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Researchers in Fairbanks Alaska last week announced they have a
superconductor which will operate at room temperature.
     
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      One day a Yankee businessman visits Russia. He goes to a car factory and
talks to the workers in factory. He asks them :
    "Whose factory is this ?"
They answer  : "It's ours."
Then he asks : "Whose cars are those in front of factory ?"
They answer  : "One belongs to the manager, the other to vicemanager and the
                third one to the chairman of party."
and then he leaves the factory.
     Next year the manager of car factory in Russia
visits USA and he goes to a car factory. He asks the workers :
    "Whose factory is this ?"
They answer  : "It's the manager's factory."
Then he asks : "Whose cars are those in front of factory ?"
They answer  : "They are ours."
     
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When Stalin was in office, he once noted that there were mice in his study and
complained to President Kalinin about this.
   The President thought for a moment and suggested, "Why don't you put up a
sign reading 'Collective Farm'? Half the mice will die of hunger and the other
half will run away."
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
(In the Wall Street Journal, February 6, 1989:)
     
If China is a college classroom on capitalism, the Soviet Union remains a
kindergarten.
     
The point is brought home by the story told by Romano Prodi, chairman of IRI,
the giant conglomerate of Italian state-owned companies, who recently returned
from a visit with Mr. Gorbachev. Mr. Prodi was describing to the general
secretary how Italian private companies operate more efficiently than
state-run enterprises.
     
Mr. Gorbachev asked why that is so.
     
The Italian industrialist replied with a question: "Why does the hare, small
and weak, consistently outrun the hound?"
     
The Soviet leader was puzzled.
     
"It is because the hare works for himself while the hound works for masters,"
explained Mr. Prodi.
     
Mr. Gorbachev laughed appreciatively. He said he would tell it to the
Politburo.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
At the end of World War II Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin met at the
famous Yalta Conference. During a break the three chiefs of state were
relaxing.  Wanting to show off a bit Roosevelt took out a silver
cigarette case on which was engraved: "To FDR from a loyal Democratic
Party".
     
Not to be outdone Churchill took out a gold cigar case on which
was engraved: "To Winston from the loyal Tories."
     
Stalin then smiled broadly and reaching into his vest withdrew an enormous
cigar case encrusted with rubies and emeralds on which was written: "To
Count Esterhazy from the Vienna Jockey Club."
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
I stumbled upon a book (Yea, it was in my path) called 'America on Six
Rubles a Day', by Yakov Smirnoff. I don't normally buy books - not if I
can read them free - but this was so funnee that I was still laughing
when I paid the cashier. The cover shows Yakov with his new credit card:
     
			RUSSIAN EXPRESS
		       Don't Leave Home.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
>From my friend who worked in a submarine for several years:
     
		JOIN THE NAVY --
     
		   IT'S NOT JUST A JOB, IT'S AN INDENTURE
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
Governments that don't trust most people with weapons, deserve no trust.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
Reminds me of a true story I read years ago of a woman who was doing
genealogical research on the branch of her family who had lived in the late
1800's in the territory which is now in Southeastern Arizona.  Somehow she
got lucky and found an old family Bible.  (Traditionally, families would
record birthdates, deaths, marriages, etc. inside the front cover).  She
was surprised to find several references to a great-great-.....great-uncle
named Sylvester of whom she had never heard mention before, and she wondered
why there had been no mention of him in other sources.  The last Bible entry
read something like this: "Sylvester died today of a sudden neck injury."
She wrote down the date, looked up an old copy of the Tombstone Gazette for
that day, and sure enough - you guessed it!  Sylvester was hanged as a
horsethief that day.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
   1840: One day a bunch of Whigs went into a pub owned by Democrat
(the other political party - whose candidate was Martin Van Buren).
Harrison, the Whig candidate, had once professed to have a liking for
hard cider (as proof of his common-folk roots).  As a result, Whigs
had a positive mania for the drink.  Consequently, the whigs ordered
hard cider.  The barman protested he had none, but was pressed to
produce some.  He went out back and whomped up a batch of 'hard cider'
made up of rainwater, vinegar, and whiskey.  Judge Wilson, one of the
Whigs, grabbed up the drink, proposed a toast to Harrison, but
(luckily) took a sniff of what he was about to drink.  He took a small
taste, and put it down.  "This may be good hard cider, but it will
take a more patriotic Whig than I am to drink it!"  he said.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
1828: A farm boy, having traveled to town to see Andrew Jackson speak,
boasted on returning that the candidate had actually spoken with him.
When asked what Jackson had said, the boy replied proudly, "He told me
to get the hell out of the way!"
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
My mother sent me this from a recent Reader's Pablum -- er, Digest:
     
On May 15, 1930, the first airline stewardesses boarded planes with the
following set of instructions, notes an early Stewardess Manual:
     
- Keep the clock and altimeter wound up.
- Carry a railroad timetable in case the plane is grounded.
- Warn the passengers against throwing their cigars and cigarettes out
  the windows.
- Keep an eye on passengers when they go to the lavatory to be sure they
  don't mistakenly go out the emergency exit.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
 From the Civil War SongBook, published circa 1965.
     
Articles of incorporation of the Springfield Militia
     
1. This Company shall be known as the Springfield Militia.
     
2. In case of war, this company shall immediately disband.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
I think there was a slipup on the one that started "It seems that there were
these 3 pregnant Indian squaws" ... (isn't "Indian" with "squaw" redundant?).
Actually, the weight of the boy baby born on the deerhide was 5 lbs. That of
the one on the bearhide was 6 pounds, and that of the one on the hippohide
was 11 lbs, which showed that the squaw on the hippopotamus
equalled the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
There was a young witch named Samantha, but everyone called her
Sam.  She entered a witching contest, which is sort of like a
fiddling contest, except people stand up and do performances of
witchcraft.  For her performance, Samantha enchanted an aquarium
full of fish and made them sing a song.  Unfortunately, the song
was very long, and one of the fish was very badly out of tune.
After a while, the audience and judges couldn't stand the dissonance
any longer.  They began pounding on their tables and shouting
in unison "Tune a fish, Sam witch."
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind:
aisle, altar, hymn.
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
	After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed
	that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day.  What
	do you think it means?"
     
	"You'll know tonight." he said.
     
	That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it
	to his wife.  Delighted, she opened it - to find a book
	entitled "The meaning of dreams"
     
----------------------------------------------------
     
     
Mostly from Another Almanac of Words at Play, by Willard Espy.
     
It doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is
sure to find out next morning it was someone else. --  Rogers
     
If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. --  Chekhov
     
The most happy marriage I can picture would be the
union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- Coleridge
     
Were it not for imagination, sir, a man would be as
happy in the arms of a chambermaid as a duchess. --  Dr. Johnson
     
If a man hears much that a woman says, she is not
beautiful. -- Haskins
     
A man does not look behind the door unless he has
stood there himself. -- Du Bois
     
A lover tries to stand in well with the pet dog of
the house. -- Moliere
     
Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a
confusion of the real with the ideal never goes
unpunished. -- Goethe
     
In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.
-- Butler
     
A woman may very well form a friendship with a man,
but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little
physical antipathy. -- Nietzsche
     
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us
from achieving them. -- Dumas
     
Nature has given women so much power that the law has
very wisely given them little. -- Dr.  Johnson
     
The great question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What does a woman want?  -- Freud
     
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside
desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get
out.  -- Montaigne
     
For a male and female to live continuously together
is...  biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural
condition. -- Robert Briffault
     
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your
life paying for it. -- Baskins
     
A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers.
     
A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
     
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
     
Marriage is a trip between Niagra Falls and Reno.
     
Marriage is an institution -- but who wants to live in one?
     
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of
person your spouse would have really preferred.
     
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.  Second marriage is the triumph of hope
over experience.
     
Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.
