-=> Quoting Damon Getsman to Daryl Stout on 31 Dec 13  22:46:50 <=-   
      
    DS>  Chicken pox at 20 ruined fathering kids for me. It put me in the   
    DS>  hospital for a week, and out of work at a local restaurant, and out of   
    DS>  class at the local college for 2 months, by order of the health   
      
    DG> Wasn't aware that chicken pox could do that, actually.    
      
   Mumps at that age or older has that rep...  I suppose that if one ran a   
   very high temp with chicken pox (or measles, for that matter) one could   
   have various things be affected.  Childhood diseases do tend to be worse   
   on adults that get them... one reason my mom tried to make sure I got   
   the measles by making me stay in close contact with a younger sibling   
   that did have them... I never did get measles, of any sort, so   
   apparently I have a natural immunity there...  :)   
      
    DG> That's kind of a shame.  :(  Well, I mean I think it is, anyway.  I   
    DG> know that having my son goaded a change and a level of responsibility/   
    DG> maturity that I wouldn't have been able to attain without him, as well   
    DG> as a level of compassion that I would've never gotten to.  I have some   
    DG> friends who choose to remain childfree, and I totally respect that   
    DG> opinion, but at the same time I can tell that they haven't had those   
    DG> changes in outlook that I have.  It really adds a whole new facet to   
    DG> humanity and the evolution of the self, I believe.  It's definitely a   
    DG> small, crowded world, though, and if everybody were reproducing that   
    DG> would only make things worse.  Still, I think that things would be a   
    DG> _little_ bit better, maybe, if everybody were to have that added level   
    DG> of selflessness that becoming a parent added to most of the people that   
    DG> I've seen have children. Then again, I've seen people have children,   
    DG> continue partying their socks off, and let their infant die due to   
    DG> neglect/malnutrition over the course of a really long binge.  Well, not   
    DG> personally seen, thank god (I'd be incarcerated for a murder charge   
    DG> pretty quick if I were to personally see something like that, I'm   
    DG> sure), but read about it in the newspaper.  So obviously there are   
    DG> people that are completely immune to the effects that I've seen on   
    DG> myself and some others.   
      
   Yup...  no easy answers...  ;)  I agree that having a child to be   
   responsible for can kick up one's maturity level... as long as one   
   accepts that responsibility...  :)  And similar situations can produce   
   the same reponse... like being the oldest sibling suddenly totally   
   responsible for the younguns, due to some family catastrophe...  And   
   then there are those that one wonders why they had a child, since it   
   obviously is only a hindrance or an inconvenience to them... probably   
   were only thinking of some implied glamour or some such...   
      
    DS>  The peer pressure nowadays is horrendous...and I thought it was bad   
    DS>  when I was growing up!!   
      
    DG> Ack.  I dunno, I just moved out of the projects here; it was   
    DG> terrible there, much worse, like you're saying, than when I was a kid.    
    DG> I'm really hoping that it's not quite as severe now that I'm in a   
    DG> better area of town, though.  Gonna keep my fingers crossed on that   
    DG> one.    
      
   In a better part of town, things probably won't be as much in your   
   face... but there may still be some issues... Just have to help your son   
   learn how to deal with peer pressure, and hope that he can make some   
   friends that can provide peer support...  I suspect things aren't that   
   much different from when I was growing up, or when we were raising our   
   son, but there seems to be less structured support for kids that want to   
   do the right thing...    
      
    DG> Tell me about it.  I'm still licking wounds from my last   
    DG> relationship.  She taught me a hell of a lot about how to be a much   
    DG> better human being, how not to judge on stupid superficial qualities,   
    DG> and all kinds of other important things. I learned to be a better man   
    DG> because of her.  Then I committed to her.  Less than three weeks later   
    DG> she dumped me.  I still don't know why.  After dating for over a year.    
      
   Some people are just more committed to the idea of commitment than they   
   are to actually handling real commitment...  My little brother married a   
   woman he'd been living with for a number of years beforehand, she'd been   
   pushing him to commit, and finally he came round, and they got married,   
   saying that nothing really would be different in their relationship.    
   Less than 6 months later, she wanted out... he was devastated... turns   
   out the "non-issues" were more important than they were figuring... and   
   her friends treated her differently as a married woman rather than a   
   shacking-up one... go figure...   
      
    DG> It's karmic retribution for the way I was in my teens and twenties, I   
    DG> know that much, but i really hope it's done with soon.  I'd like my son   
    DG> to have a [step-] mother in his life, too, especially once I'm   
    DG> employed full time again.  He's had way too much flux in his life, I   
    DG> want him (and myself) to have something that we can count on, and I've   
    DG> never had a stable family-- ever-- my parents sure as hell weren't a   
    DG> family.    
      
   That certainly doesn't make it any easier for you, does it... ;0  If it   
   makes you feel any better, being without a mother is probably better for   
   him than having someone that isn't going to be a good mother to him...   
   you may be able to be that both mother and father to him that you are   
   doing now, and that might be best.  Of course, that's not saying that it   
   wouldn't be wonderful to find the right woman that would complete your   
   little family and fill in all sorts of gaps... while you do the same for   
   her...  :)   
      
   ttyl       neb   
      
   ... Why do they keep moving my paperwork from the dining-room table?   
   --- Blue Wave/DOS v2.20   
    * Origin: The Holodeck BBS  holo.homeip.net (1:261/1381)