Subject: [alt.fan.howard-stern] FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions about Howard Stern, Monthly Posting
Supersedes: <1996.Mar.1.scuba.faq@scifi.maid.com>
Date: Mon, 4 Mar 1996 02:49:10 GMT



                 HOWARD STERN FAQ [FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS]
                                       
   The FAQ was HTMLized on 5 November 1995 by Nick Simicich.
   
   The master for this FAQ is the HTMLized version. The current,
   up-to-the-minute version of the faq can be fetched from
   http://scifi.maid.com/howard.html and the version with hypertext
   links can be fetched from there. If you are reading a text version of
   this FAQ it was prepared by running the master of the FAQ through lynx
   -dump http://scifi.maid.com/howard.html. If you can, you should read
   the htmlized version.
   
   Extra! Howard's LA book signing set a new world record for the number
   of books signed in a single session. Howard's signed 15000-20000
   copies of Howard Stern, Miss America. Howard's book was on sale as of
   7 November 1995.
   
   In every best seller list except for the New York Times Howard's book
   is number one this week. (December 6th.) Write them and ask them how
   they justify those figures.
   
   New Market! Howard Stern on in Pittsburg, PA.
   
   Howard's contract status. Howard has said that the whole show is
   working without a contract at this point, and that he is still
   negotiating with Infinity. I guess this drama will unfold over time.
   One of Howard's demands is a new studio. I think it is a quality of
   life issue (maybe a studio on Long Island) and he is willing to trade
   money for it. I suspect that at this point, Howard has mad money and
   the ability to live comfortably for a fair while.
   
   Buffalo no longer has a Howard Stern outlet. The station there did a
   format change to country.
   
   Please feel free to follow-up with comments or email them to
   njs@scifi.maid.com.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
   This newsgroup was formed so that fans of Howard Stern can discuss the
   happenings on the show, the comings and goings, and other activities
   of Howard Stern. Some folks don't like Howard Stern. We know that. You
   don't have to take time out of your busy schedule to tell us that. The
   answer here is the same as Howard's answer: If you don't like it, turn
   the dial, switch bands, change the station, find another newsgroup. In
   particular, we recognize that there are many tastes and many other
   radio personalities. If you have a personality you really like, do
   what I did with Howard: Start a fan group for them. Leave us out of
   it.
   
   Are you a new poster? Or an old poster who frequently gets flamed?
   One-to-many communication on mailing lists or newsgroups is a lot
   different from the sort of communication you are used to. I strongly
   recommend the reading of ftp://ds.internic.net/rfc/rfc1855.txt for
   general guidelines about what and how to post.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
   Before posting to this group for the first time, please check the FAQ
   list (this posting), and also read the newsgroup
   news.announce.newusers, which contains many answers to questions about
   usenet in general.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
   Frequently asked questions about Howard Stern:
   
    1. Who is Howard Stern? (Frequently heard from NONUS folks - people
       who live in the US have no more excuse for not having heard of
       Howard than they have for not having heard of O.J. Simpson.)
       
    2. What station does Howard Stern's TV show play on in my area? Or, I
       heard that Howard's show was cancelled. Is it true?
       
    3. No, I can't take it. I have to have Howard on my TV. Is there any
       way?
       
    4. Where can Howard be received on the Radio?
       
    5. I'm not in any of those places. Is there a satellite feed for
       WXRK?
       
    6. How can one be expected to figure out who is who among the
       regulars on the show?
       
    7. How can you listen to someone who is as
       racist/homophobic/anti-woman/etc. as Howard Stern?
       
    8. Is Howard Stern half Jewish? 
       
    9. I want to write to Howard and tell him (what a dickhead | how
       wonderful) he is. What is the address?
       
   10. How do I get a copy of "Crucified by the FCC"? I called
       1-800-52-STERN, and they didn't have a clue. 
       
   11. I don't get enough bababooey in the morning. I want my computer to
       say 'bababooie' instead of beeping at me. I have a
       Mac/Amiga/Soundblaster/NeXT box that can talk, and I want it to
       talk. 
       
   12. I can't believe it. Do people really strip naked in Howard's
       studio, or is it a put on? Is it theatre of the mind, or is it
       really happening? 
       
   13. Why is is when Howard says mini-system in that ad, that everyone
       responds (exaggerating mini-)? 
       
   14. What about Howard's book? Is it any good? Can I get mine signed? 
       
   15. I'm looking for a BBS related to Howard Stern. 
       
   16. What about all these other FAQs I see here? 
       
   17. I think that the Daniel Carver stuff is hilarious. Does anyone
       have his name and address? 
       
   18. Was Howard Stern really running for Governor of New York? 
       
   19. Is Howard on the Internet? 
       
   20. Whatever happened to Jessica Hahn/Pat Cooper/Richard Simmons? 
       
   21. Does Howard really have a small penis? 
       
   22. I've seen a new Howard Stern album in the stores! Why isn't Howard
       hyping it? 
       
   23. What about Howard Stern's second book? 
       
   24. What is the upheaval at K-Rock, Howard's home station in New York
       all about? 
       
   25. Can I post to alt.fan.howard-stern by mail? 
       
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Who is Howard Stern?
  
   (Frequently heard from NONUS folks - people who live in the US have no
   more excuse for not having heard of Howard than they have for not
   having heard of O.J. Simpson.)
   
   Howard Stern is a radio personality. He came to national attention in
   the USA while working in New York, and currently resides there. He
   also had a syndicated TV show, and an interview show on the E Network
   (a US Based cable channel), which was recently nominated for a cable
   'Ace' award. Currently, E carries a half hour edited version of his
   radio program, but with pictures. His New Years Rotten Eve PPV event
   (New Year's Eve 1993-New Year's Day 1994) was the highest grossing
   non-sports PPV event ever recorded.
   
   He is frequently labeled a 'shock jock'. Your immediate thought might
   be, "Oh, like xxxxxx (insert name of local shock jock in wherever you
   are)." No, xxxxxx is like Howard Stern. Howard has been around for
   years, he is well known, and chances are that this week xxxxxx is
   doing whatever Howard was doing last week. If xxxxxx has the balls.
   And more and more people, throughout the country, are finding this
   out, as they watch his show, or listen to him in syndication.
   
   Howard has made many TV appearances, including multiple appearances on
   Jay Leno's Tonight Show, and The David Letterman Show, as well as a
   smattering of the daytime talk shows.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  What station does Howard Stern's TV show play on in my area? Or, I heard that
  Howard's show was cancelled. Is it true?
  
   Howard's original TV show was in reruns, and is now off of the air.
   Depending on who you listen to, it was cancelled, or Howard quit. I
   personally believe (and heard this version, once, on-the-air) that
   WWOR Channel 9 wanted Howard to do it for the same money he got the
   prior year, and Howard wanted a bigger budget and more money. Channel
   9 folks decided that they couldn't give Howard more money *and* make
   any money on the show, they wanted to cut the budget. So Channel 9
   executives wanted to put themselves in a good light by claiming that
   they fired Howard and made such an announcement.
   
   If you get the E! Network on cable or satellite, you should now be
   able to get Howard's edited radio show. Unfortunately, I don't.
   Neither does Howard.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  No, I can't take it. I have to have Howard on my TV. Is there any way?
  
   
   
   No, other than the E! show, or swapping old videotapes. E! is on at
   least one of the new 18" dish services, so if your cable company
   doesn't carry E at night, you may be able to get his show that way.
   Check on this yourself before spending $700 to get a dish, and IRD. As
   of November 5th, 1995, you can no longer call 1-800-52-STERN and order
   a copy of the backstage tape of the New Year's Rotten Eve PPV. They
   tell you you've reached a 'Professional Ordering Service'.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Where can Howard be received on the Radio?
  
   
   
   Currently, he broadcasts, daily, from WXRK, K-Rock, 92.3 FM from New
   York City. This signal is good enough to cover most of New York City
   and the surrounding areas. This signal is simulcast in Philadelphia
   (WYSP-FM, 94.1), Baltimore (on WJFK-AM 1300), and Washington, DC
   (WJFK-FM, 106.7 FM, actually from Manassas, VA, so the signal may not
   be good in the northern suburbs), and is simulcast in LA and then
   rebroadcast on tape delay when morning drive starts. The LA times and
   frequency are: 97.1 FM KLSX from 3 to 6am live, and then tape delayed
   from 6 to 11am.
   
    Howard's newest market is Pittsburg, PA, the X, WXDX, 106.7. Welcome
   Pittsburgh to the Howard Stern family. You no longer need put up with
   bad Howard wannabees.
   
   Howard's show is still spreading. He is in Las Vegas (KFBI, 107.5),
   Cleveland (WNCX 98.5), Dallas (KEGL, 97.1), and Chicago (yes - he is
   back in Chicago, on AM - he was on FM and then they decided they
   didn't like his style, so they honorably bought their way out of his
   contract, and he was off of the radio there for one day before an AM
   station put him back on). There is also 103.9 FM (Q104 - WQBK) in
   Albany, and Rochester, NY (WNVE 95.1/95.5). Howard claims that many
   more stations would carry him but for the FCC's vendetta against him,
   and has specifically mentioned Jesse Helms and Atlanta. Note that WLUP
   (Howard's first AM Chicago outlet) settled with the FCC and paid a
   reduced fine. As part of the settlement, the FCC has agreed to issue
   specific indecency guidelines. According to rumors, any settlement of
   this sort may have been another violation of the contract they signed
   with Infinity and Howard. Howard has more clearly spelled this out: It
   was a violation of the contract that they had with Howard. Firing him
   was fine, but there was a buyout that they had to pay.
   
   WWKB from Buffalo, NY (1520 AM) no longer carries Howard. The whole
   show could have been picked up in Toronto, Canada, on a car radio, so
   this cuts out Canadian fans.
   
   Howard is on in New Orleans, on station WEZB-FM, B97. He was moved
   there from WRNO when both stations were acquired by the same company.
   Howard's signal is better now, since, according to the company, he can
   be recieved from Baton Rouge to Gulfport. There is a one hour delay so
   that his show starts at 6:00 AM Central time.
   
   In Boston, Howard is on 104.1 WCBN from 7 PM until the show ends.
   
   Myrtle Beach (WYAV - 104.1) was graced with Howard's presense, and
   folks in the South San Francisco bay area can get Howard on KOME (see
   http://www.kome.com) in San Jose, mornings. He is doing quite well in
   both of those markets.
   
   El Paso, Texas (KAMZ 93.1), and now, Orlando, Florida "Real Radio"
   (WBCN-104.1) (I'm goin to Disneyworld!) are recent additions. And
   finally, the one that really matters to me, since I live in Boca Raton
   now: 105.9 WBGG "Howard Stern in the morning, 70's rock all day",
   which comes booming in all through Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, as far south
   as the Northern Keys, and as far north as West Palm Beach. I'd also
   expect coverage in the nearer Bahama islands, such as Bimini and
   Freeport, at least with a roof antenna. So now Howard has two foreign
   markets: Canada and The Bahamas. And, most likely, Cuba.
   
   Howard's third foreign market is Tiajuana, Mexico. Tiajuana has
   stations which broadcast in English to Southern California,
   specifically the San Diego area. San Diego has stations that broadcast
   in Spanish. I don't get it. Tiajuana's call sign is XTRA-FM (Mexican
   stations have call signs that begin with X) at 91.1 on your dial.
   Email your comments to Michael Halloran at halloran@91X.com. This adds
   to Mexican coverage from El Paso.
   
   Howard's 20th market is Phoenix, Arizona, where he can be heard on
   KHOT (now KEDJ, a different station owned by the same company).
   
   Howard is not on shortwave unless someone is pirating his stuff. AM is
   Medium Wave (MW) for you nonus folks.
   
   Finally, you may be able to get Howard on cable. Several of these
   stations have satellite uplinks (including WXRK) and your cable
   company may rebroadcast them on the FM band, perhaps at a different
   frequency. I understand, for example, that in San Diego, Daniel's
   Cablevision rebroadcasts the LA station that carries Howard at 98.5.
   Consult your cable company for information about hooking your FM
   receiver to your cable.
   
   For a much better station list including call-in numbers and so forth,
   check out this url:
   http://krishna.cs.umd.edu/stern/txt/stationlist.txt
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I'm not in any of those places. Is there a satellite feed for WXRK?
  
   
   
   No, not that can be picked up with consumer equipment. WXRK used to be
   broadcast by SCPC on Hughes Galaxy 2 channel 03, at about 57.5,
   according to Mark Geyman. WXRK's uplink is now in digital form, and
   can't be received as SCPC anymore.
   
   This is the best info I have about decoding Howard's satellite feed,
   and is pure hearsay. I saw it on rec.video.satellite a couple of years
   ago:
   
   Well if you work at a radio station, and have an extra selector on
   your sedat card your not using, you can pick up Stern on Satcom C5
   Transponder 23 SEDAT channel 15. Stern airs from 6a to Noon I believe.
   I've seen another posting saying that it is channel 14.
   
   I have also heard that the company that makes these decoders will sell
   one to anyone, and I've heard that it is not scrambled, just encoded,
   so with the right $4000? $10000? decoder, and a dish, you can pick
   Howard up. Ask on one of the satellite groups. There is some
   difference of opinion as to whether you just need the decoder, or
   whether you also need to pay WXRK for a key to their feed. I've heard
   both on the net. Find out for sure before you invest.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  How can one be expected to figure out who is who among the regulars on the
  show?
  
   
   
   Listen for a while. Want to take a shortcut? Here is an effort to
   explain:
   
   Howard Stern
          The head of the asylum. The ruler of the roost, the King on NY
          Radio, and All Media, and other points.
          
   Robin Quivers
          Howard's sidekick. Officially his news reporter, she is also
          the confidant and instigator in many cases, and also
          (occasionally) feeds him lines from the privacy of her news
          studio. She has a button on her console that she can push so
          that her microphone is directly connected to Howard's
          headphones, and she isn't heard by guests or listeners. Her
          news reports normally consist of reading the paper, and a few
          things that are put together by her interns. None the less, the
          news reports are frequently the most entertaining part of the
          show, as Howard comments on everything. Robin happens to be
          black. On Whoopi Goldberg's first live appearance on the show,
          Whoopi looked at Robin, did a double take, and mouthed so that
          she couldn't be heard on the air, "You're Black!" Robin looked
          at herself, and nodded agreement. Whoopi pointed at the
          microphone, and mouthed, "Do they know?"
          
          Robin has a book out now, Quivers: A Life. Rumor has it that it
          is currently being "remaindered in place" which means that it
          should be available at a substantial discount. But whether you
          have to buy it at full price or get it at a significant
          discount, but it and read it - it will give you an insight into
          the woman that plays Robin Quivers on the air.
          
   Fred Norris, King of Mars
          Fred handles sound effects (paints) and also keeps the show on
          schedule. When Howard started broadcasting in NY, frequently he
          would just push off the commercials for an hour. Now that they
          are syndicated, he has to take breaks at regular intervals.
          Fred cracks the whip. He is on the writing team. Fred also does
          voices for the occasional (these days) radio 'movie' and as the
          Nazi in the 'Guess who's the Jew' bits. Fred also does song
          parodies, and is a reasonably talented musician. He is now in a
          band. Robin frequently reads extremely gory, tragic news
          stories, and Fred will play a sound effect of Jackie laughing
          at the most tragic point.
          
   Jackie The Jokeman Martling
          Jackie is a comic who never quite made it big, notably because
          his standup isn't very good IMHO. He writes full time for the
          Howard Stern show, and makes a fair bit of money doing local
          appearances as well, pushed by plugs from the show. One wonders
          when he sleeps. Maybe during the show. I originally wrote this
          quite a while back, and since then, I've thought about this a
          bit. I still don't think Jackie is a very good stand-up
          comedian, but I've gained new respect for him as a writer.
          Jackie's main job, during the show, is not to take abuse, but
          to write spontaneous jokes on a piece of paper with a sharpee
          and pass them to Howard. Check out
          http://krishna.cs.umd.edu/stern/txt/jokeman-online.txt for a
          transcript of an interview with Jackie. He has incessant
          problems with his fingernails and toenails. You may hear
          references to 'fingercots' or 'miniature rubbers on his
          fingers' in connection with Jackie. A while back, it was
          announced that this was because he uses medication for
          fingernail fungus on his fingers which he holds in place with
          fingercots, which look like miniature condoms, and are
          essentially independent latex fingers from latex gloves with
          circular rims, like condoms, to reinforce the open end. More
          recently, I've heard it announced that it was because he is
          allergic to paper, and since he needs to handle paper on the
          show (to throw at guests and pass notes to Howard). +1 516 922
          WINE gets you a schedule of his upcoming appearances, and it is
          a normal toll call (no 900 style surcharge) but has a few ads,
          and a few jokes. There is more than 30 minutes of material on
          the new all-digital line. He is also on the writing team, as
          the head writer. Jackie gets two plugs a day, by contract, and
          also, because of his contract, you didn't see his face on the E
          show, although this seems to have been resolved. Jackie will
          sell you his latest comedy album by phone. Call 1-800-323-KING.
          And, yes, Jackie did take a dump in the Stanley Cup. His web
          pages can be accessed through
          http://www.interstar.com/jokeland.html.
          
          Jackie is also back to doing the page of jokes in Penthouse
          Magazine.
          
   Gary (Baba Booey) Dell'Abate
          The show's producer. He arranges guests, insures that the
          office part of the show gets done, and so forth. For those of
          you who've read Gulliver, he is also Howard's chief flapper -
          he is generally the one who makes the judgment as to whether or
          not someone speaks to Howard when they call up with a beef. He
          is called Baba Booey after his mispronunciation of Baba Looey,
          Quick Draw McGraw's sidekick on the Hanna-Barbera cartoon show.
          He was buying animation cels, and didn't know how to pronounce
          the name of the character, despite professing fandom. Gary does
          occasional personal appearances, for which he gets plugs. Gary
          is married. Despite predictions, some of them mine, he is still
          Baba Booey. He was making noise about registering Bababooey as
          a trademark recently. He is famous for the 'repeat after me'
          bit. These days, he is also 'Fa-fa'fooey, ma-ma-monkey,
          sa-sa-smelley, ra-ra-retard (which he hates) and so forth. He
          recently fathered a baby booey, named Jackson.
          
   John (Stuttering John) Melandez
          Hero of the stupid. He is paid in notoriety [he is now getting
          a salary for doing interviews] (he gets to plug his band
          appearances and occasional personal appearances, and has gotten
          a record contract because of his connections. John has been
          signed by Atlantic Records). and is typically sent out to
          interview celebrities. The questions are all prepared, but
          sometimes he gets to adlib. John's record contract has produced
          an album, which actually isn't that bad. You should be able to
          pick up "Stuttering John" at your record store. If you want an
          autographed copy, you can dial +1-201-942-OUCH.
          
   Scott the Engineer
          Scott mixes tapes, inserts the bleeps so that you can still
          hear the cursing in the background, and is hapless when it
          comes to fixing the console. He is employed by WXRK as Chief
          Engineer, and he is in the Union. He is making additional money
          because he gets a daily plug, which he has used to build up a
          DJ business/network. He has a number of DJ's who work for him
          and provide canned music for parties, weddings (Gary was
          married and used Scott's service, Rocket Entertainment) and so
          forth. This is good, because Scott smokes like a chimney and I
          wouldn't want him at one of my parties. +1-718-BAG-5040.
          
   Gorilla (Steve Grillo, but they call him Gorilla on the show)
          Gorilla is an intern who wants to be a radio personality
          someday, but who first needs to learn how to talk in English.
          Lately, he has been Gunga Din. He also hunts, much to Howard's
          amusement.
          
   Robin's News Interns
          We almost never hear about Robin's news interns.
          
   Billy West
          Billy West, the voice of Ren and Stimpy, does three days a week
          on Howard's show, doing various voices. I believe, for example,
          that he did Marge Shott (see the sound archive) and does 'Red',
          and 'Evil Jay'. Billy adds a lot to the show, but rarely speaks
          as himself. When he does, he seems to be funnier than Jackie.
          His impression of Larry Fine at Woodstock is classic.
          
          At this point, Billy may be history on the Howard Stern show.
          The answer I've heard Howard give a caller was, "Billy walked
          in my office one day, and told me he was going to California."
          I think that the amount of voice work that Billy could get
          finally exceeded the amount of money Billy got by working three
          days a week on the Stern show, and that he thought he no longer
          needed the exposure. Also, I suspect that there is a lot more
          voice work in California than New York. Who knows how much
          Billy had been flying recently. Billy did add a lot, but there
          is plenty of show without him.
          
   Vic
          [Obsolete] Stuttering Vic is a new character on the show. He is
          of Indian (the subcontinent) ancestry, and has admitted on the
          show that his mother has worn a dot on her head. Howard
          appeared to be grooming Vic to take over John's interviewing
          Job, but so far, IMHO, Vic doesn't appear to get it. It also
          looks like Vic has had his 15 minutes of fame - he hasn't been
          on the air for quite a while.
          
   Ralph Cirella
          Ralph Cirella is Howard Stern's hairdresser, makeup man, and so
          forth. He chooses clothes for Howard (or has done so in the
          past) and generally follows him around. He is known for his
          haplessness, long hair, the berry on his face, and for
          generally being a loser. He has been fighting with Gary and
          John lately.
          
   The Whack Pack
          The 'Whack Pack' consists of Stern fans who (sometimes) hang
          around together, occasionally get on the show, and so forth.
          These include people like Fred the Elephant Boy, who has a
          speech impediment, Captain Janks, who makes phony phone calls,
          Celeste, who dragged one leg, Siovhan (pronounced chivonne or
          [almost] chiffon) the transvestite, who has quit crossing over
          and is now squatting in a New York City owned building, Kenneth
          Keith Kallenbach, a loon who tried to blow smoke from his eyes
          on the TV show, and so forth. Some of these folks have tried to
          parlay their notoriety into careers: Janks has an CD of phony
          phone calls out, Fred makes appearances with wrestlers, KKK is
          trying to get a comedy career together, and has done some
          pornos, and so forth. The Whack Pack is not as popular as it
          once was, but we still hear from Fred and Janks frequently.
          
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  How can you listen to someone who is as racist/homophobic/anti-woman/etc. as
  Howard Stern?
  
   
   
   You just don't get it, do you? Howard is none of those things, in
   spades: He is an equal opportunity denigrator. Sooner or later he will
   kick one of your sacred cows in the balls, to mix metaphors in an
   udderly improbable manner. But he is still very funny. Someone on this
   newsgroup once said that a lot of Howard's humor comes from the sort
   of attitude that says, "Look at all of this crap in the world around
   us! Isn't it wierd? Isn't it funny? Sit in our circle and we'll let
   you in on the joke." Well, some of us think that we get the joke.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Is Howard Stern half Jewish? 
  
   
   
   Definitely. The question is, what is the other half? We have to
   differentiate between the persona that Howard plays on the radio, and
   the real Howard.
   
   According to Howard's radio persona, it is not Jewish, perhaps WASP.
   The half-Jewish identity may be something that Howard puts on so that
   he can insult both Christians and Jews with impunity. However, he is
   equally free with insults of Muslims, Hindus, etc. It may also be
   something that he does to avoid anti-semitism.
   
   Some folks on the net believe that the other half is Italian, based on
   something that Howard said a while back. Others point out that you can
   be a Jewish Italian, so this may have been another joke. The Jewish
   half and the Italian half may well be the same half.
   
   It is pretty clear based on statements that Howard's sister made on
   the radio that Howard, in Real Life(tm), is Jewish. Also, Howard has
   recently admitted, on the air, that he is all Jewish, and claimed that
   he was half Jewish to avoid anti-Semitism.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I want to write to Howard and tell him (what a dickhead | how wonderful) he
  is. What is the address?
  
   
   
   His address is:
   The Howard Stern Show
   600 Madison Avenue
   New York, NY 10016
   
   Particularly vehement and stupid hate letters are likely to get read
   on the air. Clueless ones well may earn a phone call.
   
   If you really can't wait, fax him at (212) 759-KFAX.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  How do I get a copy of "Crucified by the FCC"? I called 1-800-52-STERN, and
  they didn't have a clue. I just heard about this on "Best of Stern". 
  
   
   
   They never had a clue, but at one time they could take orders for the
   album, and a series of videos. The album hasn't been for sale for
   quite a while, and is now a "collector's item". This just goes to
   prove that you should always buy every Howard Stern premium offered,
   immediately. The 1-800-52-STERN was in use for Butt Bongo Fiesta, and
   was then in use for for the backstage tape of New Year's Rotten Eve,
   which he swears will soon be turned off. As soon as everyone in Miami
   buys a copy of the tape. (The Howard Stern Videotape is no longer for
   sale. 1-800-52-STERN is being answered by a recording referring you to
   a customer service line in the 512 area code for problems with older
   orders.) (As of November 5, 1995, you don't even get that, just a
   person who wants to know who you want to talk to.)
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I don't get enough bababooey in the morning. I want my computer to say
  'bababooie' instead of beeping at me. I have a Mac/Amiga/Soundblaster/NeXT
  box that can talk, and I want it to talk. 
  
   
   
   This (alt.fan.howard-stern) is not in the binaries hierarchy. Of
   course, you can post anything you want. If various sysops notice that
   this group has become a binaries group, they will treat it like one,
   and those connected by phone line or concerned about disk space may
   not carry it. As a hint: If your sysop does not carry the alt.binaries
   tree, they are unlikely to carry this group if it begins carrying
   binaries.
   
   If you do want to post digitized soundbytes, please post them to
   alt.binaries.sounds.misc, or alt.sex.sounds, as appropriate, and post
   here saying that you've done so, and other things about the sounds,
   like maybe what the message ids are or when you posted them, or how
   many parts. Anything seems to go there. I've seen whole songs posted
   there in 41 parts.
   
   Also, Harry has made Stern fans a generous offer. His words:
   
   In honor of Howard, I'm willing to offer up my machine as a central
   ftp site for Howard-related items. I'll put the stuff in:
   
   krishna.cs.umd.edu:pub/stern
   
   This should provide a more permanent repository than uunet's /tmp.
   I've copied these images here to start things off. I encourage all the
   Stern fans out there to add stuff to this collection. In particular, I
   would like to collect sound bites (like "fafafoohee", or Jackie's
   "tragic news item" laugh, for instance) and I'd like to see some gifs
   scanned in from his book, or maybe frames grabbed from Butt Bongo
   (though the quality on these images tends to suck).
   
   If you have something to download to ftp, send me email and I'll tell
   you how to do this. You won't be able to drop things off directly,
   I'll have to tell you where to put them (to keep the world at random
   from dumping on me).
   
   This will last as long as it doesn't become a problem. I'd appreciate
   it if you waited until the evening or early morning (East Coast time)
   to get stuff, but unless this becomes a problem I'm not going to worry
   about it too much.
   -harry
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
   Spoken: Harry Mantakos Domain: harry@cs.umd.edu UUCP:
   uunet!mimsy!harry
   
   Phone: 301-405-2750 USPS: U of Maryland, CS Dept., College Park, MD
   20742
   
   Harry's initial offer has grown to a rich, complicated web site. He
   has gif's, soundbytes, original articles, and weekly features. This is
   worth checking out.
   
   Web users can try the following url:
   http://krishna.cs.umd.edu/stern/
   or, if krishna's web server is down,
   file://krishna.cs.umd.edu/pub/stern
   
   If anyone knows of any other Howard Stern URL's, please email me at
   njs@scifi.maid.com.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I can't believe it. Do people really strip naked in Howard's studio, or is it
  a put on? Is it theatre of the mind, or is it really happening? 
  
   
   
   According to Mark Levy, yes they do. And I have it on good authority
   that Howard drinks Poland Spring water (Take that, Georgia!). (Note
   that both of these items can be seen, somewhat edited, on the E!
   show.)
   
   Additionally, if you can get a copy of the New Year's Eve Pageant,
   there was a fair amount of 'getting naked in the studio' footage
   there.
   
   I believe that some percentage of the folks who call in are bogus, but
   they are putting Howard on at the same time they are putting us on.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Why is is when Howard says mini-system in that ad, that everyone responds
  (exaggerating mini-). 
  
   
   
   A number of years ago, there was a comedian who regularly appeared on
   the Howard Stern radio show called Crazy Jerry, who used to do
   'impersonations' in a flat voice, the most famous of which is, "This
   is Mother Theresa speaking from the bed. God don't want me yet, man, I
   got more feet to taste." Crazy Jerry brought in a 'mentally
   challenged' girl who had a speech impediment who used to do the 'gina
   dance' (figure it out) and, when she quit appearing, brought in a guy
   who did the 'peepee dance'. I suspect, from things alluded to by
   Howard, that he has agreed not to replay any of those shows, since he
   was convinced that the girl, especially, didn't really want to do this
   stuff, but was convinced by Jerry although she wasn't competent to
   make the decision.
   
   The mini-skirt, gina dance, peepee dance, and "I love you, Jerry," all
   came from this response stuff that was done between Crazy Jerry and
   his sidekicks.
   
   (Note that this is my memory talking. There is another version of this
   story in another faq which the author claims to have tape backup for,
   so they are likely right. I still like my version better. Here is the
   other version, verbatim:)
   
   Q. What do you know about Gina (rhymes with Carolina) Girl?
   A. In late 1988 this woman called up Howard saying she loves him and
   she does the 'Gina dance. Howard sensed quickly that this woman was a
   little "off" and he asked her if so- she said she's not retarded, just
   "slow". She came down to the studio with Crazy Jerry, who was not her
   boyfriend but more of a companion. Well she did the Gina dance, laying
   down naked on the floor, but almost no one really saw it - Howard and
   even Jackie averted their eyes because she was too heavy to be
   appealing. About that time Rain Man had been a hit movie, so Howard
   called up Gina Girl again and got her to say some lines for his new
   radio movie "China Girl," starring out of the closet Stern. It was in
   this movie that she uttered the words made famous, "mini-dress"
   (usually at the same time as saying "naked dance") Howard was trying
   to fix up Steve Rossi and Gina Gina Girl but I don't think it ever
   happened.
   
   I have this all on tape and that's why I can give you this detail.
   
   All the attribution I have on this is: testnet!pr@pegasus.att.com
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  What about Howard's first book? Is it any good? Can I get mine signed? 
  
   
   
   Yes, Howard Stern has a book out, called "Howard Stern's Private
   Parts". IMHO, and in the opinion of a number of reviewers, it is
   actually a worthwhile piece of literature. As I write this, it
   completes its second week as #1 on the New York Times best seller
   list, entering the list at #1. Howard says that he wrote it, but he
   freely gives credit to a collaborator (an essay about this appears in
   the book) and to his editor (who moved into his house). There is no
   doubt that this is a collective effort and I believe that, unlike some
   celebrity books, Howard did a significant amount of work on the book
   personally, using the professionals to help him plan and polish. I
   believe that it was a successful effort as well.
   
   The above was written quite a while ago. Howard has almost published
   his new book which should be out well before Christmas, 1995.
   
   For the first book, there were a number of book signings. It looks
   like there will be no more for the hardback (but there were some for
   the paperback, but those have come to an end as well). Howard
   attracted a record number of people to his Wall Street, NY signing
   (where I got mine signed, and was on FOX 5 news that night having it
   signed), and signed a record number of books, the previous record
   being held by Mohammed Ali, the boxer. (But see Howard's new book for
   a new record.) The problem was that the crowd was too hard to manage
   (according to the police), and the police wouldn't let him sign for as
   long as he needed to. It sounds like a new record was set in LA. 8000
   books.
   
   Howard has promised that there will be signings for the new book. If
   you are in a city that has recently made Howard Number One in the
   ratings, you may get a book signing instead of a funeral.
   
   Personally, if I hadn't had mine signed, I'd mail it to the show, with
   a pleading letter, and a check for $25 (since that was what he offered
   a signature to the paraplegic from Cleveland for) as well as a
   self-addressed, postage paid mailer. At best, they will sign it and
   send it back, and at worst they will keep it (which is what they
   threatened to do when they still thought that they could have
   managable book signings) and you'll have to buy another copy.
   
   Howard has put out a paperback version of the first book, with 64 new
   pages (but only 4-5 pages of new writing), two different covers, and
   --- new book signing dates. This was an event not to be missed, if you
   were anywhere in the area. Take the day off, take the day before off,
   plan on camping in line, bring a plastic bag for your book. These
   paperback signings seem to have stopped, but there is always hope that
   there will be another one.
   
   Movie rights have been sold, and a movie is in the works. The screen
   play has been through (six?) rewrites and the original planned
   director, John Avildson, has quit. Howard has finally accepted a
   script. He has said that he will be leaving at 10 sharp during the
   filming, so when he is filming, you'll be able to tell.
   
   Do not confuse this with the paperback book titled Howard Stern, Big
   Mouth, by Jeff Menell. Make up your own mind, but IMHO, this isn't
   worth wasting your money on.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I'm looking for a BBS related to Howard Stern. 
  
   
   
   Dimnah BBS (703) 276-8060 has the Washington area's "only Howard Stern
   conference. Also includes a Howard Stern fanclub. .gifs and .bmps are
   available through the users."
   
   Also, Off Our Rockers BBS (201) 727-6917. Please download some gifs,
   according to one poster.
   
   Howard Stern BBS (free) was also mentioned recently in the newsgroup.
   1-718-449-4534
   
   Several commercial services have Howard Stern areas there, including
   GEnie.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  What about all these other FAQs I see here? 
  
   
   
   I think they are a great idea. More power to them. Between all of the
   FAQs, we'll get the Stern info to the masses. :-) If any other FAQ
   owners want to cross post to the answers group, I'll restructure this
   one so that it goes in a subdir and there is room for everyone. (This
   has been done. There is room for everyone. It isn't that hard to make
   your FAQ into a first class FAQ. Read the news.answers faq for how to
   crosspost there and to have your faq stored on rtfm.mit.edu.) The most
   notable of these is the UFAQ (Unauthorized FAQ is an oxymoron, as no
   one authorizes a FAQ) which you can get by FTP from
   krishna.cs.umd.edu, as mentioned above.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I think that the Daniel Carver stuff is hilarious. Does anyone have his name
  and address? 
  
   
   
   The Daniel Carver KKK stuff is a hoot. I want to hear the KKK line on
   a weekly basis so that I can laugh my ass off. Also, I want to write
   to Daniel Carver so that I can enourage him to appear on Howard more!
   
   It takes all kinds. The hotline number is said to be (404) 967-3479. I
   called the number and it didn't answer. Write Daniel at P.O. Box 446,
   Oakwood, GA 30566.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Was Howard Stern really running for Governor of New York? 
  
   
   
   Well, Howard Stern was nominated by the Libertarian Party of New York
   as its candidate for Governor. He had announced a reason for running,
   and a platform. The Libertarians are a serious party. They are
   considered the third largest national party, and, as a general
   political philosophy, believe that any coercion by government, except
   in very limited circumstances, is immoral.
   
   However, it has been reported that Howard's lawyer has testified that
   Howard is doing this only as a publicity stunt, and furthermore,
   Howard himself has said that he will never comply with the financial
   disclosure requirements of the NYS Election laws. This means that he
   could never be a candidate, or that if he does run, he might be guilty
   of a crime, and might be prosecuted for it. Draw your own conclusions.
   
   [As of August 4th, 1994, Howard withdrew as a candidate for Governor
   of New York. The apparent reason was that he did not want to comply
   with the financial disclosure laws.]
   
   Following his withdrawal, he endorsed the Republican candidate for
   Governor of New York, George Pataki, who, shortly thereafter,
   proceeded to come from well behind in the polls, and who has won the
   election. The results indicated that in demographic groups which
   listen to Howard, in Howard's listening areas, last minute shifts from
   'undecided' to 'Pataki' occurred.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Is Howard on the Internet? 
  
   
   
   Various rumors of various WXRK staff being on various on-line services
   have surfaced from time to time. Robin is said to be on Compu$erv, and
   Gary was/is on Prodigy. But Howard has recently gotten OS/2 Warp, and
   had activated the Internet Access bonus package. On November 28th
   1994, he admitted that he spent four hours using the Internet Access
   package, on the previous Saturday night, cruising the web, reading
   this newsgroup and others, and so forth. It is not clear if he will
   ever do it again, and he didn't give his email address. He did say
   that the internet was worldwide, and that he looked at a coffeepot in
   England. He also said that it was 'better than Prodigy because it was
   uncensored'. His comments about the newsgroup were that it was pretty
   much the same sort of idiots who call in to his show. He also asked us
   not to fax him about his definition of the Internet (which was
   slightly better than his usual mutilation of computer terms. Howard
   may finally be starting to become computer literate).
   
   His personal networking is not internet style networking, and yes, his
   computer's phone number, which accidentally went out over the air in
   touch-tone format, has been changed.
   
   These days, Howard seeems to be spending time on Prodigy, rather than
   the internet connection, where he spends time in chat rooms having
   cyber-sex, according to his reports on the air. Supposedly, there is
   stuff about that in his new book.
   
   Also, it is pretty clear that he uses OS/2 on his ThinkPad, since you
   can occasionally hear the standard OS/2 shutdown sounds in the
   background.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Whatever happened to Jessica Hahn/Pat Cooper/Richard Simmons? 
  
   
   
   Howard is feuding with them, or they are feuding with Howard.
   
   Jessica Hahn first achieved notoriety as the rape victim of Jim Bakker
   (a TV Evangelist, who was jailed for financial irregularities in his
   ministry). Howard called her up while she was hiding in her trailer in
   Long Island, got her in touch with some 'people' who made a deal with
   Playboy for big bucks, and got her a life. For a while, Jessica had a
   career because of this incident, her Playboy exposure, and because she
   was on the Howard Stern Show all of the time, mostly the latter.
   Jessica promised to be on the New Year's Rotten Eve PPV. Her boyfriend
   made her not being on the show a condition of continuing their
   relationship. Jessica backed out and Howard banned her from the show.
   It is clear to me that Howard does not want her back, unless she is
   willing to provide him 'good radio', which would include her doing
   something personally humiliating. The particular punishment now
   proposed is that the whole cast would pick their noses and collect a
   large booger, which she would roll into a ball and stick to her nose
   for the duration of her appearance.
   
   Pat Cooper was an old line comedian who cut his teeth in the Catskill
   circuit (borscht belt), and whose career had fallen into the toilet
   because he managed to piss off everyone he had any dealings with. He
   managed to get an appearance on Howard's show and did good radio, and
   Howard had him back several times. Suddenly he was in demand, and his
   appearances sold out. Then, he decided that Howard had slighted him
   because he didn't invite him to his E! interview show. Howard pried
   this out of him via telephone, and invited him in, promising to put
   the footage on the new E! show. In his shortest appearance ever, he
   walked in to the Howard Stern Radio show, blasted everyone on the
   show, and walked out. It was great radio, and they went on about his
   appearance for two days. He has an open invitation back on to the show
   at any time, and has come back once.
   
   Richard Simmons had a career before he got on Howard's show, as an
   exercise and diet guru. He seemed to have a lot of fun on Howard's
   show, becoming a personal friend of Howard, stopping by Howard's house
   for dinner, giving presents to his children, and so forth. But he had
   one major character flaw: He was a Barbara Streisand fan, and insisted
   on Howard seeing Prince of Tides with him. He ragged on Howard, on the
   air, until Howard promised to see Prince of Tides with Richard. But
   Howard can't abide Streisand, and had no intention of seeing Prince of
   Tides. This was the start, IMHO, of Richard's avoidance of Howard.
   Then, there was a tabloid report of Richard Simmons allegedly paying a
   bellboy to spank him in his hotel room. The next time Richard was on
   the Howard Stern show, Howard ragged on Richard about this, and
   wouldn't let it go. He never really got a true answer from Richard,
   but it was apparent that this affected Simmons, and he hasn't ever
   been back. A comment made by Gary was that Richard wasn't having fun
   on the show anymore. I believe that they would have Richard Simmons
   back if he wanted to come back.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Does Howard really have a small penis? 
  
   
   
   How would I know, for sure? (Don't answer that.) But this is what I
   know about penis size, and what Howard has said, over time, on the
   radio.
   
   There are two types of men folks in the world: Those whose penises
   enlarge significantly when engorged because of erection, and those who
   do not. Typically, this does not affect the final, erect size of the
   penis, at least on average.
   
   Also, typically, this is a genetic thing, and is inherited, and may
   also be associated with race. Those whose penises do not enlarge are
   at an 'advantage' in the locker room because they look larger in the
   flaccid state, and unless the men with the enlarging penises are in a
   partial state of arousal, they are at a disadvantage.
   
   Howard claims that he is "hung like a raisin". This is clearly part of
   his persona. But he has also said, on the air, that it gets larger
   when he is aroused, and has even said that it is adequate in size at
   that time. We can only, therefore, assume that Howard has a small
   penis when not aroused, and an average size penis when aroused.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I've seen a new Howard Stern album in the stores! Why isn't Howard hyping it?
  
  
   
   
   "Unclean Beaver" is a re-issue of an old (1982) album, originally
   titled "50 Ways to Rank Your Mother" that was issued before Howard
   came to WNBC New York. Howard has mentioned it on the air a few times.
   He wrote a deal that caused him to not recieve any money when this
   album was first produced, and probably would rather that you not buy
   this album. The Howard Stern on this album is a very early version of
   the Howard Stern we now hear on the air. There are a few very funny
   bits on the album: Neil Young's Cat is a timeless bit of humor that
   captures the essense of Neil's singing ability. "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OJ"
   shows that OJ really was never able to hide his essense from Howard.
   Material that didn't wear as well, such as the "Unclean Beaver"
   episodes still give one an insight into the early Washington shows.
   
   Since Howard says that you shouldn't buy it, I suppose that you should
   do penance if you buy it by making copies for anyone who asks. Someone
   taped a copy of the record for me back in 1982 (which is why Howard
   didn't make any money on it, I guess) and that was my first exposure
   to Howard. I thought it was funny and topical back then.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  Howard Stern's Second Book 
  
   
   
   Howard Stern's second book was due out November 14, 1995. The title of
   the book is Howard Stern, Miss America. On November 6th, the lawyers
   from the Miss America pageant note that "Miss America" is a trademark
   of the Miss America Pageant, and may be seeking an injunction
   preventing the sale of the books. More in this space as things are
   known.
   
   Howard decided to put his book on sale early as a preemptive strike
   against the Miss America Pageant's threatened attempt to block sale of
   the book. As of November 7, 1995, it is on sale, but who knows for how
   long? If the Miss America Pageant people carry through with their
   threat to block sale of the book, these books that are purchased now
   will be true collector's items, and if not, then these will be first
   editions, first printings. In any case, Howard Stern fans should call
   or visit their local book store and buy their copy as soon as
   possible. Perhaps the best strike against the Miss America people
   would be to clean out the distribution channels before the lawyers
   have a chance to move. Then, if Howard's publishers have to pull and
   re-title the book, it won't hurt them as bad.
   
   Some of the early books have pages that are upside down.
   
   Chapters about
     * Computer Sex.
     * Michael Jackson.
     * Mental Illness.
     * Phony phone callers.
     * Celebrities Howard loves.
       
   and more!
   
   
   
   Photos of Jackie's butt. Photos of the phony phone callers.
   
   Get yours today!
   
   The books are generally available. A book signing schedule has been
   announced and book signings are already occuring. The schedule seems
   to have stabilized. Listen to the show or watch alt.fan.howard-stern
   for details.
   
   Howard's first book sold out pretty much everywhere you could hear his
   show on the air, because the publishers were not willing to invest in
   large printings. Therefore, the book went into multiple printings
   pretty quickly. This time, the publishers were convinced, and they
   first printing run was extremely large. So now that shipping has
   completed, the book is available pretty much everywhere.
   
   Howard's announced upcoming signings, as of Wednesday, November 22:
    1. Wednesday, November 29th, San Francisco, Virgin Megastore, 2
       Stockton at Market, 11 AM - 2 PM (past)
    2. Thursday, 2 AM, they will do the show from the Monkey Bar, sleep,
       then The Tonight Show, sleep again, then the show again at 2 AM
       Friday, probably from the Monkey Bar again. (past)
    3. Friday, December 1st, Los Angeles, Borders Books, Westwood Blvd, 2
       blocks from Wilshire. (past) This signing set a new record for the
       number of books signed by an author in a single session. Howard
       says he signed almost 20000 books.
    4. Saturday, December 9th, 1995, there is supposed to be a signing in
       Philadelphia at Tower Books, at 10:00 AM. Call them or listen to
       the show for details. If he goes to Philadelphia at all, the
       signing will be limited to three hours. Details are supposed to be
       announced on December 6th. Right now (December 5) Howard thinks he
       will cancel it because he thinks that three hours isn't enough.
       But today, December 6th, the book signing is back on. We are told
       that he can stay as long as he wants, but if I were going I'd get
       there real early.
    5. The last book signing will be in Cleveland on December 19th, 1995.
       Howard says he will sign the book of anyone who gets in line
       before 10:00 AM. Barnes and Noble Bookstores, 5900 Mayfield Road,
       in the old Mayfield Theater building, in Mayfield Heights. It is
       '2 hours' from Pittsburg, according to Howard. This signing is now
       past, and no more are promised.
       
   And, by the way, we never heard from the Miss America pageant lawyers.
   
   For another review of Howard's second book, please check
   http://www.reasonmag.com/reason/9603/dept.bk.STERN.text.html.
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I keep hearing about all of these D.J.'s getting fired at WXRK in New York,
  on Howard's home station. What is going on?
  
   Howard's flagship station, WXRK-FM in New York, has undergone a format
   change. This was because, basically, they were playing crappy music
   (badly selected classic rock) and had no significant ratings outside
   of Howard's time slot.
   
   They have changed to a format similar to KOME (Howard's San Jose,
   California station) which features a mix of music, much of which is
   from this decade, and which is more of today's rock.
   
   It is a fact that, in the D.J. business, when format changes happen,
   all of the DJs who were strongly associated with the old format are
   outta there. Frequently they fire everyone, just so that everyone
   understands that they have made a clean break.
   
   It is not clear that WXRK has made a decision about who to keep and
   who to let go, but one positive thing has happened: The Greaseman is
   off of WXRK.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
  I would like to post to alt.fan.howard-stern, but for some reason, I can't
  use my news software to do it. Is there any way I could mail my posts
  somewhere? 
  
   If you mail your posts to alt-fan-howard-stern@scifi.maid.com, and
   they aren't all quotes and there is nothing odd about them, they will
   get posted. Note that this works for only a few groups that I have a
   personal interest in, and not for all newsgroups in general.
   
   
     _________________________________________________________________
   
   Back to maid.com home page
-- 
Nick Simicich - njs@scifi.emi.net - (last choice) njs@bcrvm1.vnet.ibm.com
http://scifi.emi.net/njs.html -- Stop by and Light Up The World!
