...  :)   
      
     It took awhile, but they're definitely doing better as of the last week.    
   Hell, just yesterday I finally got through the quagmire on that coding project.   
   I mean I've billed these guys for over a hundred hours on this stuff and they   
   haven't been able to see any result at all.  Until yesterday.  I finally got it   
   working.  That was the deepest delve I've gone into on this code so far and the   
   fact that I got out successfully and with their feature implemented, even after   
   so long, makes me feel great.  Plus now I know how everything is structured in   
   there, so anything that I might have to do after this point is going to take a   
   fraction of the time of this particular job.  God that had me feeling out,   
   exposed, and like doom was coming for me for awhile.  I am definitely not   
   secure in my feelings/experience as a developer yet.   
      
    NB> Doesn't hurt to have someone to tell them to...  ;)  And correspondence   
    NB> can help you keep your perspective... :)   
      
     Well thank you for helping me with that.  ;)   
     I'm out to find some more messages to reply to, since I've actually got some   
   time to get to it today.  I'm sure you'll get more in your inbox from me soon.    
   Best wishes!   
      
     -D   
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