TZUTC: -0700   
   MSGID: 1885.fido_coffeekl@1:340/7 23236c9b   
   REPLY: 1989.coffeekl@1:218/700 2322b10c   
   PID: Synchronet 3.18a-Win32  May 13 2020 MSC    
   TID: SBBSecho 3.11-Win32 r3.172 May 13 2020 MSC 1925   
   CHRS: ASCII 1   
   -=> Kurt Weiske wrote to All <=-   
      
    KW> The Holiness of Coffee, Part I   
      
      
    KW> The Coffee Theory of Civilization is simple and indisputable: Coffee   
    KW> caused European civilization.   
      
   Nuff said   
      
    KW> Compare Scandinavia B.C.:   
      
    KW> Crude Viking raiders   
    KW> Subsistence farmers   
    KW> Bestiality   
      
    KW> with Scandinavia A.D. :   
      
    KW> Nobel Peace Prize   
    KW> Euthanasia   
    KW> Socialism   
    KW> Danish modern furniture.   
      
    KW> Historical evidence suggests that the beginning of the Baroque period   
    KW> in art closely with the infusion of coffee into the indigenous European   
    KW> cultures.   
      
    KW> Coffee was first introduced in Southern Italy and soon spread   
    KW> northward,  in the same sequence as baroqueness. The advent of the   
    KW> Roccoco period coincides with the advent of expresso methods. However,   
    KW> even Coffee has proven a mixed blessing, as the genesis  of the   
    KW> insurance racket  can be traced to  Lloyd's coffee  house  in  London,   
    KW> where habities  wagered on  the safe  arrival of seagoing trading   
    KW> vessels.   
      
    KW> Selflessly braving  untold  hazards,  the  authors  have  collected   
    KW> several primitive chants  from the  secret javacrucian  sect, which   
    KW> are recited  by cultists while grinding beans, during the   
    KW> transsubstantion of water into starter fluid, and  while  actually   
    KW> imbibing.  The  most  widely  practiced javacrucian rite is as follows:   
      
      
    KW> Facing Rising Sun (where applicable; otherwise generic East or any   
    KW> source of light will do),  and holding the  mug of Brewe,  celebrant   
    KW> takes first  sip, elevates mug, and intones, "Gods, I needed that!" and   
    KW> means it.   
      
      
    KW> Other rare and previously unrecorded chants are offered below:   
      
    KW> A Grinding Invocation:   
    KW>     We all worship the Black Bean   
    KW>     Body of God, Caffeine   
    KW>     Where there is Life There is Coffee!   
    KW>     Where there is Coffee there is Life!   
    KW>     (repeat as needed)   
      
    KW> Hayduke's Transubstantiation chant:   
    KW>     Chemicals! Chemicals!   
    KW>     Chemicals! Chemicals!, etc.   
      
    KW> Jamaican Blue Coffee Chant:   
    KW>      Ja-va! Ja-va! Ja-va!!   
      
    KW> North America, circa 1940:   
    KW>     I like Coffee, I like Tea,   
    KW>     I like the Java-Jive and it likes me!   
      
    KW> The little-known Creation myth of the Javacrucians was channeled one   
    KW> Beltane Morning by Brother Buffalo, and promptly  forgotten by all, who   
    KW> had not  yet imbined  the  Sacred Substance.   Careful anthropological   
    KW> research suggests that it had something to do with the great God   
    KW> fillintheblank being deterred from utter destruction of  mankind in a   
    KW> fit  of disgust with the  lesser god Java.   
      
      
    KW> ... Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.   
    KW> --- MultiMail/DOS v0.52   
    KW>  * Origin: http://realitycheckbbs.org | tomorrow's retro tech   
    KW> (1:218/700)   
      
   ... Visit me at gopher://gcpp.world   
   --- MultiMail/Linux v0.49   
    * Origin: Digital Distortion: digdist.synchro.net (1:340/7)   
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