-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 08-02-14  23:33 <=-   
      
    NB>> I went back into my saved messages, and saw that the last of a real   
    NB>> discussion was a message from me dated 31 January, subject Support.    
    NB>> Then you popped in briefly in early April with a tease about crazy   
    NB>> stories to be told... and then disappeared from sight again...  :)   
      
    DAG> Oh, jeez.  I was madly in love.  Fifteen years, if you count the   
    DAG> time between our first few years together, when we were talking, and   
    DAG> lovers, when we were both single and in the same city.  I was in a land   
    DAG> that I haven't felt for a very long, long time.  I've been working on   
    DAG> getting it out how I normally do, by writing, but something is   
    DAG> different this time... I don't want to make the mistake of writing   
    DAG> about it before I'm focused more on the compassion that she deserves,   
    DAG> for the past that has made her into the person that she is today.    
      
   I think you'd done a pretty good job of that in our previous   
   discussion...  :)    
      
    DAG> I don't want to go out and convict her before a jury of _my_ peers, as a   
    DAG> damn good friend put it. I try to write, when I decide to pop the   
    DAG> wound, and get some of the infection out, in a balanced manner.  I try   
    DAG> to weigh what she did, and what I did, in a manner that doesn't favor   
    DAG> one or the other.  I had a family; a stand-in father, whose only other   
    DAG> living friend died while I was growing tight with him.  I had another   
    DAG> son, for awhile.  Trying to help him is what hastened the end. I only   
    DAG> hope, in the meantime, that I am a better judge of character than my   
    DAG> past shows me to be, now that I've seen such a long term set of   
    DAG> characteristics sit in my blindspot for so long.   
      
   Lots of history there, to make you what you are now...  no doubt also on   
   her side...  What one makes out of it is the question... :)   
      
    DAG> Right now I can't even get myself to open up to new people.  Maybe   
    DAG> that's for the best.  It scares the hell out of me now.  I will do   
    DAG> anything to avoid another relationship where there is active deception,   
    DAG> or deliberate withholding of important, honest, communication.   
      
   Sometimes it's pretty hard to ascertain that there is that active   
   deception, of course...  One to some extent has to accept people as they   
   present themselves... but there is also certainly the need for   
   discernment and not being too gullible...  :)  A balancing act, to be   
   sure...  :)   
      
    NB>> If need be, I probably could extract out old messages from me and   
    NB>> re-send...   
      
    DAG> Oh, I know the context now.  What I will do, when I wake up and I'm   
    DAG> not close to collapsing from complete exhaustion as I am right now, is   
    DAG> make sure that I fill you in on the crazy events that took out my   
    DAG> ability to communicate for so long there.  Egad talk about some crazy   
    DAG> indoor lightning storms.    
      
   Yeah... I think that's where we left off...  ;)   Seems that craziness   
   in one form or another seems to follow you around...     
      
    DAG> Not a problem.  Right now it's people like you that are keeping me   
    DAG> from going totally out of my skull with cabin fever and isolation right   
    DAG> now.  I've been in this new city for just about a month now.  Still   
    DAG> don't have a job, and there's no regular income where I'm at, yet.  My   
    DAG> vehicle isn't insured...  Social services has thrown up an amount of   
    DAG> red tape that I can't surmount without travelling 2800 miles (round   
    DAG> trip) to get what they need, and I have to scrabble to make sure my son   
    DAG> has food to eat every day.    
      
   So you're in a new place yet again... and going through the same stuff   
   you had to deal with before... sigh...   
      
    DAG> Still, I consider myself lucky.  The   
    DAG> person that I am staying with is up front, and honest, and has been a   
    DAG> tight friend for over 20 years.  If I didn't have him I'm sure I'd be   
    DAG> handling this much less gracefully.  My confidence, charisma,   
    DAG> self-esteem, whatever you want to call it, has been a little bit   
    DAG> crushed since June.  It's inhibiting my ability to make new friends,   
    DAG> too.     
      
   Good friends of long standing are a definite blessing..  :)  I take it   
   the stay with family didn't work out well either, then...?   
      
    DAG> So the people on the other end of this ASCII are very much   
    DAG> appreciated, especially the thoughtful and decent ones like yourself.   
      
   Thank you.  I've found the decent sorts here in Fido to be a   
   better-than-family sort of family... caring support and all that... :)   
       
    NB>> The landmine etc places I don't even look at, with the one exception of   
    NB>> one that I merely lurk in, mostly for reasons of my own (some of which I   
    NB>> question when things get too nasty even for lurking...[g])  I much   
    NB>> prefer the civil areas... those, to me, characterize FidoNet much better   
    NB>> than the others...    
      
    DAG> Yeah, I just decided to finally just quit scanning a few of those   
    DAG> echoes.  I'm done with drama and that pointless conflict.  I've had   
    DAG> enough of that to last a lifetime in every facet of my life; I don't   
    DAG> need to choose to read through it here, too.  :)   
      
   Quite.  :)   
      
    DAG> I'll write more tomorrow...  Unless I get too busy and get   
    DAG> distracted, at which point I'll write you soon as a message from you   
    DAG> reminds me that there is decent conversation to be had here.  :)   
      
   I'm a little slow in responding lately... but it appears that your life   
   is pretty hectic too...  here's your reminder...     
      
   ttyl          neb   
      
   ... Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.   
      
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