Re: Re: Male Single Parenting   
     By: Daryl Stout to Nancy Backus on Sun Dec 29 2013 01:00:04   
      
    DS>  Chicken pox at 20 ruined fathering kids for me. It put me in the   
    DS>  hospital for a week, and out of work at a local restaurant, and out of   
    DS>  class at the local college for 2 months, by order of the health   
    DS>  department. The only "son" my late wife and I had was a   
    DS>  "dachshund"...see tagline below.   
      
     Wasn't aware that chicken pox could do that, actually.  That's kind of a   
   shame.  :(  Well, I mean I think it is, anyway.  I know that having my son   
   goaded a change and a level of responsibility/maturity that I wouldn't have   
   been able to attain without him, as well as a level of compassion that I   
   would've never gotten to.  I have some friends who choose to remain childfree,   
   and I totally respect that opinion, but at the same time I can tell that they   
   haven't had those changes in outlook that I have.  It really adds a whole new   
   facet to humanity and the evolution of the self, I believe.  It's definitely a   
   small, crowded world, though, and if everybody were reproducing that would only   
   make things worse.  Still, I think that things would be a _little_ bit better,   
   maybe, if everybody were to have that added level of selflessness that becoming   
   a parent added to most of the people that I've seen have children.   
     Then again, I've seen people have children, continue partying their socks   
   off, and let their infant die due to neglect/malnutrition over the course of a   
   really long binge.  Well, not personally seen, thank god (I'd be incarcerated   
   for a murder charge pretty quick if I were to personally see something like   
   that, I'm sure), but read about it in the newspaper.  So obviously there are   
   people that are completely immune to the effects that I've seen on myself and   
   some others.   
      
    DS>  With some people, their pets are their kids...and discipline is   
    DS>  important with both.   
      
     Absolutely.  I knew I was in for a bad stretch in life when I was a kid and I   
   saw that the dog I got my mother actually trained her instead of her being able   
   to train it.  ;)   
     Seriously, though, that happened.  I've written extensively about the   
   mistakes of my parents, and how I've managed to do fairly well-- at least _I_   
   think-- learning from primarily negative examples.  I really should've caught   
   my mom's dog training her on video the last time I spent time there, before the   
   dementia made a relationship with her completely impossible.   
      
    DS>  The peer pressure nowadays is horrendous...and I thought it was bad when   
    DS>  I was growing up!!   
      
     Ack.  I dunno, I just moved out of the projects here; it was terrible there,   
   much worse, like you're saying, than when I was a kid.  I'm really hoping that   
   it's not quite as severe now that I'm in a better area of town, though.  Gonna   
   keep my fingers crossed on that one.   
      
    DS>  Whether a single Dad or a single Mom, it still is a big responsibility.   
    DS>  Even married, it's still a responsibility. Sadly, nowadays, most kids   
    DS>  think a relationship and committment is measured in seconds, not   
    DS>  decades. I've heard of cases where they got married Friday night, and   
    DS>  were in divorce court on Monday. :(   
      
     Tell me about it.  I'm still licking wounds from my last relationship.  She   
   taught me a hell of a lot about how to be a much better human being, how not to   
   judge on stupid superficial qualities, and all kinds of other important things.   
   I learned to be a better man because of her.  Then I committed to her.  Less   
   than three weeks later she dumped me.  I still don't know why.  After dating   
   for over a year.  It's karmic retribution for the way I was in my teens and   
   twenties, I know that much, but i really hope it's done with soon.  I'd like my   
   son to have a [step-] mother in his life, too, especially once I'm employed   
   full time again.  He's had way too much flux in his life, I want him (and   
   myself) to have something that we can count on, and I've never had a stable   
   family-- ever-- my parents sure as hell weren't a family.   
      
     Best wishes and a happy new year to ye!   
      
       --Damo dice, "Perhaps today IS a good day to die!"   
   --- SBBSecho 2.24-OpenBSD   
    * Origin: TTBBS-telnet bismaninfo.hopto.org 8023 (1:14/0) (1:282/1057)