Hello Matthew   
      
   >I still read this newsgroup occasionally, but not very often. I'm preoccupied   
   with other matters right now, and have a very busy >schedule. Also, I have   
   Aspergers, which impairs my organisation and time management.    
      
   What is Asparagus?   
      
   >It's nice to see you again. I hope you are well. I didn't feel offended or   
   bothered by anything you said in email. I'm guessing that >you have sometimes   
   been rejected by other people in social situations in the past, and that you   
   feel confused about why this >is. So, you're left wondering what's OK to say   
   and what isn't. Social situations must feel like an invisible minefield to   
   you, and >this must be a tough burden to live with. You are very brave and   
   strong to continue trying your best in the face of all this.    
      
   It is also nice to see you, I am well. I am sorry that I have responded so   
   late   
      
   >You don't need to feel so guilty and apologetic all the time. You're a good   
   person and you contribute positively to the world >around you. You try your   
   best in the face of difficult circumstances that are beyond your control.   
   There are plenty of selfish >jerks around, and you're not one of them. That   
   janitor you told me about seems like a nasty bully and a prize idiot.    
      
   I no longer do the job I really hate and despise; many years ago I have lost   
   my job and I am one extended sick leave ever since. I am doing voluntary work   
   that gives me no stress at all. So I am not so desperate any more and I am   
   waiting with patience for things to come…   
      
   In which way am I contribute positively to the world around me? Most of the   
   time I am feeling that I am a burden to JMS.   
      
   >Here is my case formulation of you, as of last we talked, which admittedly   
   was several years ago. You most likely meet criteria >for an Axis II   
   delusional disorder, as your psychiatrist(s) diagnosed you with. An Axis II   
   disorder is generally less severe than >an Axis I disorder. You don't meet   
   criteria for schizophrenia, which involves delusions, hallucinations and   
   disordered thinking. >You only have delusions, and those delusions that you   
   have are not severe in intensity. Your logical understanding of causality >is   
   not impaired, but you sometimes engage in delusions as a defence mechanism to   
   protect your self-esteem and manage >core identity issues.    
      
   I don’t meet criteria of schizophrenia because I am on medication against my   
   delusions.   
      
   >psychiatrists often speak of "delusional guilt". My interpretation of   
   delusional guilt is that it typically involves a negative schema, >combined   
   with an impairment in your ability to use rational evidence to counter the   
   negative thoughts you've had about >yourself.    
      
   I have a negative self-image I am suffering of.   
      
   >Your IQ seems to be above average (tests can measure it more precisely), and   
   you're smart enough to learn more than one >language. Your vocabulary in   
   English, which isn't your first language, is pretty good. Your ability to   
   understand the world >around you does not seem to be impaired, except for your   
   negative self-image and delusions pertaining to yourself and your >core   
   identity. The Babylon 5 questions, such as "Who are you?" and "What do you   
   want" are worth considering. They're not >easy questions to answer. It's   
   painful to be yourself, so you use delusions as a form of escapism.    
      
   I have learned through "Who are you?" and "What do you want" that Vantu is   
   just as fictional creation as Santa or the Easter Bunny. I am no longer   
   letting him drive mine life with the help of proper medication!     
      
   >Last we talked, you were comfortable and perhaps even enthusiastic about   
   receiving help and support in this newsgroup. >Consequently, I'm assuming that   
   you're consenting to hearing the above material publicly. Please accept my   
   apologies in the >event that this assumption of mine was inaccurate.    
      
   Your assumption was accurate, no need to apologize; it gives us something to   
   talk about it in this newsgroup.   
      
   >It's pretty quiet in here these days, and I'm not going to be around much.   
   That's why I figured I'd give you this formulation now, >for you to take away   
   with you if you wish. I'd like to be clear that nothing I say to you online   
   can take the place of formal >therapy in "real life" in your local area. So,   
   if you're seeing professionals such as a psychiatrist or clinical   
   psychologist, please >be guided by them. If you wish to print out this post of   
   mine and show it to a professional you're seeing locally, please feel free >to   
   do so.    
      
   I am seeing professionals such as psychiatrist.  I have been committed two   
   times into a mental institution before they had find the right doses to defeat   
   my schizophrenia .   
      
   >The reason we lost contact is not due to your psychosis, or anything about   
   you, or anything that you said or did. I simply got >too busy doing other   
   things, and lost contact with other people besides you. I'm not very good at   
   keeping up with email >correspondence. I'd lose my head if it wasn't screwed   
   on. Your apology is definitely accepted, and wasn't necessary in the first   
   >place.    
      
   Thank you for accepting my apology…   
      
   >Take care, and I wish you all the best. I'll hopefully see you on this   
   newsgroup again sometime   
   I am visiting it on a daily basis now I have found you   
   --- SBBSecho 2.20-Win32   
    * Origin: Time Warp of the Future BBS - Home of League 10 (1:340/400)