... it is funny.   
       
               JUDAS ASPARAGUS!   
       
   A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing   
   and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for   
   granted that children understand what we are teaching?   
       
               Through the eyes of a child:   
       
               The Children's Bible in a Nutshell   
       
   In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,   
   darkness, and some gas.   
       
   The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older   
   than that.   
       
   Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.   
       
   Then God made the world.   
       
   He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't   
   embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.   
       
   Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from   
   the Garden of Eden... Not sure what they were driven in though, because they   
   didn't have cars.   
       
   Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.   
       
   Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived   
   to be like a million or something.   
       
   One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his   
   kids was kind of a Ham.   
       
   Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked   
   some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain   
   check.   
       
   After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his   
   brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot   
   roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.   
       
   Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.   
   Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after   
   God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice,   
   lice, bowels, and no cable.   
       
   God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top   
   Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your   
   neighbor's stuff.   
       
   Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.   
       
   One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use   
   spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.   
       
   After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a   
   slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500   
   porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to   
   me.   
       
   After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was   
   Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then got barfed up on the shore.   
       
   There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry   
   about them.   
       
   After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New.   
   He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too,   
   because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a   
   barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')   
       
   During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and   
   the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums.   
       
   The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a   
   terrible vegetable after him.   
       
   Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some   
   Germans on the Mount.   
       
   But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the   
   Pilot.  Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.   
       
   Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to   
   Heaven, but will be back at the end of the Aluminum.   
       
   His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.   
       
   A special thanks to Jody for sending this to me.   
      
       
   Regards,   
       
   Roger   
      
   --- D'Bridge 3.99   
    * Origin: NCS BBS - Houma, LoUiSiAna (1:3828/7)