Hey Nancy!   
      
   Sep 24 23:42 05, Nancy Backus wrote to Maurice Kinal:   
      
    NB> Often there isn't anything anyone else can do, before or after "plug   
    NB> pulling", since it is really up to the person him/herself.  For    
    NB> better   
    NB> or* for worse...  although, yes, often what we try to do to help only   
    NB> does make things worse, since what really is needed isn't our input.   
      
   That sounds familiar, especially around the neighbourhood here.  What they   
   need/want I don't have to give thank goodness.  I got my own problems to deal   
   with and nobody seems to want to help me out there so life goes on.  :-)   
      
    NB> I wasn't saying anything at all about whose responsibility it is.  I    
    NB> am   
    NB> not responsible for my friend's actions in the least, but it still is   
    NB> painful to watch her/him self-destruct.  My love for the person only   
    NB> makes me care what happens, not make me responsible for what does or   
    NB> doesn't happen...   
      
   Yes but my point is that when you do offer whatever help it usually turns out   
   that whatever misery is there suddenly becomes a responsibility that probably   
   shouldn't be in the first place.   
      
    MK>> I am not so sure.  My early experience with that is that 'work' is   
    MK>> often what makes things unhealthy in the first place.   
      
    NB> We may be using different definitions of "work" here...  :)   
      
   Maybe ... maybe not.  The thing is that I haven't been in a real relationship   
   for quite some time now but I when I was I think I knew what 'work' meant.   
      
    NB> :)  While there is a bit of validity to needing to accept each other    
    NB> for   
    NB> who and what they are, the "take it or leave it" attitude is usually    
    NB> a   
    NB> good indicator for "this isn't going to work out, better cut your    
    NB> losses   
    NB> now"...    
      
   Probably.   
      
    NB> and hopefully shows up before* one has too much invested    
    NB> into   
    NB> the relationship.   
      
   Amen.   
      
    NB>   Ah, yes... and there are ways in which we never change,    
    NB> and   
    NB> ways in which we aren't going to stay the same, no matter how hard we   
    NB> do or don't try...  :)   
      
   Yeah.  Oh well, life goes on ... somehow.   
      
    NB> Love doesn't conquer all, true...  but a truly unconditional love can   
    NB> bear with just about anything.   
      
   I think you are absolutely right about that.  That has happened to me and   
   continues on as we speak.  There are people living in this world that I feel   
   that way about.   
      
   Life is good,   
   Maurice   
      
   --- Msged/LNX 6.1.2   
    * Origin: Coffin Point - Ladysmith, BC Canada (1:340/401.1)