Re: Re: Updates on intermittently transient living for 2 years w/son   
     By: Nancy Backus to Damon A. Getsman on Sun Mar 01 2015 01:25:00   
      
    NB> Kids can be opportunists, for sure..  ;)   But having that openness is   
    NB> so crucial to helping our kids grow up... And if they know that we can   
    NB> and will answer questions, they don't have to go elsewhere to find   
    NB> answers... and hopefully thereby avoid some of the pitfalls...   
      
     I've always thought so.  One of the biggest mistakes that screwed me over in   
   ways that still occasionally hurt me to this day is the fact that my parents   
   kept everything a secret from me.  Absolutely everything.  They were always too   
   tired to explain things, too.  I've tried to make sure I never repeat those   
   mistakes.  I may've gone to the other extreme, but I don't think it's as bad as   
   throwing a kid to the wolves when he's 17 and has no place to go or no money to   
   his name (because of not letting him work).   
      
    NB>>> where possible, find others to help fill in the lacks...  :)   
    DAG>> That last part is what I was gonna say.  People that can help point   
    DAG>> out what might lay in my blind spots have been invaluable to my   
    DAG>> personal development.     
      
    NB> I was more thinking of people that could supply some of what your son   
    NB> needs that you aren't able to necessarily supply... like the wonderful   
    NB> couple at our church that filled in as sorta "foster parents" to our son   
    NB> during his turbulent teen years... they made it so that there were other   
    NB> stable adults in his life to model, and that he knew cared about him.    
    NB> We were still able to talk with him, even then, but it was very nice to   
    NB> know that there were others that had our back, and that also cared about   
    NB> our son...  ;)   
      
     Oh there are people helping out.  I don't have much of a support net here   
   yet, though.  I really do need to make some good friends who, hopefully, have a   
   few in their number that have kids, or are good with them, and are truly good   
   people.  I meet people so slowly, though, at least in this yuppie neighborhood,   
   that it's a little discouraging.  I'd love for him to have role models behind   
   myself, though.  I keep hoping he'll get some friends with good, successful,   
   and altruistic parents.  I had a few friends like that when I was a kid, and   
   though my own parents went out of their way to shelter me to extremes, they saw   
   that and compensated by trying to show me what effort and experience were   
   worth, and made sure that I at least got some.  They felt bad for me.  I hope   
   that it's not a situation just like this with my son, obviously, but I miss the   
   few friends he had who would have him over for dinner with successful, and good   
   parenting influence, kinds of people at times.   
      
    NB> But, yes... filling in that sort of lack (for you rather than your son)   
    NB> is a good thing, too...  ;)  Admitting that one does need help, either   
    NB> for one's self or for one's charges, can be difficult, admittedly... :)   
    NB> And getting past the old crap in one's life often needs a little help,   
    NB> too... at least in the form of support, and helpful advice...  :)   
      
     I'm all about looking into the blind spots when I become aware of them.  One   
   of my goals in this life other than to make sure that my son has what he needs   
   to go forward and succeed in this troubling world is to always make sure that I   
   am bettering myself.  I know that I have millions of blind spots from the way   
   that I was raised, antisocially and in a horribly sheltered and abused cult.    
   Sometimes hearing those things that need to be changed is painful, but I've   
   learned to not respond badly, but to introspect, and find out if there is   
   something valid that I need to work on with it.  Heh.  I was kind of discussing   
   a small amount of this with an employer the other day during an interview, sans   
   the abuse and antisocial talk.  ;)   
     I find that kind of help invaluable.  I hope that I'm in a situation again   
   soon where I have people around that can help me with that more.   
      
    NB> Working on it together's a good thing.  :)  It's not too late to rein it   
    NB> in with him, as long as he doesn't think you are just being arbitrary...   
      
     No, things are getting better for both of us.  I still need to work on it   
   probably a little bit more than him to set the right example, but he's doing   
   very good, even around the house where I've let him get away with it, so long   
   as it's only him, my roommate, and I.   
      
    NB> I'm actually mostly agreeing with you on that...  I grew up with plenty   
    NB> of unstructured time, and I do believe that it was a good thing... of   
    NB> course, in my case, there was plenty of unlooked for structure in the   
    NB> form of taking care of younger siblings... ;)  Different personalities   
    NB> can react differently to the same situation, too... One kid could thrive   
    NB> while another would become a pressure cooker...  :)   
      
     Exactly.   
      
    NB> It comes with practice... :)   
      
     Ah the mental training.  Yes.  I missed most of mine today, and I've suffered   
   a little bit for it.  It's amazing how much of a difference on a daily basis   
   that time training the mind helps.   
      
    NB> All Right....  :)  So now he has something to read and keep him occupied   
    NB> happily...  :)   
      
     Hell yeah.  He's in love with his tablet.  That reminds me, DragonLance is on   
   it, now I need to configure his reader for him.   
      
    NB> There's some good teachers at that school, for sure... Did he enjoy   
    NB> being part of the play...?   :)   
      
     He did, actually.  The videos are huge or I'd post 'em all over.  It was   
   definitely the best elementary school play I've ever seen and all written by   
   the teachers and a couple of writers in the area--- and lines by the students   
   themselves, too!  For the shortcomings of this school, which are legion in the   
   bureaucratic areas, I'll admit this 'arts-focus school' really does drive home   
   some damn good programs in those areas.   
      
    NB> That can be an unhappy side effect of transient living... exposure to   
    NB> new bugs all the time..  :)  Now maybe you've built up your immune   
    NB> systems for the new place...  :)   
      
     I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  ;)  My immune system feels strong like bull,   
   though.  I think we're over the hump. :)   
     Catch ya more later.  It's 4:30am, I should probably be getting some sleep.    
   *grin*   
      
     -Damon   
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