From:	IN%"SEWALL@UCONNVM.bitnet"  "Murph Sewall"  5-SEP-1990 03:22:31.76
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Subj:	Link was down somewhere & Henry's usual is a tad late...

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Date: Tue, 4 Sep 90 21:20:43 EST
From: Murph Sewall <SEWALL@UCONNVM.bitnet>
Subject: Link was down somewhere & Henry's usual is a tad late...
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Good ol' Murphy (of "Murphy's Law" -- a distant cousing, also from County
Cork :-)
----------------------------------------------------
 
ACTION'S LAW
    Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
 
ALBRECHT'S LAW
    Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.
 
ALLEN'S (or CANN'S) AXIOM
    When all else fails, read the instructions.
 
BOREN'S FIRST LAW
    When in doubt, mumble.
 
BO DIDDELEY'S OBSERVATION ON THE LAW:
   Always take a lawyer with you, and bring another lawyer to watch him.
 
BOVE'S THEOREM
    The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal
    increases as the deadline approaches.
 
BOWIE'S THEOREM
    If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
 
BRILLIANT'S OBSERVATION ON MODERN ART:
   Not all our artists are playing a joke on the public.
   Some are genuinely mad.
 
BRILLIANT'S LAW OF LIMITED AMBITION:
   If you can't learn how to do it well
   learn how to enjoy doing it poorly.
 
BROOK'S LAW
    Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
 
CANADA BILL JONES' MOTTO
    It's morally wrong to allow naive end users to keep their money.
 
CANN'S (or ALLEN'S) AXIOM
    When all else fails, read the instructions.
 
CARLSON'S CONSOLATION
    Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad
    example.
 
CLARKE'S THIRD LAW
    Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
 
COHN'S LAW
    The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less
    time you have to do anything.  Stability is achieved when you spend
    all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
 
CONWAY'S LAW
    In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is
    going on.  This person must be fired.
 
LAW OF CONTINUITY
    Experiments should be reproducible.  They should all fail in the same
    way.
 
CORRESPONDENCE COROLLARY
    An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half of your
    data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.
 
CROPP'S LAW
    The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent
    in the office.
 
CUTLER WEBSTER'S LAW
    There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally
    involved, in which case there is only one.
 
DEADLINE-DAN'S DEMO DEMONSTRATION
    The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your demo, the
    lower your chances are of giving a successful one.
 
DEMIAN'S OBSERVATION
    There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and
    should read "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE".
 
DENNISTON'S LAW
    Virtue is its own punishment.
 
DOW'S LAW
    In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the
    confusion.
 
DR. CALIGARI'S COME-BACK
    A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several hours of
    work without performing a backup.
 
ESTRIDGE'S LAW
    No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can
    redefine it.
 
FINAGLE'S LAWS
    1) Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
    2) No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake
    it.
    3) No matter what the result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.
    4) No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his
    pet theory.
 
FINAGLE'S RULES:
    1) To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you
    start.
    2) Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
    3) Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
    4) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
    5) Program results should always be reproducible. They should all
    fail in the same way.
    6) Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
 
   FINAGLE'S LAW OF GOVERNMENT CONTRACTING:
   Dealing with the government is like kicking a 300-pound sponge.
 
   FINAGLE'S LAW OF MILITARY SUPERIORITY:
   The bigger they are
   The harder they hit.
 
FINSTER'S LAW
    A closed mouth gathers no feet.
 
FIRST RULE OF HISTORY
    History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.
 
   FLO CAPP'S OBSERVATION:
   The next best thing to doing something smart is not doing something stupid.
 
FRANKLIN'S RULE
    Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be
    disappointed.
 
GILB'S LAWS OF UNRELIABILITY
    1) At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
    find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on
    the computer.
    2) Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
    3) Udetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
    errors, which by definition are limited.
    4) Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable
    cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting some useful work
    done.
 
GINSBERG'S THEOREM
    1) You can't win.
    2) You can't break even.
    3) You can't even quit the game.
 
GLYME'S FORMULA FOR SUCCESS
    The secret of success is sincerity.  Once you can fake that, you've
    got it made.
 
GOEBEL'S LAW OF USELESS DIFFICULTY:
   Just because it's hard
   Doesn't mean it's worth the effort.
 
GOEBEL'S SECOND LAW OF USELESS DIFFICULTY:
   The fastest way to get something done
   is to determine that it isn't worth doing.
 
GOEBEL'S LAW OF COMPUTER SUPPORT:
   Troubleshooting a computer over the telephone is like having sex
   through a hole in a board fence.  It can be done but it is neither
   EASY nor PLEASANT.
 
GOEBEL'S LAW OF SOFTWARE COMPATIBILITY:
   A statement of absolute functional equivalence made in bold print
   followed by several pages of qualifications in fine.
 
GOEBEL'S THEOREM OF SOFTWARE SCHEDULES:
   Always multiply a software schedule by pi.  This is because you
   think you're going in a straight line but always end up going full
   circle.
 
GOEBEL'S LAW OF PRODUCT INTRODUCTIONS:
   A future product release date does NOT say when a product will be
   introduced.  All it says it that you don't have a chance in HELL of
   seeing it before that time.
 
GOEBEL'S OBSERVATION ON UTOPIA:
   If everyone believed in Peace
   They would immediately begin fighting over the best way to achieve it.
 
GOEBEL'S LAW OF INTELLECTUAL OBSCURITY:
   WHAT FUN IS IT TO BE AN EXPERT IF YOU MAKE YOURSELF EASY TO UNDERSTAND?
 
THE GOLDEN RULE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES
    Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
 
GOLD'S LAW
    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
 
GORDON'S FIRST LAW
    If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing
    well.
 
GOVERNMENT'S LAW
    There is an exception to all laws.
 
GREEN'S LAW OF DEBATE
    Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
 
GUMMIDGES'S LAW
    The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number
    of statements understood by the general public.
 
GUMPERSON'S LAW
    The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional
    to its desirability.
 
HANLON'S RAZOR
    Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by
    stupidity.
 
HARP'S COROLLARY TO ESTRIDGE'S LAW
    Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every
    passing moment.
 
HARRISON'S POSTULATE
    For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
 
HELLER'S LAW
    The first myth of management is that it exists.
 
HINDS' LAW OF COMPUTER PROGRAMMING
    1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
    2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
    3) If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
    4) Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
    5) The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
    6) Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
    programmer who must maintain it.
    7) Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and
    you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
 
HOARE'S LAW OF LARGE PROGRAMS
    Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
 
HUBBARD'S LAW
    Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.
 
JENKINSON'S LAW
    It won't work.
 
JOHNSON-LAIRD'S LAW
    Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
 
LARKINSON'S LAW
    All laws are basically false.
 
THE LAST ONE'S LAW OF PROGRAM GENERATORS
    A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than
    the program generator.
 
LIEBERMAN'S LAW
    Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens.
 
LYNCH'S LAW
    When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
 
MASON'S FIRST LAW OF SYNERGISM
    The one day you'd sell you soul for something, souls are a glut.
 
MAY'S LAW
    The quality of correlation is inverely proportional to the density
    of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)
 
MENCKEN'S LAW
    There is always an easy answer to every human problem -- neat,
    plausible, and wrong.
 
MESKIMEN'S LAW
    There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
 
MUIR'S LAW
    When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to
    everything else in the universe.
 
MURPHY'S LAWS
    1) If anything can go wrong, it will (and at the worst possible moment).
    2) Nothing is as easy as it looks.
    3) Everything takes longer than you think it will.
 
MURPHY'S FOURTH LAW
    If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one
    that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
 
MURPHY'S LAW OF THERMODYNAMICS
    Things get worse under pressure.
 
NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES
    The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the
    time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
 
NIXON'S THEOREM
    The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone
    he can blame it on.
 
NOLAN'S PLACEBO
    An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
 
OLIVER'S LAW OF LOCATION
    No matter where you are, there you are.
 
O'REILLY'S LAW OF THE KITCHEN
    Cleanliness is next to impossible.
 
OSBORN'S LAW
    Variables won't, constants aren't.
 
O'TOOLE'S COMMENTARY ON MURPHY'S LAW
    Murphy was an optimist.
 
PARKINSON'S LAW
    Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
 
PARKINSON'S LAW, MODIFIED
    The components you have will expand to fill the available space.
 
PEER'S LAW
    The solution to a problem changes the problem.
 
PETER'S PRINCIPLE
    In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his
    incompetence.
 
THE LAW OF THE PERVERSITY OF NATURE
    You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
 
PUDDER'S LAW
    Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of
    Pudder's law is not true.)
 
RHODE'S COROLLARY TO HOARE'S LAW
    Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine
    struggling to be free.
 
ROBERT E. LEE'S TRUCE
    Judgement comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgement.
 
RUDIN'S LAW
    In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses
    of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.
 
RULE OF ACCURACY
    When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps you to
    know the answer.
 
RYAN'S LAW
    Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish
    yourself as an expert.
 
SATTINGER'S LAW
    It works better if you plug it in.
 
SAUSAGE PRINCIPLE
    People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either
    one being made.
 
SHAW'S PRINCIPLE
    Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want
    to use it.
 
SNAFU EQUATIONS
    1) Given any problem containing N equations, there will be N+1 unknowns.
    2) An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
    3) Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
    4) Interchangeable devices won't.
    5) In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and
    fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible
    to everyone else.
    6) Badness comes in waves.
 
STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION
    It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
 
THOREAU'S THEORIES OF ADAPTATION
    1) After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's
    commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new
    command structure.
    2) After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar "bug" in
    the system, the system is revised, the "bug" taken away, and you're
    left with a useless routine.
    3) Efforts in improving a program's "user friendliness" invariable lead
    to work in improving user's "computer literacy".
    4) That's not a "bug", that's a feature!
 
THYME'S LAW
    Everything goes wrong at once.
 
THE LAW OF THE TOO SOLID GOOF
    In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct
    beyond all need of checking contain the errors.
 
    Corollary 1: No one you ask for help will see the error either.
 
    Corollary 2: Any nagging intruder, who stops by with unsought advice,
    will spot it immediately.
 
UNNAMED LAW
    If it happens, it must be possible.
 
WEILER'S LAW
    Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the work.
 
WEINBERG'S COROLLARY
    An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to
    the grand fallacy.
 
WEINBERG'S LAW
    If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then
    the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
 
WHITEHEAD'S LAW
    The obvious answer is always overlooked.
 
WILCOX'S LAW
    A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
 
WOOD'S AXIOM
    As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a
    life-or-death situation, the power fails.
 
WOODWARD'S LAW
    A theory is better than its explanation.
 
ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEM DYNAMICS
    Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use
    a larger can.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
LAWS OF PROJECT MANAGEMENT
 
1. No major project is ever installed on time, within budgets, with the
    staff that started it.  Yours will not be the first.
2. Projects progress quickly until they become 90 percent complete, then
    they remain at 90 percent complete forever.
3. One advantage of fuzzy project objectives is that they let you avoid the
    embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
4. When things are going well, something will go wrong.
   When things just can't get any worse, they will.
   When things appear to be going better you have overlooked something.
5. If project content is allowed to change freely, the rate of change will
    exceed the rate of progress.
6. No system is ever completely debugged. Attempts to debug a system
    inevitably introduce new bugs that are even harder to find.
7. A carelessly planned project will take three times longer to complete
    than expected; a carefully planned project will take only twice as
    long.
8. Project teams detest progress reporting because it vividly manifests their
    lack of progress.
 
