-=> Quoting Damon Getsman to Nancy Backus on 08 Jan 14  21:42:43 <=-   
      
    DG> Yeah I've heard of other systemic complications becoming more and   
    DG> more common as age at onset of infection rises, but the reproductive   
    DG> harm was a new one to me.  Gah.  I know I got it harder at 14 than most   
    DG> any of the kids I know that got it during the single digits.  Thinking   
    DG> back to how bad I had it, it must be pretty horrifying at later ages.   
      
   I think one of the main problems with getting these illnesses is that   
   they do tend to come with high fevers... and children are more able to   
   cope with high fevers than adults, physically...   But not everyone has   
   the same issues with them, even as adults...  :)   
      
    DG> I always kind of knew that my priorities would get a dramatic reboot   
    DG> for the better once I had someone relying on me..  I don't know, it   
    DG> kind of sounds like a wrong reason, doing it for a reason outside of   
    DG> myself, but I don't really know how else to explain it.    
      
   Nothing wrong with doing something for someone else... or with being   
   focused outside just yourself.. in fact that can be part of maturity...   
      
    DG> My priorities were screwed up waaaaay beyond the norm for those ages   
    DG> between my early teens and late twenties.  At some point it became   
    DG> almost a life or death situation to me; adding the 'almost' might   
    DG> have just been an effort by me to pad how dire the situation was to   
    DG> myself there, actually.  Regardless, it didn't happen immediately   
    DG> upon my newly taken responsibility as a fulltime single father, but   
    DG> the change started immediately, and it put me onto much more stable   
    DG> ground very quickly.    
      
   Given your unstable situation growing up, I'm not surprised that things   
   got pretty dire for you...  And getting past that, even in more 'normal'   
   situations, is almost always a growing process, not an overnight thing.   
       
    DG> I remember some of the ones that you're talking about, purposely   
    DG> getting pregnant in their early teens for reasons of 'implied   
    DG> glamor'...  Never did understand it totally, although the idea had   
    DG> some superficial attractions for me, as well.     
      
   Lots of reasons, including having someone to love and be loved by... not   
   all of them totally bad reasons, but at that age not exactly the   
   smartest thing to be doing.  But I've seen it in older people, too...    
      
    DG> I'm glad I waited until I   
    DG> did; any later and I probably would've ended up in the grave, any   
    DG> earlier, and I probably wouldn't have given my child what he or she   
    DG> would truly have deserved as far as opportunity and stability goes.   
      
   Hindsight is great, eh...?  Sometimes it's hard to really know what   
   might have been different, but what is, is what we have to deal with   
   now... :)   
      
    DG> He's getting a crash course in that very well now.  We're at a place   
    DG> that has 6 kids on most days, and 8 a few days a week when some of the   
    DG> part-time custody kiddies are around.  :)  It's taking other people to   
      
   That sounds like it can get pretty crazy at times....    
      
    DG> pull me aside and let him learn from the social interaction, instead of   
    DG> wanting to always protect his feelings, but when they help me to   
    DG> realize that he's developing social skills that were always above my   
    DG> level, because I never experienced that or got used to it, well then   
    DG> it's a little easier.     
      
   Yup, he's learning useful skills.  Even if it turns out that he tends to   
   be somewhat of a loner anyway, it's good to figure out how to interact   
   with others when one has to... :)   
      
    DG> I still can't function well in a room where   
    DG> everybody pairs off and/or goes into small, little groups.  I'm fine   
    DG> with one or two people, or doing speeches to a hundred people.  Throw   
    DG> me into a party, though, and I'm doomed to be a wallflower.   
      
   I don't think that is an only child thing.... I have the same thing   
   happening... not good in party situations, do best one on one, can give   
   a speech to a large group if necessary...  ;)  And, as I said, I'm an   
   oldest of 8...  Still pretty introverted, unless there's a good reason   
   to come out of it...  ;)   
      
    DG> Hrm...  This one really leads me to introspect...  Might be a little   
    DG> while before I'm able to process and learn about my own self and what   
    DG> exactly I need vs. what I want vs. what would be best for me on this.    
    DG> I've been struggling with that very issue, I think, since I was in my   
    DG> very early teens, maybe even a little before that, as early on as it   
    DG> may seem.    
      
   Probably less important to figure out what you think you need/want or   
   would be best, and more important to be willing to do for someone else,   
   unselfishly...  think about how needing to be a good father has changed   
   how you deal with situations...  :)  Relationships are a give-and-take   
   situation, and should end up being win-win for both, at least most of   
   the time.  Which is not to say everything will always be perfect... ;)   
      
    DG> I certainly hope that I meet the right woman some day, but I also hope   
    DG> it's at a time when I am able to devote 100% to that woman.  Right now   
    DG> I think that's out of my grasp.  I just keep expecting everything to go   
    DG> bad, after all the years of knives in the back and other treachery.    
      
   Expectations can be funny things... ;)  Have to be careful not to let   
   the expectation of bad things happening keep you from doing what you   
   could be doing, or rose-colored glasses keep you from seeing the   
   situation as it really is...  ;)  Relationships get built on small   
   things, little things in common that build into something bigger... :)    
   Openness and commitment (two bugaboo words ) are pretty important,   
   too...  :)   
      
    DG> Not that all of it has been at me; I won't lie, more than a little of   
    DG> it has come _from_ me, as well.  :(  I'm keeping my fingers crossed,   
    DG> and in the meantime, I shall continue to work on myself.  Which is a   
    DG> struggle every day, as I'm presented with unending and repetitive   
    DG> examples of people that are just _perfect_ for pointing my finger at.    
    DG> ;)    
      
   Well, yeah... you'll always see them around.... ;)   And have to deal   
   with them, difficult as they are...  :)  And learn to just be a better   
   person than the bad examples all around...     
      
    DG> Thank you, for this whole discussion.  It is really nice to be   
    DG> able to talk about some of these things.   
    DG> Peace & namaste.   
      
   No problem... it's being part of a community...  :)  And one does need   
   to talk out some things, to keep from exploding... ;)   
      
   ttyl        neb   
      
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