-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 08-06-14  11:14 <=-   
      
    DAG> Whoops I just went back to the quote buffer and realized that I   
    DAG> already said some on this.  :P   
      
   Yup... ;)      
       
    NB>> Lots of history there, to make you what you are now...  no doubt also on   
    NB>> her side...  What one makes out of it is the question... :)   
      
    DAG> That is precisely the point that I'm working to get to.  For a long   
    DAG> time I was grieving, _hard_.  I don't remember ever going through that   
    DAG> in a relationship before.  It wasn't just her this time, though.  I   
    DAG> mean, like I said, I was a member of that whole family this time   
    DAG> around.  Her father's last friend died while I was there; she takes   
    DAG> care of him.  I became his last friend, and right now I can't even call   
    DAG> him to try to be a decent person, because I can't stop thinking of HER   
    DAG> if I do it; my heartrate goes up to 150+, and I have a massive anxiety   
    DAG> attack.    
      
   That's a tough situation.  Especially since to talk to him, you'd likely   
   have to talk to her...  Even when you are the one that had to cause the   
   break, it doesn't make it any easier... one still may grieve the loss...   
      
    DAG> I'm trying to make sure that I'm working on myself in all of   
    DAG> this.  I can only change me, and obviously (due to a lot of things that   
    DAG> I didn't mention here; signs I should have paid attention to, despite   
    DAG> her contrary words to what they were showing) I need to learn to not   
    DAG> ignore characteristics of this sort.  Plus I need to learn that maybe I   
    DAG> shouldn't be so hurt by somebody that has these characteristics.    
      
   Yeah... sometimes it's a case of realizing that that is the way someone   
   is, and that there wasn't anything you could have done to make things   
   easier on yourself, short of never having started the relationship...   
   not only in romantic type relationships either, I should add...   
      
    NB>> Sometimes it's pretty hard to ascertain that there is that active   
    NB>> deception, of course...  One to some extent has to accept people as   
    NB>> they present themselves... but there is also certainly the need for   
    NB>> discernment and not being too gullible...  :)  A balancing act, to   
    NB>> be sure...  :)   
      
    DAG> Well, yeah.  She was slipping up with things that proved it, though,   
    DAG> and I glossed over them because I thought she was honest about working   
    DAG> on these issues.  Then again, there were things that proved this to be   
    DAG> inaccurate, too.  I tried to resurrect our original agreement, that we   
    DAG> were there for each other through thick and thin, to carefully bring up   
    DAG> to each other things that might've been in each others' blind spots,   
    DAG> and to improve ourselves together to be the best parents, soulmates,   
    DAG> and people that we could be.    
      
   Apparently she wasn't being completely truthful about agreeing to the   
   original setup, either... or hadn't really been honest to herself what   
   that might have meant, being played out in real life...  :)   
      
    NB>> Yeah... I think that's where we left off...  ;)   Seems that craziness   
    NB>> in one form or another seems to follow you around...     
      
    DAG> I have Loki on my shoulder, or some other type of more form-fitted   
    DAG> Personal Malevolent Diety(tm).  My friends are usually pretty amazed,   
    DAG> especially after the past year, of how these things follow me.  Of   
    DAG> course, that brings to mind the point that everywhere I go, there I am.   
    DAG> Is the malevolent diety on my shoulder, or in my head?  It's important   
    DAG> to keep self-aware and engage in self-analysis whenever possible, in   
    DAG> order to avoid a martyrdom complex that has no basis in reality.  I owe   
    DAG> more than that to my son.    
      
   Or for that matter, to avoid a persecution complex, or a doomed   
   mentality...  There might be things that you inadvertantly do that make   
   some of the craziness more likely to happen, but it could just as well   
   be the fact that this world, as it exists now, is by no means a perfect   
   one, and things happen...    
      
    DAG> My biological sister is someone that I won't associate with.  When   
    DAG> you're smoking more than several grams of meth a day, you're usually   
    DAG> hurting, even if you're trying to help.  Plus, the way I saw her   
    DAG> treating her kids...  Blatant emotional neglect.  My son doesn't need   
    DAG> to be around _any_ of that.     
      
   If she's that addicted, at least some of the emotional neglect is   
   probably the drugs and what they are doing to her...  But still, as you   
   say, not a good place for your son to be, all around.   
      
    DAG> My biological mother offered up her home to my son and I, and then   
    DAG> was evicted due to the landlord putting in a parking lot instead. Then   
    DAG> her husband was fired from a job as a manager of a large hardware   
    DAG> chain's store in his area.  It appears that perhaps this diety that   
    DAG> follows me has a bit of affection for my biological family.    
      
   Certainly a bad run of circumstances for them, too...  Hope things get   
   better for them, as well as for you...   
      
    NB>> I'm a little slow in responding lately... but it appears that your life   
    NB>> is pretty hectic too...  here's your reminder...     
      
    DAG> *grin*  Yeah I've got to go take care of a few more things.  On a   
    DAG> very good note, I've been able to play double dutch with the ropes of   
    DAG> red tape that've been binding me for a few days, now, and I'm finally   
    DAG> with an insured vehicle again,    
      
   That's good progress... :)   
      
    DAG> and hopefully getting TANF in lieu of the child support that I've   
    DAG> never gotten from my son's mother very soon here.   
      
   Hope that works out fine...  :)   
      
    DAG> I'm off to play some more red tape jumprope.  :)  Looking   
    DAG> forward to your reply.   
      
   A little tardy, again, but at least here...    So what about those   
   indoor lightning storms...??   (Oh, and btw, for the time being, I'm   
   restricted to short subject lines, all my sources of BW doors having   
   evaporated, and having to use QWK in my BW reader, hence short subjects   
   from this end, and long subjects coming in being truncated badly...   
      
   ttyl         neb   
      
   ... First law of Genealogy :  Nothing is more shocking than the truth !   
      
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