-=> Quoting Damon Getsman to All on 27 Dec 13  10:44:59 <=-   
      
    DG> I noticed a drive for people to restore dead echoes, and this one   
    DG> came immediately to mind.  Not that it's totally dead, but I figured   
    DG> I'd post a little something in here, being as it's a relatively rare   
    DG> area of expertise in current [USA] society.   
      
   Dunno how many people are still keeping an eye on this echo for any   
   activity... but I'm still here...  not a single father (obviously) nor   
   even a single mom... married with one grown son, no grandkids yet...    
      
    DG> I've been a single parent of a mixed race (mulatto) boy for over   
    DG> six years now.  Our situation has been very far from normal; nothing   
    DG> about it has been routine.   
      (snip)   
    DG> To make what is truly an epic story of military and legal   
    DG> incompetence, heart-shredding drama, and personal agony bordering on   
    DG> insanity a little bit shorter, I'm going to summarize what happened   
    DG> here.  Unless, of course, y'all would like a little bit more   
    DG> information on these matters.    
      
   Quite the tale as it is... and, I'm sure, quite the wild ride for you...   
   and I don't mean that to be at all derogatory...    
      
    DG> I went out to see her and help with my son one more time, but   
    DG> these difficulties were starting to tear us apart (along with the   
    DG> internal demon gnawing at my gray matter and telling me that maybe she   
    DG> wasn't the woman I thought that she was, with the way that I now knew   
    DG> she treated her children in high stress situations).   
    DG> Our engagement fell apart.  I was able to obtain custody later on,   
    DG> utilizing the very last of the money that I had squirreled away from   
    DG> the army deployment, when her abuse because public knowledge and she   
    DG> was reported to a German social worker (Jugendamt).  It took well over   
    DG> $10k, and left me pretty close to absolutely penniless.   
    DG> Eventually she married another soldier that was deployed there and   
    DG> got her permanent trip to the states.  Now that she was here, due to a   
    DG> clause in our international custody agreement, we had to have yet   
    DG> another hurdle making sure that she wasn't going to be able to get my   
    DG> son and do god knows what with him (she'd discussed middle school,   
    DG> kidnapping him, all sorts of other fun things in the interim).   
      
   There are some definitely scary parts to this as well.. She certainly   
   doesn't seem like a particularly wonderful person, or much of a   
   mother...    
      
    DG> I'm interested in hearing the stories behind how others have become   
    DG> single fathers, and what kind of influence it has had on their lives.     
      
   I hope there are others reading that will jump in and share their   
   stories... that, among other aspects of being dads, was one of the   
   reasons for this echo to exist...  :)   
      
    DG> I know that if I wouldn't have gotten my son, the insanity of   
    DG> not knowing he was safe, and the drunken calls from his mother, may   
    DG> have well killed me.  I'm pretty sure that they would have, honestly.   
    DG> My son has become the rock in my life that has provided me the   
    DG> stability to work for something to permanently better myself that I've   
    DG> needed all of my life.  Every day, no matter how tired I am after   
    DG> trying to do what I need to for our survival, I sit down with him and   
    DG> answer any and every question that he has to the fullest extent that I   
    DG> can.  I try to explain everything to him, and to keep that thirst and   
    DG> curiosity to know how the world works alive with him.  I want him to be   
    DG> able not to aspire to the level of my shoulders, but to be able to   
    DG> start there and go as high as he would like in his life. People   
    DG> seem to judge me on this, though.  I mean, some of the comments are   
    DG> kind of cute, especially from teeny-boppers going through the mall and   
    DG> the like.  Saying things like 'awww, I want a mixed baby,' although   
    DG> that does strike me as objectifying a child of another race a little   
    DG> bit.  When it comes right down to my role as a single father, though,   
    DG> people seem surprised when they watch my son and I long enough and they   
    DG> noticed that I am a single father who _cares_ and is taking time to   
    DG> attend to everything that he needs.  Some people still just assume that   
    DG> he'll end up broken.    
      
   Even kids raised in "normal", two-parent, secure homes can end up   
   broken... sometimes it has less to do with the raising, and more to do   
   with the person him/herself...  But a child being lovingly raised even   
   by just one parent can grow up to be a really well put-together person.    
      
    DG> I'd like to hear other people's comments,   
    DG> ideas, feedback, and most of all, if there are any single fathers   
    DG> around and reading this, I'd love to hear your stories.   
      
   I think you are doing a wonderful job, from what you've said... I give   
   you lots of credit for taking the responsibility for your son, and for   
   fighting for him and for his well-being.  He's got a lot going for him   
   with you as his dad.  :)    
      
   I almost wish I was a single dad, to have a story to share with you...   
   but as I'm not, I'll just hope that there are some others around to jump   
   in and offer their tales... :)  But I'll still be around, to talk with   
   you (or anyone else around)...  ;)   
      
    DG> Best wishes & happy new year to everyone!   
      
   And the same to you and yours...  :)   
      
   ttyl        neb   
      
   ... A geological specimen in motion accumulates no deposits of lichen.   
   --- Blue Wave/DOS v2.20   
    * Origin: The Holodeck BBS  holo.homeip.net (1:261/1381)