This was posted by a friend of mine.  Enjoy!   
      
      
   Here is my "tongue in cheek" adapted version of how to be a Lid for HF SSB   
   operations.   
      
   There seems to be a tendency of people making a concerted effort to sound like   
   a Lid (I.e. poor operator). Since this appears to be the new style in amateur   
   radio, I thought I would present   
   this handy guide to radio nerddom.   
   The following is what I call: "How to sound like a Lid in 10 easy steps"   
      
   1) Use as many Q signals as possible. Yes, I know they were   
   invented solely for CW and are totally inappropriate for   
   HF SSB, but they're fun and entertaining. They keep people   
   guessing as to what you really meant. I.e.   
      
   "I'm going to QSY to the kitchen." Can you really change   
   frequency to the kitchen?   
      
   QSL used to mean "I am acknowledging receipt," but now   
   it appears to mean "yes" or "OK." I guess I missed it when   
   the ARRL changed the meaning   
      
   2) Never laugh, when you can say "hi hi." No one will ever   
   know you aren't a long time CW ragchewer if you don't tell   
   them. They'll think you've been on since the days of Marconi.   
      
   3) Utilize an alternative vocabulary. Use words like   
   "destinated" and "negatory." It's OK to make up your own words here.   
      
   4) The poorer the signals, the more you should not use   
   phonetics. If you have to use phonetics, make up unintelligible phonetics. "My   
   name is Bob Billibong Oregano Bumperpool."   
      
   5) If someone is causing interference, you should talk about that person at   
   great length, making sure to comment on at least four out of six of the   
   following: (1) His mental state; (2) His family; (3) His intelligence, or lack   
   of same; (4) His sexual preference; (5) His relationship to small animals; (6)   
   His other methods of self entertainment, thus   
   encouraging him to continue interfering.   
      
   6) See just how much confusion you can generate by operating at power levels   
   too low for the receiving station to hear you. Engage people in conversations   
   when you know they won't be   
   able to hear half of what you're saying.  Even when they say you are   
   uncopyable, continue to string them along by making   
   further transmissions. See just how frustrated you can make   
   the other amateur before he finally signs off.   
      
   7) Use lots of radio jargon. After all, it makes you feel   
   important using words average people don't say. Who cares   
   if it makes you sound like you just fell off of Channel 19   
   on the Citizen's Band? Use phrases such as "Roger on that,"   
   10-4," "I'm on the side,"  "You're making the trip,"   
   "Negatory on that" and "I was copying the mail." Use "I am   
   running barefoot" when asked how many watts or what power   
   you are using to transmit, That'll leave them wondering if   
   you have a treadmill that you use when you are on the air.   
   Throw in at least one "Roger" preferably two at the   
   beginnining and always one "Roger" at the end of each   
   transmission. "QSL" can be substituted instead of "Roger".   
   NEVER use "OVER".   
      
   8) Use excessive microphone gain. See just how loud you can   
   make your audio.  Make sure the audio gain is so high that   
   other amateurs can hear any bugs crawling on your floor.   
      
   9) Never say "My name is." It makes you sound human. If at   
   all possible, use one of the following phrases:   
      
   "The personal here is."   
   "The handle here is."   
      
    Normally, handles are for suitcases, but it's OK to use them   
    anyway. Don't forget, this has worked just fine for CBers   
    for years. While you are at it always say "My QTH is"   
    instead of "My location is" or "I live in".  Using "My QTH   
    is" will be a great time saver.   
      
   10) Make people think you have a split personality by   
   referring to yourself in the plural sense. When you're in   
   conversation and are alone at your radio always say "We're"   
   or "We've" instead of "I'm" or "I've" (I.e. "we've been   
   doing this", "we're doing that", "we're clear"). Everyone   
   knows you're by yourself, but when they ask you who is with   
   you, make up somebody important like Arnold Schwarzenegger   
   or Bill Clinton.   
      
   It will take time and practice to master being a Lid but in the long term   
    it will be well worth your effort!   
      
   73   
              Richard, nf5b   
      
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    * Origin:  (1:116/901)