-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 25-Feb-2015 22:30 <=-   
      
    NB>> It's an indication that you /are/ doing something right, when other   
    NB>> people notice...  :)   
      
    DAG> It always seems to be when he's asking incessant questions, and I'm   
    DAG> taking the time to answer them all, without talking down to him, and   
    DAG> explaining the parts that he has more questions on.  :)  My parents   
    DAG> never did that for me, so I've tried to not make the same mistake,   
    DAG> though it's taken a bit to make sure he understands that sometimes (ie   
    DAG> sleep time) is not for incessant questions about everthing.  *grin*   
      
   Kids can be opportunists, for sure..  ;)   But having that openness is   
   so crucial to helping our kids grow up... And if they know that we can   
   and will answer questions, they don't have to go elsewhere to find   
   answers... and hopefully thereby avoid some of the pitfalls...   
       
    NB>> We're never able to do everything we know is needed... all we can do is   
    NB>> the best we can...  :)  And no need to waste energy worrying about what   
    NB>> we can't do, just need to look for what we can do...  :)  And, where   
    NB>> possible, find others to help fill in the lacks...  :)   
      
    DAG> That last part is what I was gonna say.  People that can help point   
    DAG> out what might lay in my blind spots have been invaluable to my   
    DAG> personal development.     
      
   I was more thinking of people that could supply some of what your son   
   needs that you aren't able to necessarily supply... like the wonderful   
   couple at our church that filled in as sorta "foster parents" to our son   
   during his turbulent teen years... they made it so that there were other   
   stable adults in his life to model, and that he knew cared about him.    
   We were still able to talk with him, even then, but it was very nice to   
   know that there were others that had our back, and that also cared about   
   our son...  ;)   
      
    DAG> I wish more people could learn to value that, instead of run in   
    DAG> horror from it. You're right, though.  I need to learn to get that   
    DAG> ghost of d4m0 past crap to stop flogging myself with once I've learned   
    DAG> from things and moved on.  It's my main reason for meditation.    
      
   But, yes... filling in that sort of lack (for you rather than your son)   
   is a good thing, too...  ;)  Admitting that one does need help, either   
   for one's self or for one's charges, can be difficult, admittedly... :)   
   And getting past the old crap in one's life often needs a little help,   
   too... at least in the form of support, and helpful advice...  :)   
      
    NB>> Well, perhaps that can be a lesson for both of you... ;)  One /should/   
    NB>> be careful with one's language anyway, but especially around kids, who   
    NB>> tend to be little parrots...  You maybe could talk with him about when   
    NB>> it is and when it isn't appropriate to use such language...   
      
    DAG> I've been doing that.  I've let him be too lose around the house,   
    DAG> where I've [in the past] said that it's okay, as long as it's me and   
    DAG> him, and he doesn't use it too much.  He got in the habit of using that   
    DAG> language when he was frustrated, and I warned him it'd bite him, and it   
    DAG> did.  Heh.  I'll learn to give the when & where talk along with a bit   
    DAG> more discretion about letting 'em get away with it at home if I ever   
    DAG> have another go around at this.  As it is, things have cracked down a   
    DAG> bit, but he usually sticks to the appropriate areas very well.  The   
    DAG> main reason I was so loose is because I'm so damn loose with the   
    DAG> tongue, and I don't like to be a hypocrite...  We're working on it   
    DAG> together now.  :)   
       
   Working on it together's a good thing.  :)  It's not too late to rein it   
   in with him, as long as he doesn't think you are just being arbitrary...   
      
    NB>> Fortunately it isn't often taken to the farthest extremes it might be...   
    NB>> and as I noted before, many of these activities are some sort of group   
    NB>> activity so it isn't exactly isolation...   
      
    DAG> Whoa I totally forgot what this is about.  I didn't quote enough.   
    DAG> Ah, the helicopter parenting.  You're right, it isn't total   
    DAG> isolation, but a lot of times I think that kids need _unstructured_   
    DAG> time to avoid becoming pressure cookers.  I dunno, just my opinion on   
    DAG> it.    
      
   I'm actually mostly agreeing with you on that...  I grew up with plenty   
   of unstructured time, and I do believe that it was a good thing... of   
   course, in my case, there was plenty of unlooked for structure in the   
   form of taking care of younger siblings... ;)  Different personalities   
   can react differently to the same situation, too... One kid could thrive   
   while another would become a pressure cooker...  :)   
      
    NB>> Sometimes it takes a sort of discipline to keep from going there... but   
    NB>> it becomes easier with practice...  Not to say that there won't still be   
    NB>> times that the mind wanders down those paths again... but one can bring   
    NB>> it back instead of wallowing in the bygones..  :)   
      
    DAG> Ah I jumped the gun on the meditation bit.  It helps me a lot in   
    DAG> this area; I'm able to settle my mind when it goes to these places...    
    DAG> Unless I've had too much caffeine.  Another area for me to be   
    DAG> improving, no doubt! It's getting a lot better but I still find that   
    DAG> a lot of times, unless I'm actively engaged in meditation, I forget   
    DAG> that I need to be consciously letting go of that crap when it comes up.   
      
   It comes with practice... :)   
      
    DAG> When I finally realize that I've been fulminating and flogging myself   
    DAG> I realize I've been in that state for waaaay too long already.  Still,   
    DAG> like meditation, it's just not getting frustrated about it, and letting   
    DAG> the thought water flow around it, without hanging on to it...  It takes   
    DAG> practice, another day another few seconds of peace...  I'm getting   
    DAG> there.  ;)    
      
   Yup..  :)   
      
    NB>> Now that's good timing... ;)   
      
    DAG> It was!  He just got the dragonlance e-books downloaded on it   
    DAG> tonight, too. :D   
      
   All Right....  :)  So now he has something to read and keep him occupied   
   happily...  :)   
       
    NB>> Yeah, tell the good things, too... ;)   
      
    DAG> Well, he had an outstanding performance at his school tonight.  I'm   
    DAG> just starting to get the video ready to pass around to relatives and   
    DAG> the like.  I've got to hand it to this school, they've done a   
    DAG> musical/play that absolutely blew out of the water anything I've seen   
    DAG> before.  It was amazing, and I learned so much about one of my favorite   
    DAG> places to run...  Lone Fir cemetary.  Had no idea that Madonna filmed a   
    DAG> video there.  *laugh*  But seriously, the amount of history that they   
    DAG> had in this play featured all around the cemetary, and the bits about   
    DAG> keeping people alive through the memory of them, almost made me mist up   
    DAG> a few times.  It was really amazing!    
      
   There's some good teachers at that school, for sure... Did he enjoy   
   being part of the play...?   :)   
      
    DAG> I have other good things to write, but this has taken too long to get   
    DAG> off already.  :)  My next response shall be thoroughly peppered with   
    DAG> good things that have gone on lately.     
      
   That's good to hear.  :)   
      
    DAG> I think the #1 that I'm thinking about right now is that   
    DAG> we've been here about 7 months, and both him and I have each been sick   
    DAG> at least a half a dozen times apiece.  It's been weeks now, though, and   
    DAG> I think maybe we've finally gotten the full collection of antibodies to   
    DAG> this area, so maybe (keep yr fingers crossed) we're able to go out and   
    DAG> face the world without getting knocked back every few weeks into it   
    DAG> now.  ;)  I was really worried with him missing 16 days of school this   
    DAG> year due to illness; I hope that things don't happen again like that,   
    DAG> it was causing some serious academic issues for awhile.   
      
   That can be an unhappy side effect of transient living... exposure to   
   new bugs all the time..  :)  Now maybe you've built up your immune   
   systems for the new place...  :)   
      
    DAG> Best wishes & more soon!  How's your life been?  :)   
      
   Busy... but mostly fairly uneventful...  :)    
      
   ttyl        neb   
      
   ... Wisdom is the ability to discover alternatives.   
      
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