-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 10-Feb-2015 14:07 <=-   
      
    NB>> When things can't be helped, they can't be helped... one does have to   
    NB>> work with the situation one is actually in.  He at least has the   
    NB>> stability of being with you, and having you care about him and his   
    NB>> welfare...   
      
    DAG> Yeah.  When I'm out and about with him I still get people   
    DAG> complimenting me, at random, whenever they care about kids and are in   
    DAG> the area enough to overhear me explaining things to him, and teaching   
    DAG> him about new things.  I try to think of that as an offset...    
      
   It's an indication that you /are/ doing something right, when other   
   people notice...  :)   
      
    DAG> And honestly, I know that there's not a whole lot I can do about all   
    DAG> of this right now other than what I'm doing, but it's hard for me not   
    DAG> to fret, especially as changes come on and I don't know if they're   
    DAG> strictly from age or more from the transience...  Of course it's a   
    DAG> combination of both, and I'm sitting here wringing my hands kind of   
    DAG> helplessly.  I do have an appointment with his school counselor coming   
    DAG> up, though.  Maybe she'll have some insight to give me, too.  I'm   
    DAG> always a little haunted about not being able to take good enough care   
    DAG> of the people (and animals) that I care for.    
      
   We're never able to do everything we know is needed... all we can do is   
   the best we can...  :)  And no need to waste energy worrying about what   
   we can't do, just need to look for what we can do...  :)  And, where   
   possible, find others to help fill in the lacks...  :)   
      
    NB>> At least he has the friends at school... that's important, too.   
      
    DAG> Very much so!  He's got a bestie, and that helps a lot.  I remember   
    DAG> a year when I only had a friend at school, though, and it was a rough   
    DAG> one.  I hope he comes out of it without it screwing up his social   
    DAG> development at all. He didn't get to sit next to him at lunch   
    DAG> yesterday, though.  It appears that my looseness with my lips has   
    DAG> spread to him a bit.  Not sure which word it was exactly (but I think   
    DAG> it was an eff-bomb) that he dropped with the range of a kid that narced   
    DAG> on him, so he had to sit apart from his usual crowd.  :(    
      
   Well, perhaps that can be a lesson for both of you... ;)  One /should/   
   be careful with one's language anyway, but especially around kids, who   
   tend to be little parrots...  You maybe could talk with him about when   
   it is and when it isn't appropriate to use such language...    
      
    NB>> It might or might not help things... some "lower class" parents buy into   
    NB>> the same helicoptor parenting... part of it seems to be the way things   
    NB>> tend to be nowadays...   
      
    DAG> Yeah.  I just can't see how that, taken to such extremes, can ever   
    DAG> prepare a person to be able to stand on their own feet, unless they're   
    DAG> inheriting a legacy the likes of which will keep them isolated from   
    DAG> anybody that they don't choose to be in contact with, and free of all   
    DAG> hardship.  :P    
      
   Fortunately it isn't often taken to the farthest extremes it might be...   
   and as I noted before, many of these activities are some sort of group   
   activity so it isn't exactly isolation...   
      
    NB>> Woulda, shoulda, coulda... The past is what it was... you can learn from   
    NB>> it, you can work with the results, but you can't change it, nor should   
    NB>> you dwell on the mistakes made...  Hopefully you have learned from it...   
      
    DAG> It's a major shortcoming of mine.  Part of the reason I'm also   
    DAG> trying to take more of my own personal time to focus on some tenets of   
    DAG> the Buddhist philosophy that I try to adhere to; living in the moment,   
    DAG> not haunted by the past, not fretting over the future, but in the   
    DAG> moment planning for the future and having learned from the past.  I   
    DAG> know I've learned; it's the time when I'm in bed after everybody else   
    DAG> is out that I flog myself endlessly with the ghosts of Damo past   
    DAG> flogging my poor brain.  ;)  I'm getting much better at it, though. Er,   
    DAG> not doing it, that is.  ;)    
      
   Sometimes it takes a sort of discipline to keep from going there... but   
   it becomes easier with practice...  Not to say that there won't still be   
   times that the mind wanders down those paths again... but one can bring   
   it back instead of wallowing in the bygones..  :)   
      
    NB>> The books will probably do the most to help wean him off the games...   
    NB>> it's a better way to exercise the brain, and most engaging as well,   
    NB>> since he enjoys reading... :)   
      
    DAG> I've got a bunch coming for him, and actually, the _day_ after you   
    DAG> mentioned an electronic reader, someone picked one up for him and told   
    DAG> me that it was in the mail!  :)  My luck might be changing a bit.   
      
   Now that's good timing... ;)    
       
    NB>> Eventually you'll probably have that... both the space and hopefully   
    NB>> some friends with more helpful parents... ;)   
      
    DAG> I'm always on the lookout; not going to be changing that any time   
    DAG> soon.  :D    
      
   That's the spirit... ;)   
      
    DAG> Thanks for the input and the ear; it's always appreciated.  I need   
    DAG> to tell about some of the adventures we had before winter hit here so   
    DAG> that I can balance things out a little bit, I think.  ;)   
      
   Yeah, tell the good things, too... ;)   
      
   ttyl       neb   
      
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