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   DADS      Discussions amongst fathers      1,946 messages   

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   Message 1,325 of 1,946   
   Nancy Backus to Damon A. Getsman   
   Re: In Portland, OR, as a single father   
   08 Feb 15 02:19:34   
   
   -=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 05-Feb-2015 18:14 <=-   
      
    NB>> It's good you have a roof over your head, but granted, that's still   
    NB>> nowhere near an ideal situation...   
      
    DAG> It's much better than hitching it along the pacific shoreline headed   
    DAG> for Chile', at least.  ;)   
      
   For sure..     
       
    NB>> Have you considered getting him some sort of electronic book reader,   
    NB>> and downloading books for him...?  Or is that out of the question   
    NB>> financially...?  How far away is the library...?   It's a shame that   
    NB>> things are less safe than they were back when I was a kid... I used to   
    NB>> hang out at the local library all the time, could walk there from   
    NB>> home...   
      
    DAG> Well, for now it's out of the question financially.  We've got a   
    DAG> couple of portable electronic devices now that are capable, but too   
    DAG> small for easy reading.  I'm not sure where the closest library is,   
    DAG> just a few that I've stumbled across.  I'll open a google maps tab for   
    DAG> that right now, actually. Yeah, I used to go to one, too.  About a mile   
    DAG> away, but I'd stay there for a looooong time.  Plus my dad always took   
    DAG> me there to hang out while he was checking out stamp catalogs and value   
    DAG> guides.  Heh. I'll look into finding a cheap 400MHz android ripoff   
    DAG> tablet or something, though.  I didn't think about that because I hate   
    DAG> electronic format books so much, but I don't think he'll hate it at   
    DAG> all.  They're amazingly cost effective, so yeah.  Thank you for the   
    DAG> awesome idea.    
      
   I've not wanted to use the electronic books, either, but I've seen   
   several people using them, including some of my family (sisters,   
   nieces), and they seem to think they are a good idea... :)  I just   
   figured that a kid that's into video games AND reading might find them   
   an easier transition away from the games...  :)   
      
    DAG> I've got a lot of theories on the whole thing, personally, and so   
    DAG> does my roommate.  One of the worst horror stories I've heard about it,   
    DAG> though, was a father who realized that his daughter had hit 16 years   
    DAG> old and, at tops, had had like 75 minutes unscheduled time before.    
    DAG> What kind of pressure cooker are we putting kids like that into?  How   
    DAG> are they going to know how to socialize? It just seems like an inhumane   
    DAG> way to raise a kid, to me, and if they spend all of their time in   
    DAG> structured activities, how the hell are they going to get the practice   
    DAG> that they need to be able to deal with what the real world throws at   
    DAG> them out on the streets?    
      
   I mostly agree with you, but, that being said, I think there's more   
   socializing even in the structured activities than you give credit   
   for...  What's more of an issue is what one does once they are   
   responsible for setting their own structure instead of having it imposed   
   on them...  :)   
      
    DAG> Sorry about the one kid thing, if you were hoping to have more.    
      
   Thanks.  We did try, very unsuccessfully, for a long time... it just   
   wasn't going to happen, and it turned out that having even the one was a   
   bit of a fluke, or miracle, if you will...  :)   
      
    DAG> I want to have a sibling for my son, other than   
    DAG> his half sisters (in Germany), but my life isn't nearly stable enough   
    DAG> and I don't have a decent mother candidate in mind.  Heh.  By the time   
    DAG> I have all of those things squared away I'm pretty sure I'm only going   
    DAG> to be dating post-menopausal women.   
      
   If it happens, it happens...  And maybe you'll find some wonderful woman   
   that has a child or children of her own that you'll both be comfortable   
   with... ;)   
      
    DAG> You're right, though.  I always hated being an only child.  It was   
    DAG> a horror, especially with abusive parents.    
      
   Abusive parents only make it worse, true.  My son at least had cousins,   
   and my youngest siblings, and a friend from church to be semi-sibs...   
   and he tended to make friends pretty easily...  :)   
      
    NB>> Keeping him clothed and fed and in school should go a ways in showing   
    NB>> that you are a proper father, however...  and the other hopefully will   
    NB>> come as you are better stabilized and can find a decent job...  :)   
      
    DAG> Indeed.  I'm just glad I'm out of the phase where I feel I'm looking   
    DAG> for the light at the end of the tunnel, and into a phase where I   
    DAG> actually am out in the light, or at least close enough to it so that   
    DAG> it's not just a dot any more.  :) I'm really well stabilized now, for   
    DAG> the most part, and it only gets better; right now I'm more stable than   
    DAG> I've been since I started college.  I've been putting out enough code   
    DAG> each day to keep my portfolio nice 'n full along with applying for jobs   
    DAG> hours every day.  I'm pretty sure with the amount of effort that I'm   
    DAG> putting into things that I'll have many fewer unstructured hours in my   
    DAG> own day very soon.  ;)    
      
   Hope it works out for you soon...  :)   
      
   ttyl          neb   
      
   ... Life is a collection of low-probability events   
      
   --- EzyBlueWave V3.00 01FB001F   
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