LESSON 4   
   *January 15 - 21   
   Relationships   
      
   SABBATH AFTERNOON   
      
   Read for This Week's Study: 1 Samuel 25; Eph. 4:1-3; 1 Pet. 3:9-12; Luke 17:3,   
   4; 23:34; James 5:16.   
      
   Memory Text:   
      
      
   " 'So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this   
   sums up the Law and the Prophets' " (Matthew 7:12, NIV).   
    An experienced urban evangelist used to organize stress management seminars   
   as an introduction to evangelistic meetings in cities. He had devised a simple   
   survey in which he asked the audience to list four or five things that caused   
   them the most stress. Workers grouped the answers in general categories   
   (health, money, work, relationships, etc.). Before the count was completed,   
   one worker saw that the speaker already had a prepared set of transparencies   
   to discuss "relationships" as the number one source. When questioned, the   
   pastor explained that the results had always been the same: bad relationships   
   always came up as the primary cause of stress.   
      
   Whether problems with spouse, children, boss, work associate, neighbor,   
   friend, or enemy, people tend to be the principal stressor. In contrast, when   
   relationships are positive, they are a powerful source of satisfaction. This   
   seems consistent across geography and culture. People make us happy or people   
   make us miserable.   
      
   That's why this week we'll spend some time focusing on the important topic of   
   relationships and what the Bible teaches us about them.    
   *Study this week's lesson to prepare for Sabbath, January 22.   
   SUNDAY   
   January 16   
      
   Completely Humble and Gentle   
      
   Read Ephesians 4:1-3. Why do you think Paul connects humility, gentleness, and   
   patience with good relationships and unity? Recall examples of your own   
   experience in which the above attitudes have made a positive impact on   
   relationships.   
      
      
   Read 1 Samuel 25. What can we learn from the actions of Abigail and David   
   regarding proper behavior in difficult and tense situations?   
      
   The story of David, Nabal, and Abigail provides an excellent example of   
   successful social interaction. Results vary significantly depending on how   
   individuals present themselves--as superiors, as equals, or as humble friends   
   or associates.   
      
   David sent his soldiers to Nabal with a fair request. "We have protected your   
   men and your property; give us whatever you can find" (1 Sam. 25:7, 8,   
   author's paraphrase). But Nabal didn't know about kindness or diplomacy. We   
   are told that he was a harsh and evil man. Other translations use terms such   
   as surly, mean, brutish, rough, dishonest, churlish, and rude. And he surely   
   displayed these traits before David's warriors.   
      
   In contrast, notice David's initial attitude. Even though he held the military   
   power, his message was full of care and humility, wishing Nabal and his   
   household long life and good health, introducing himself as "your son David"   
   (vs. 8, NIV).   
      
   As for Abigail, the Bible tells us that she was intelligent and beautiful.   
   Notice her behavior: she provided an abundant amount of choice food; she ran   
   to appease David, bowed down before him, addressed herself as "your servant"   
   and David as "my master," and asked for forgiveness. She also reminded David   
   that as a man of God, he needed to avoid needless bloodshed.   
      
   The result of Abigail's tactful and humble action brought about a complete   
   turn in David's intentions. He praised the Lord for sending her and praised   
   her for her good judgment. This effective mediation, full of godly spirit,   
   saved the lives of many innocent men. As for Nabal, David did not need to shed   
   blood, because the man died--probably of heart failure--a victim of his own   
   fear.   
   It's easy (usually) to be kind to those we like. But what about those we   
   don't? Think of those you find very disagreeable. How would they react if you   
   displayed a humble and gentle attitude toward them? Through God's grace, give   
   it a try (remembering, too, that you might not always be the most likable and   
   lovable soul either). MONDAY   
   January 17   
      
   Repaying Evil With Blessings   
      
   What is the true intent of 1 Peter 3:8-12? What are some of the immediate ways   
   you can apply these principles to your own life?    
   Jesus upgraded the "eye for an eye" approach to turning the other cheek (Matt.   
   5:38, 39). This was a revolutionary concept then and still is today for many   
   cultures and traditions. Unfortunately, even Christians rarely return good for   
   evil. But Jesus keeps saying: " 'Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in   
   heart' " (Matt. 11:29, NIV).   
      
   A couple with small children was experiencing serious problems with their   
   neighbors. On several occasions, and in nasty tones, these neighbors told the   
   young parents how disagreeable it was to see play equipment installed in the   
   yard and to hear the children playing on it. They complained about certain   
   sections of the young family's yard and how they were bothered by this and   
   that. The young couple did not appreciate being talked to in such a harsh and   
   unkind tone. After all, they were not doing anything against the neighborhood   
   rules. One day, when the family was harvesting apples from the backyard apple   
   trees, the mother decided to give the neighbors two freshly baked apple pies.   
   The neighbors accepted the pies gladly. That simple act made a difference in   
   their relationship, probably because they never would have expected anything   
   like that from people whom they had been constantly harassing.   
      
   How did David pay back Saul's constant attacks on his life? 1 Sam. 24:4-6.   
   What does this tell us about David's character? How might we need to apply the   
   same attitude in our own experience, especially when we might be having   
   problems with someone who, in his or her own way, also could be "anointed of   
   the Lord"    
   The first book of Samuel records four times when David expressed the   
   immorality of lifting his hand against "the Lord's anointed." Even though he   
   had opportunities to take revenge, he repeatedly tried to approach and forgive   
   the king. David chose a humble and godly manner in his dealings with someone   
   who wasn't kind to him.   
      
   Shouldn't we all, in whatever situation we are facing, seek to do the same?   
      
   TUESDAY   
   January 18   
      
   Forgiveness   
      
   It is possible to appear to live a rich and meaningful religious life, yet   
   have serious relational problems. It's a fact of life that as human beings we   
   often cross each other and cause each other pain, even--and sometimes   
   especially--in the church. Hence, how important we learn the art of   
   forgiveness.   
      
   Read Ephesians 4:32. How well have you been applying this biblical truth in   
   your life? Whom do you need to forgive, and why is it important for your own   
   good to forgive them?    
   Only in recent years has the counseling profession started to look more   
   positively at the importance of spiritual principles for mental health. For   
   decades religion and spirituality were seen by many psychologists and   
   counselors as an underlying source of guilt and fear. Not so much anymore.   
   Today many utilize the protective effects of a committed Christian viewpoint.   
   "Therapies" such as prayer, spiritual journaling, memorization of key biblical   
   texts, and forgiveness protocols are now recognized as helping many people   
   overcome a variety of emotional disturbances. Forgiveness counts among the   
   most soothing strategies, even if the ability to truly forgive and be forgiven   
   comes only from God through a God-transformed heart (Ezek. 36:26).   
      
   Read Matthew 5:23-25; Luke 17:3, 4; 23:34. What do they teach us about   
   forgiveness, as well?    
   Sometimes one may think that forgiveness virtually is impossible to grant. But   
   no human being will ever reach the extent of what Jesus bore in the way of   
   pain and humiliation: the King and Creator of the universe was unjustly   
   degraded and crucified by His creatures. Yet Jesus, in complete humility,   
   cared for them enough to implore the Father for their forgiveness.   
   At times people wrong others without a full understanding of the pain they are   
   causing. Other times people offend because they are insecure or have personal   
   problems, and so they try to obtain relief by hurting others. How can the   
   awareness of others' problems help you offer forgiveness? How can you learn to   
   forgive those who are purposely trying to hurt you?    
   WEDNESDAY   
   January 19   
      
   Confess Your Sins to Each Other   
      
   How do you interpret James's recommendation to confess sins to one another?   
   James 5:16. Dwell on this verse and ask yourself how you need to apply its   
   teaching to your own situation.    
   Sins against my neighbor requires my confession to him/her in order to secure   
   forgiveness and to restore the relationship. It also shows that I am willing   
   to take the responsibility for what I have done and that I trust and hope for   
   acceptance and forgiveness. By God's grace, a noble soul will grant   
   forgiveness, regardless of the size of the offense.   
      
   There is an additional interpretation of James's text, which offers great   
   healing possibilities. Confessing sins, errors, and transgressions to someone   
   you trust brings about emotional healing. Opening up one's own imperfection to   
   a godly Christian friend will help alleviate the burden of sin. In addition,   
   mutual confession deepens interpersonal relationships. Trusting and being   
   trusted provides the bonding that will make a friendship genuine and lasting.   
   In fact, the entire counseling profession is founded upon the principle that   
   talking is good for the soul. Although there are mental disorders that   
   necessitate professional treatment, many feelings of distress can be relieved   
   at the church and community levels. And this is especially true for problems   
   created by the deterioration of interpersonal relationships--mis   
   nderstandings, slander, jealousy, etc. Following James's advice not only will   
   alleviate psychological burden but also bring  renewed strength to change   
   destructive behaviors.   
      
   A word of caution, though. Although disclosure of committed sins to a close   
   friend may bring much relief, it makes the person vulnerable. There is always   
   the risk that our friend will reveal the confidence to others, and this is   
   destructive to those involved.   
   Most important, we always can confess our trespasses to the Lord in full   
   confidence and with the assured certainty of forgiveness. Read 1 Peter 5:7.   
   Defective relationships may bring uncertainty and even fear and anxiety.   
   Others may be able to help, but the surest aid comes from God, who is willing   
   to take all our cares at any time, leaving us with a genuine sense of relief   
   for having left our burdens in His hands.    
   THURSDAY   
   January 20   
      
   Building Others Up   
      
   Read the following texts, and ask yourself how you can apply the teaching to   
   your own life. Why is this so important, not only for yourself but for others?   
   Eph. 4:29, 1 Thess. 5:11, Rom. 14:19.    
   Paul admonishes the early church communities to avoid the deterioration of   
   personal relationships in the "body of Christ." Many interpersonal   
   difficulties come from tearing each other down and, in the process, hurting   
   the entire community. People who engage in gossip and backbiting tend to have   
   problems themselves--feelings of inferiority, the need to be noticed, a desire   
   for control or power, and other insecurities. These people need help to   
   abandon this hurtful way of dealing with their inner conflicts.   
      
   Indeed, feeling well about oneself helps to prevent being involved in gossip   
   and slander. Members of the body of Christ need to consider themselves   
   privileged for having received the gift of salvation (Ps. 17:8, 1 Pet. 2:9).   
   With this understanding, the emphasis becomes building others up and working   
   toward mutual edification. Words of encouragement and approval, emphasis on   
   the positive side of things, humility, and a joyful attitude are ways of   
   supporting those with personal problems.   
      
   Another way to help is to serve as relational mediators. Jesus calls   
   peacemakers " 'blessed' " and " 'children of God' " (Matt. 5:9), and James   
   says that peacemakers will reap "a harvest of righteousness" (James 3:18, NIV).   
      
   Read Matthew 7:12. Why is this so key to all relationships?    
   This principle can be considered as a priceless jewel for social   
   relationships. It is positive, it is based on love, it is universal, and it   
   stretches above and beyond human law. The "golden rule" also brings about   
   practical benefits to everyone involved.   
      
   A Chinese farmer was tending his rice paddy up in the mountain terraces   
   overlooking the valley and the sea. One day he saw the beginning of a tidal   
   wave--the sea retreated, leaving a wide portion of the bay exposed, and he   
   knew that the water would return with force, destroying everything in the   
   valley. He thought of his friends working in the valley and decided to set his   
   rice field on fire. His friends immediately ran up the mountain to put the   
   fire out and thus missed being killed in the tidal wave. As a result of this   
   spirit of helping one another, their lives were saved.   
      
   The lesson is clear.   
       
   FRIDAY   
   January 21   
      
   Further Study:    
      
   Read Ephesians 4:25-32 and underline the words that touch your heart more   
   directly. Reflect on all the things you can do, with God's help, to improve   
   your relationship with other people.   
      
   These are portions of a letter that Ellen White wrote in 1908 to an   
   evangelist: "I have this message for you from the Lord: Be kind in speech,   
   gentle in action. Guard yourself carefully, for you are inclined to be severe   
   and dictatorial, and to say rash things. . . . Harsh expressions grieve the   
   Lord; unwise words do harm. I am charged to say to you, Be gentle in your   
   speech; watch well your words; let no harshness come into your utterances or   
   into your gestures. . . .   
      
   "When the daily experience is one of looking unto Jesus and learning of Him,   
   you will reveal a wholesome, harmonious character. Soften your r   
   presentations, and let not condemnatory words be spoken. Learn of the great   
   Teacher. Words of kindness and sympathy will do good as a medicine, and will   
   heal souls that are in despair. The knowledge of the Word of God brought into   
   the practical life will have a healing, soothing power. Harshness of speech   
   will never bring blessing to yourself or to any other soul."--Gospel Workers,   
   pp. 163, 164.    
   Discussion Questions:   
      
     How much do you like to gossip? And even if you don't do it yourself, how   
   eager and open are you to hear gossip from others? Why, in a sense, is that   
   just as bad as spreading gossiping yourself? How can you stop being part of   
   what can cause other people a great deal of pain?    
      
     Forgiveness can be so difficult, especially when we have been very badly   
   hurt. How do you learn to forgive those who don't ask for forgiveness, who   
   don't care about your forgiveness, and who might even scorn it? What is your   
   responsibility in such cases?    
     Verbal and physical abuse within families is a reality that brings much pain   
   to individuals and groups. What should be the Christian attitude to help   
   prevent this problem? What should be recommended when forgiveness does not   
   cause any change in abusive behavior?    
    Think over your life right now. What steps can you take to bring about an   
   improvement in your relationships? Why is humility, trust in God, and a desire   
   to do right so important in such a process?    
      
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