XPost: alt.politics.homosexuality, soc.men, alt.califrnia 
 XPost: alt.religion.christian.episcopal, alt.religion.christian.lutheran, 
 alt.religion.christian.roman-catholic 
 From: jappleseed@hotmail.com 
  
 Homo's Still At The Bizarre Behavior. 
  
 Baltimore News 
  
 Tuesday, May 10, 2004 
  
 "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only 
 trying to retrieve the Gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors 
 in the Severe Burns Unit of Baltimore City Hospital. Tomaszewski and 
 his homosexual partner Andrew (Kiki) Farnom, had been admitted for 
 emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. 
 "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our 
 gerbil, in." he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' 
 my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he 
 wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, 
 thinking that the light might attract him." 
  
 At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what 
 happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a 
 flame shot out of the tubing, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and 
 severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and 
 whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the 
 intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." Tomaszewski 
 suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the 
 gerbil, while Farnom suffered first and second degree burns to his 
 anus and lower intestinal tract. 
  
  
 TOP 11 SCARIEST THINGS ABOUT THIS STORY 
  
 11. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum." - Good start. 
  
 10. "As usual,Kiki shouted out "Armageddon" - They do this frequently? 
 (Or, at least they have done this more than once). 
  
 9. "So I peered into the tube." - I'm sorry, but that's like looking 
 through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use binoculars to stare at 
 the sun. 
  
 8. The poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem) being 
 shot out the guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel. 
  
 7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of 
 someone's anus. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt the said 
 gerbil was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's 
 tunnel of love. 
  
 6.Homosexuals walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas 
 in their rectums. 
  
 5. This happened in Baltimore!. What kind of people are they there. 
  
 4. "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't this make the 
 burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome relief? How does 
 one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And the smell 
 of a burning anus must be in the top five most horrible scents on the 
 face of God's green earth. 
  
 3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for: 
 "Idiotic homosexual men who shove rodents up their butts." 
  
 2. Homosexuals do this kind of stuff for fun! 
  
 1. They are living in close proximity to you! 
  
 --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05 
  * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)