8144328d
5725467c
XPost: alt.philosophy, misc.survivalism, alt.fan.rush-limbaugh
XPost: alt.conspiracy
From: joeturn2000@yahoo.com

On May 4, 8:38 pm, Immortalist  wrote:
> BLACKSBURG, Virginia A small community in Virginia mourns as a man
> dies after having sex with his revolver. One of his friend, seen
> bawling at his funeral, moans with tear-filled eyes in front of a
> reporter mumbling hysterically, "He was as close to his gun as a
> Jewish man is to his mother. The two were inseparable, they laughed
> together, they went biking with one another on long trips, they even
> slept together spooning one another affectionately. How could this
> tragedy have happened?" The gun who killed his owner was as distraught
> as his friends. When questioned by a reporter how this happened, the
> gun said in a very stolid tone, "I am as aggrieved as the community by
> the death of my dear lover, we had such a good relationship but I took
> it too far." The gun then quickly fled to escape the cascade of
> reporters descending upon him like a waterfall. Reportedly the man was
> performing oral sex on the gun when the gun became "too excited" and
> literally "exploded prematurely" in the man's mouth. His mother was
> heckled by fundamentalist anti-gun nut cases who insisted that such a
> close relationship between a man and another gun is unnatural and
> against God's plans, but he defended his son's choice by saying, "My
> son is a good man who happens to have a sexual attraction to firearms.
> Being that the two behaved so tenderly towards one another you can't
> judge their relationship using such Christian morality."
>
> This recent death between a gun and his lover has reignited the debate
> on whether the United States should condone sexual relationship
> between a man and his firearm. Advocates point to the Second Amendment
> that the Constitution states that "A well regulated Militia, being
> necessary to the security of a free State, the right of men to have
> hot gay sex with their guns, shall not be infringed." A spokesman of
> the NRA has come out with the official statement that "People who have
> sex with guns don't kill people, they just kill themselves." However
> this statement does not placate critics who vocally declare that "any
> measure will be taken to prevent such a tragedy from happening, and
> kill anyone opposing us. Allahu Akbar!" Despite the controversy
> boiling on this subject, it must be noted that a man can have safe sex
> with any firearm of his choice if certain precautions are taken. A
> kevlar condom sheathing the barrel of the gun can prevent death,
> especially if the man cannot pull the gun quickly out of him before
> the gun shoots its load. In addition, the man should also be taking
> oral contraceptives or wear some sort of diaphragm made of kevlar to
> further decrease the risk of pregnancy, and giving birth to some sort
> of monstrous hybrid half-man half-gun. Taking these simple steps
> should have prevented such a tragedy of having to explain to friends
> at a dinner party that your son died while having a sordid
> relationship with a piece of metal.
>
> http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/UnNews:Man_dies_after_having_sex_w...

So he finally sucked(got) his gun off!

--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
 * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)