From: kyonshi@wilderland.ovh
On 1/11/2026 6:41 PM, Zaghadka wrote:
> On Sun, 11 Jan 2026 11:36:17 -0500, Spalls Hurgenson
> wrote:
>
>> On Sat, 10 Jan 2026 12:02:02 -0600, Zaghadka
>> wrote:
>>
>>> On Sat, 10 Jan 2026 11:26:27 -0500, Spalls Hurgenson
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> On Fri, 9 Jan 2026 12:56:44 -0800, Justisaur
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> On 1/8/2026 7:43 PM, Punga wrote:
>>>>>> On 2025-10-22, Mortimer Houghton wrote:
>>>>>>> David Chmelik writes:
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>> Golstaff, you have entered the door to the North. You are now by
yourself,
>>>>>>>> standing in a dark room. The pungent smell of mildew emanates from
the wet
>>>>>>>> dungeon walls.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> I check for traps, then look to see if there are any hidden doors.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>> I check for cheetos.
>>>>>
>>>>> You find you're a cheeto.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> CHEETO
>>>> FREQUENCY: Common
>>>> NO. APPEARING: 5-50
>>>> ARMOR CLASS: 10
>>>> MOVE: 1" (3")
>>>> HIT DICE: 1 -1
>>>> % IN LAIR: 50%
>>>> TREASURE TYPE: nil
>>>> NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
>>>> DAMAGE/ATTACK: nil
>>>> SPECIAL ATTACK: see below
>>>> MAGIC RESISTANCE: 100%
>>>> INTELLIGENCE: Semi
>>>> ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Evil
>>>> SIZE: S
>>>> PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
>>>>
>>>> The dreaded cheeto (also known as a wotsits) can be found wherever
>>>> gamers congregate. It moves very slowly on the ground, but is slightly
>>>> faster when airborne. It is extremely vulnerable to physical attack,
>>>> being easily crushed underfoot or by any significant impact. However,
>>>> it is nearly invulnerable to elemental or magical assaults. It can be
>>>> found as often in its lair (a plastic bag) as outside, and often can
>>>> be found outside its expected territory; cheetos get everywhere! It's
>>>> single attack is to spread orange dust everywhere, forever marking the
>>>> victim (or their property) with its indelible orange stain. Given the
>>>> numbers that appear, it is often impossible to encounter them without
>>>> getting marked. The stain repels members of the opposite sex and
>>>> attracts rodents (add +3 to all random encounter rolls). Although only
>>>> being of marginal intelligence, the cheeto is purest evil and will do
>>>> its best to ruin everyone's day in every (limited) way available to
>>>> it.
>>>
>>> Suggested additions
>>> ```````````````````
>>> Cheeto dust negates any invisibility effect as Dust of Appearance.
>>> Cheetoes have a charming ability that, if a save vs. death is failed,
>>> causes the afflicted to seek out more Cheetoes obsessively to the
>>> exclusion of any other activity. Dust encrustation becomes unremovable
>>> after one week. Remove Curse can cure the afflicted from this obsession.
>>> Cheetoes also inflict a powerful disease, High LDL, after 2 weeks of
>>> prolonged contact due to the obsession. There is no save for contraction
>>> of the disease. Remove Disease will be necessary should persistent
>>> contact with the Cheetoes occur. High LDL causes one point of lost
>>> CON/week until cured. Lost CON can be restored with a Restoration or
>>> Wish/Lmtd Wish spell. At CON zero, the victim suffers Congestive Heart
>>> Failure, and only Ressurection will restore such a character, clearing
>>> the arteries of the afflicted. Anyone aged old or venerable automatic
>>> contracts this disease upon encountering a Cheeto.
>>
>>
>> Coming soon to a D&D game near you: a menagerie of monsters based on
>> commonly eaten snacks!
>>
>> I wonder how many satirical 'monster stat' blocks I have posted to
>> Usenet over the years... not as many as I used to, to be sure, but
>> back in the day (you know, when Usenet was still a going concern!) it
>> was far more common. Somebody would mention a thing and before you
>> know it, there'd be a response with stats for said thing.
>>
>> I'm ashamed to admit that I am so out of practice now that I actually
>> had to crack open the Monster Manual to remember all the categories
>> required. ;-/
>>
>> Somebody needs to dig through all the Usenet archives and compile a
>> list of all the monsters --satirical or otherwise-- submitted to
>> public scrutiny over the years. God knows it can't be any worse than
>> the original Fiend Folio ;-)
>>
> You know, the group is pretty dead. Why don't we both make this a weekly
> thing? You take 1e stat blocks and I'll take 3.5e stat blocks. We can do
> spells, monsters, mock encounters, whatever. I already have a parody 3.5e
> spell ready to go.
>
> You can't grow a group without compelling content. ;^)
>
> At the very least, we'll make each other laugh.
>
there was at least one April Fool's Dragon magazine in the 3e years that
had snack monsters. And one of those adventures a week dungeons around
that time that had at least a pizza golem?
And of course there was the Munchkin D20 game that had stuff like that
(as well as the Dread Gazebo)
--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)
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