Excellenmt Post and sadly true in too many cases.   
   While the Ranks of The ham Community is climbing the quality leaves a   
   lot to be desired.   
   I blame a portion of it on the Mindless Memorization classes where it is   
   in at 0800 and out at 1700 with the licence.   
      
   RW>This was posted by a friend of mine.  Enjoy!   
      
      
   RW>Here is my "tongue in cheek" adapted version of how to be a Lid for HF SSB   
   RW>operations.   
      
   RW>There seems to be a tendency of people making a concerted effort to sound li   
   RW>a Lid (I.e. poor operator). Since this appears to be the new style in amateu   
   RW>radio, I thought I would present   
   RW>this handy guide to radio nerddom.   
   RW>The following is what I call: "How to sound like a Lid in 10 easy steps"   
      
   RW>1) Use as many Q signals as possible. Yes, I know they were   
   RW>invented solely for CW and are totally inappropriate for   
   RW>HF SSB, but they're fun and entertaining. They keep people   
   RW>guessing as to what you really meant. I.e.   
      
   RW>"I'm going to QSY to the kitchen." Can you really change   
   RW>frequency to the kitchen?   
      
   RW>QSL used to mean "I am acknowledging receipt," but now   
   RW>it appears to mean "yes" or "OK." I guess I missed it when   
   RW>the ARRL changed the meaning   
      
   RW>2) Never laugh, when you can say "hi hi." No one will ever   
   RW>know you aren't a long time CW ragchewer if you don't tell   
   RW>them. They'll think you've been on since the days of Marconi.   
      
   RW>3) Utilize an alternative vocabulary. Use words like   
   RW>"destinated" and "negatory." It's OK to make up your own words here.   
      
   RW>4) The poorer the signals, the more you should not use   
   RW>phonetics. If you have to use phonetics, make up unintelligible phonetics. "   
   RW>name is Bob Billibong Oregano Bumperpool."   
      
   RW>5) If someone is causing interference, you should talk about that person at   
   RW>great length, making sure to comment on at least four out of six of the   
   RW>following: (1) His mental state; (2) His family; (3) His intelligence, or la   
   RW>of same; (4) His sexual preference; (5) His relationship to small animals; (   
   RW>His other methods of self entertainment, thus   
   RW>encouraging him to continue interfering.   
      
   RW>6) See just how much confusion you can generate by operating at power levels   
   RW>too low for the receiving station to hear you. Engage people in conversation   
   RW>when you know they won't be   
   RW>able to hear half of what you're saying.  Even when they say you are   
   RW>uncopyable, continue to string them along by making   
   RW>further transmissions. See just how frustrated you can make   
   RW>the other amateur before he finally signs off.   
      
   RW>7) Use lots of radio jargon. After all, it makes you feel   
   RW>important using words average people don't say. Who cares   
   RW>if it makes you sound like you just fell off of Channel 19   
   RW>on the Citizen's Band? Use phrases such as "Roger on that,"   
   RW>10-4," "I'm on the side,"  "You're making the trip,"   
   RW>"Negatory on that" and "I was copying the mail." Use "I am   
   RW>running barefoot" when asked how many watts or what power   
   RW>you are using to transmit, That'll leave them wondering if   
   RW>you have a treadmill that you use when you are on the air.   
   RW>Throw in at least one "Roger" preferably two at the   
   RW>beginnining and always one "Roger" at the end of each   
   RW>transmission. "QSL" can be substituted instead of "Roger".   
   RW>NEVER use "OVER".   
      
   RW>8) Use excessive microphone gain. See just how loud you can   
   RW>make your audio.  Make sure the audio gain is so high that   
   RW>other amateurs can hear any bugs crawling on your floor.   
      
   RW>9) Never say "My name is." It makes you sound human. If at   
   RW>all possible, use one of the following phrases:   
      
   RW>"The personal here is."   
   RW>"The handle here is."   
      
   RW> Normally, handles are for suitcases, but it's OK to use them   
   RW> anyway. Don't forget, this has worked just fine for CBers   
   RW> for years. While you are at it always say "My QTH is"   
   RW> instead of "My location is" or "I live in".  Using "My QTH   
   RW> is" will be a great time saver.   
      
   RW>10) Make people think you have a split personality by   
   RW>referring to yourself in the plural sense. When you're in   
   RW>conversation and are alone at your radio always say "We're"   
   RW>or "We've" instead of "I'm" or "I've" (I.e. "we've been   
   RW>doing this", "we're doing that", "we're clear"). Everyone   
   RW>knows you're by yourself, but when they ask you who is with   
   RW>you, make up somebody important like Arnold Schwarzenegger   
   RW>or Bill Clinton.   
      
   RW>It will take time and practice to master being a Lid but in the long term   
   RW> it will be well worth your effort!   
      
   RW>73   
   RW>           Richard, nf5b   
      
   RW>---   
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