On Monday, 27 May 2013 20:48:09 UTC+12, JWK4EVER  wrote:   
   >I am looking for Matthew Vincent, he was a friend=20   
   >of me at Usenet but due to my psychosis several=20   
   >years ago we have lost contact. He had to endure=20   
   >my delusional tantrums in email and I want to=20   
   >apologize to him.=20   
      
   Hello Jan-Willem,=20   
      
   I still read this newsgroup occasionally, but not very often. I'm preoccupi=   
   ed with other matters right now, and have a very busy schedule. Also, I hav=   
   e Aspergers, which impairs my organisation and time management.=20   
      
   It's nice to see you again. I hope you are well. I didn't feel offended or =   
   bothered by anything you said in email. I'm guessing that you have sometime=   
   s been rejected by other people in social situations in the past, and that =   
   you feel confused about why this is. So, you're left wondering what's OK to=   
    say and what isn't. Social situations must feel like an invisible minefiel=   
   d to you, and this must be a tough burden to live with. You are very brave =   
   and strong to continue trying your best in the face of all this.=20   
      
   You don't need to feel so guilty and apologetic all the time. You're a good=   
    person and you contribute positively to the world around you. You try your=   
    best in the face of difficult circumstances that are beyond your control. =   
   There are plenty of selfish jerks around, and you're not one of them. That =   
   janitor you told me about seems like a nasty bully and a prize idiot.=20   
      
   Here is my case formulation of you, as of last we talked, which admittedly =   
   was several years ago. You most likely meet criteria for an Axis II delusio=   
   nal disorder, as your psychiatrist(s) diagnosed you with. An Axis II disord=   
   er is generally less severe than an Axis I disorder. You don't meet criteri=   
   a for schizophrenia, which involves delusions, hallucinations and disordere=   
   d thinking. You only have delusions, and those delusions that you have are =   
   not severe in intensity. Your logical understanding of causality is not imp=   
   aired, but you sometimes engage in delusions as a defence mechanism to prot=   
   ect your self-esteem and manage core identity issues.=20   
      
   Psychiatrists often speak of "delusional guilt". My interpretation of delus=   
   ional guilt is that it typically involves a negative schema, combined with =   
   an impairment in your ability to use rational evidence to counter the negat=   
   ive thoughts you've had about yourself.=20   
      
   Your IQ seems to be above average (tests can measure it more precisely), an=   
   d you're smart enough to learn more than one language. Your vocabulary in E=   
   nglish, which isn't your first language, is pretty good. Your ability to un=   
   derstand the world around you does not seem to be impaired, except for your=   
    negative self-image and delusions pertaining to yourself and your core ide=   
   ntity. The Babylon 5 questions, such as "Who are you?" and "What do you wan=   
   t" are worth considering. They're not easy questions to answer. It's painfu=   
   l to be yourself, so you use delusions as a form of escapism.=20   
      
   Last we talked, you were comfortable and perhaps even enthusiastic about re=   
   ceiving help and support in this newsgroup. Consequently, I'm assuming that=   
    you're consenting to hearing the above material publicly. Please accept my=   
    apologies in the event that this assumption of mine was inaccurate.=20   
      
   It's pretty quiet in here these days, and I'm not going to be around much. =   
   That's why I figured I'd give you this formulation now, for you to take awa=   
   y with you if you wish. I'd like to be clear that nothing I say to you onli=   
   ne can take the place of formal therapy in "real life" in your local area. =   
   So, if you're seeing professionals such as a psychiatrist or clinical psych=   
   ologist, please be guided by them. If you wish to print out this post of mi=   
   ne and show it to a professional you're seeing locally, please feel free to=   
    do so.=20   
      
   The reason we lost contact is not due to your psychosis, or anything about =   
   you, or anything that you said or did. I simply got too busy doing other th=   
   ings, and lost contact with other people besides you. I'm not very good at =   
   keeping up with email correspondence. I'd lose my head if it wasn't screwed=   
    on. Your apology is definitely accepted, and wasn't necessary in the first=   
    place.=20   
      
   Take care, and I wish you all the best. I'll hopefully see you on this news=   
   group again sometime.=20   
      
   Kind regards,=20   
   Matthew=20   
   --- SBBSecho 2.20-Win32   
    * Origin: Time Warp of the Future BBS - Home of League 10 (1:340/400)