DAVE COBLE and ALL will demonstrate tag-team Another Oldie.   
   Everyone take notes.   
      
    DC>     Okay, I guess it's time to let the cat out of the bag....   
      
   It's dead.   
      
    DC>     *I* bought Commodore International, Ltd.!!!!   
      
      
      
    DC>      I thought about buying a bottle of "Pepsi Free" yesterday, but   
    DC> instead, I decided to put that dollar bill to better use. So, in a fit   
    DC> of impulsive frenzy, I flew down to the Bahamas and purchased   
    DC> Commodore International for ONE DOLLAR, thereby saving the Amiga   
    DC> computer platform from an uncertain, oblivious future! As a side   
    DC> benefit, I have spared the current Amiga-using community of the endless   
    DC> torture of constant rumor-mongering!   
      
   Well, at least no more rumors.   
      
    DC>   As the new owner of Commodore, I, Robert Owens, hearby pledge to:   
      
    DC> - Hire Howard Stern, Roseanne Arnold, and Barney the Purple Dinosaur as   
    DC>   spokespersons for the company!   
      
   We're doomed.   
      
    DC> - Give the Amiga a new name: "Rowdy Rob's Box o' Fun!"   
      
   Complete with WWE music and walk-on?   
      
    DC> - Slap all Macintosh and PC users I come into direct contact with!   
      
   You could have done that for free.   
      
    DC> - Encourage all Amiga owners to get green mohawk hairdos!   
      
    you.   
      
    DC> - Re-introduce the Vic-20 computer to the power-starved masses!   
      
   TRy the C-64; we won't laugh as hard...or cry.   
      
    DC> - Burn 50 copies of MS-DOS each workday morning!   
      
   Do that many copies still exist?   
      
    DC> - Give away a box of Twinkies with each Amiga purchase!   
      
   Paging Harvey Milk...   
      
    DC> - Get some underworld thugs to kick Irving Gould's butt off of the   
    DC>   company premises!   
      
   Some Team Amiga members would do that for free.   
      
    DC> - Enjoy a cruel laugh as Electronic Arts' 3DO system flops in the   
    DC>   marketplace!   
      
   Been there, done that,   
      
    DC> - Produce sexist Amiga commercials featuring 50 scantily-clad models   
    DC>   undulating over a pile of Amiga computers! (Hey, it works for   
    DC>   Budwieser!)   
      
   You get a better "buzz" from Bud.   
      
    DC> - Use my newly acquired clout to convince Newtek to "Get rid of that   
    DC>   Wil Wheaton chump!"   
      
   Try Alt.Wesley.Crusher.die.die.die!   
      
    DC> - Release a swarm of killer bees at Microsoft headquarters!   
      
   To catch the escaping brain-waves? (Scott Adams joke)   
      
    DC> - Include autographed photos of myself in each computer box (in order   
    DC>   to attract more females to the Amiga platform!)!   
      
   Lieber Paula has just smashed her monitor.   
      
    DC> - Hire a bunch of wild, inbred chimpanzees as marketing executives!   
    DC>   (hey, how much worse could they be?)   
      
   Stop repeating the past!   
      
    DC> - Find out once and for all if Atari ST owners actually exist, or are   
    DC>   just mythical figures with no basis in fact!   
      
   Jay Miner and Dave Haynie are sharpening large, heavy-bladed instruments, I   
   hear.   
      
    DC> - Keep the same 8-year-old, 4-channel sound chip. (Let's see how long   
    DC>   we can milk this sucker!)   
      
   About as long as we can 24-bit color.   
      
    DC> - Sit through an entire episode of SeaQuest DSV without falling asleep!   
      
   NEVER HAPPEN!   
      
    DC> - Include the game "Bloodthirsty Buttkickers from Mars" with each CD32   
    DC>   game console! *PARENTAL GUIDANCE SUGGESTED*!   
      
   /Mars/ /Attacks!/ bombed in theaters.   
      
    DC> - Skim company profits for my own personal benefit! (You didn't   
    DC>   seriously think I would let Gould and Ali have all the fun, did you?)   
      
   Jay and Dave will have company.   
      
    DC> - Hold my breath until Dave Haynie comes back to work for Commodore!   
      
   Got your death taxes paid up?   
      
    DC> - Provide the R&D department with an endless supply of beer and Jello!   
      
   That's how we got ISA instead of PCI, moron!   
      
    DC> - Sell the names of all known PC users to kinky mailing lists!   
      
   Which ones /aren't/ they on?   
      
    DC> - Introduce a new marketing slogan: "Buy Amigas. We need the money!"   
      
   Honesty.  what a concept.   
      
    DC> - Or how about: "Get Funky, Get Hype, Get Fresh, Get Stoopid... Get   
    DC>   AMIGA!"   
      
   Get /OUT/!   
      
    DC>     .... and last, but not least,   
      
    DC>      I pledge to promote peace, tranquility, and brotherly love amongst   
    DC> owners of all brands of computers, so that together, we may ease the   
    DC> ills of our society and promote the attributes of generosity, justice,   
    DC> virtue, and most of all, wisdom and intelligence.   
    DC>    For once the world at large  develops these traits, they will all   
    DC> collectively wonder..... WHY IN THE HECK DID WE OVERLOOK THE AMIGA IN   
    DC> THE FIRST PLACE?!?! MS-DOS?!?! WHAT WERE WE THINKING?!?   
      
   What have you been smoking?   
      
    DC>        So, fellow Amigans, rejoice and be in good cheer, for *I* am now   
    DC> the head honcho at Commodore! Happy days are here again!   
      
    DC>      Yours Truly,   
      
    DC>      Robert W. Owens   
    DC>     New CEO, Commodore International, Ltd.   
      
   And now, everyone who read this (but me) will suffer massive strokes.   
   Mercy killings?   
      
   Todd Sullivan   
      
   ... Better to light one fundy than curse the darkness.   
      
   --- Spot 1.3b Unregistered   
    * Origin: Todd's Spot In Orlando (1:3613/1275.12)