-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 01-Mar-2015 04:34 <=-   
      
    NB>> Kids can be opportunists, for sure..  ;)   But having that openness is   
    NB>> so crucial to helping our kids grow up... And if they know that we can   
    NB>> and will answer questions, they don't have to go elsewhere to find   
    NB>> answers... and hopefully thereby avoid some of the pitfalls...   
      
    DAG> I've always thought so.  One of the biggest mistakes that screwed me   
    DAG> over in ways that still occasionally hurt me to this day is the fact   
    DAG> that my parents kept everything a secret from me.  Absolutely   
    DAG> everything.  They were always too tired to explain things, too.  I've   
    DAG> tried to make sure I never repeat those mistakes.  I may've gone to the   
    DAG> other extreme, but I don't think it's as bad as throwing a kid to the   
    DAG> wolves when he's 17 and has no place to go or no money to his name   
    DAG> (because of not letting him work).    
      
   If one is going to one extreme or other, my preference would certainly   
   be for telling too much than in not teaching at all... And I'd much   
   rather my child ask me instead of looking for answers in the wrong   
   places...  :)   
      
    DAG> Oh there are people helping out.  I don't have much of a support net   
    DAG> here yet, though.  I really do need to make some good friends who,   
    DAG> hopefully, have a few in their number that have kids, or are good with   
    DAG> them, and are truly good people.  I meet people so slowly, though, at   
    DAG> least in this yuppie neighborhood, that it's a little discouraging.    
      
   Another place that having a job would help... not just in being able to   
   be in a better-for-you neighborhood, but also having more contacts   
   yourself just in the normal day-to-day...   
      
    DAG> I'd love for him to have role models behind myself, though.  I keep   
    DAG> hoping he'll get some friends with good, successful, and altruistic   
    DAG> parents.  I had a few friends like that when I was a kid, and though my   
    DAG> own parents went out of their way to shelter me to extremes, they saw   
    DAG> that and compensated by trying to show me what effort and experience   
    DAG> were worth, and made sure that I at least got some.  They felt bad for   
    DAG> me.  I hope that it's not a situation just like this with my son,   
    DAG> obviously, but I miss the few friends he had who would have him over   
    DAG> for dinner with successful, and good parenting influence, kinds of   
    DAG> people at times.    
      
   Getting more settled and less transient should help there..  :)     
      
    NB>> But, yes... filling in that sort of lack (for you rather than your son)   
    NB>> is a good thing, too...  ;)  Admitting that one does need help, either   
    NB>> for one's self or for one's charges, can be difficult, admittedly... :)   
    NB>> And getting past the old crap in one's life often needs a little help,   
    NB>> too... at least in the form of support, and helpful advice...  :)   
      
    DAG> I'm all about looking into the blind spots when I become aware of   
    DAG> them.  One of my goals in this life other than to make sure that my son   
    DAG> has what he needs to go forward and succeed in this troubling world is   
    DAG> to always make sure that I am bettering myself.  I know that I have   
    DAG> millions of blind spots from the way that I was raised, antisocially   
    DAG> and in a horribly sheltered and abused cult. Sometimes hearing those   
    DAG> things that need to be changed is painful, but I've learned to not   
    DAG> respond badly, but to introspect, and find out if there is something   
    DAG> valid that I need to work on with it.    
      
   And as you go along, you'll probably be finding some of those blind   
   spots yourself... being revealed as you start to put pieces together   
   from what others tell you...  :)   
      
    DAG> Heh.  I was kind of discussing a small amount of this with an   
    DAG> employer the other day during an interview, sans the abuse and   
    DAG> antisocial talk.  ;)   
      
   Talking it up as a positive, that you've learned to learn from   
   others...?  ;)   
      
    DAG> I find that kind of help invaluable.  I hope that I'm in a situation   
    DAG> again soon where I have people around that can help me with that more.   
       
   That would be a good thing, to be sure.. :)   
      
    NB>> Working on it together's a good thing.  :)  It's not too late to rein it   
    NB>> in with him, as long as he doesn't think you are just being arbitrary...   
      
    DAG> No, things are getting better for both of us.  I still need to work   
    DAG> on it probably a little bit more than him to set the right example, but   
    DAG> he's doing very good, even around the house where I've let him get away   
    DAG> with it, so long as it's only him, my roommate, and I.   
      
   You have more years of having done it wrong to re-learn patterns from,   
   after all... ;)  And probably the more important lesson he can be   
   learning from this is that something can be appropriate in one setting,   
   but totally inappropriate in another...  :)  and how to tell the   
   difference.... ;)   
       
    NB>> It comes with practice... :)   
      
    DAG> Ah the mental training.  Yes.  I missed most of mine today, and I've   
    DAG> suffered a little bit for it.  It's amazing how much of a difference on   
    DAG> a daily basis that time training the mind helps.   
      
   Mental training, yes... and also putting it into daily life practice. :)    
      
    NB>> All Right....  :)  So now he has something to read and keep him   
    NB>> occupied happily...  :)   
      
    DAG> Hell yeah.  He's in love with his tablet.  That reminds me,   
    DAG> DragonLance is on it, now I need to configure his reader for him.   
      
   Get on it...      
       
    NB>> There's some good teachers at that school, for sure... Did he enjoy   
    NB>> being part of the play...?   :)   
      
    DAG> He did, actually.  The videos are huge or I'd post 'em all over.  It   
    DAG> was definitely the best elementary school play I've ever seen and all   
    DAG> written by the teachers and a couple of writers in the area--- and   
    DAG> lines by the students themselves, too!  For the shortcomings of this   
    DAG> school, which are legion in the bureaucratic areas, I'll admit this   
    DAG> 'arts-focus school' really does drive home some damn good programs in   
    DAG> those areas.    
      
   Bureaucracy is often a bugaboo even with good schools... but teachers   
   make the biggest difference...  :)  And outside support doesn't hurt,   
   either...  :)   
      
    NB>> That can be an unhappy side effect of transient living... exposure   
    NB>> to new bugs all the time..  :)  Now maybe you've built up your   
    NB>> immune systems for the new place...  :)   
      
    DAG> I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  ;)  My immune system feels strong   
    DAG> like bull, though.  I think we're over the hump. :)   
      
   One certainly hopes..  :)   
      
    DAG> Catch ya more later.  It's 4:30am, I should probably be getting some   
    DAG> sleep. *grin*   
      
   Yeah.... I suppose you should be...    I'm waiting for the rest of   
   the good news you've promised us, too...  :)   
      
   ttyl            neb    
      
   ... I understand the answers, the questions throw me.   
      
   --- EzyBlueWave V3.00 01FB001F   
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