XPost: nyc.transit, ny.general, triangle.general 
 XPost: nyc.politics, alt.pets.rabbits, nyc.personals 
 From: uberkook@pizzaputz.com 
  
 Plugger the kit killer AKA Sherlene Tweten wrote: 
 > 
 > Subject: 40 Ways to tell You're a NEW YORKER 
 > 
 > 1. You are going home from work by subway and you know 
 > exactly where on the platform the doors will open that 
 > will leave you right in front of the stairways at your 
 > home station. 
  
  
 That could be anywhere, retard. 
  
 > 
 > 2. You refuse to eat any pizza slice that can't be 
 > folded in half so that you can eat it while you walk. 
  
  
 That could be anywhere, retard. 
  
 > 
 > 3. You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. 
 > like the city in Texas 
  
  
 Whiney NYC fuckwits don't know how to pronounce Houston. 
  
 > 
 > 4. Paying 7 dollars for cigarettes will eventually 
 > seem reasonable. 
  
  
 Youz shouldn't smoke in front of yer wabbits, Plugger. 
  
 > 
 > 5. You get upset that a cabbie is obeying all the 
 > rules of the road (speed limit, turn signals, etc). 
  
  
 That could be anywhere, retard. 
  
 > 
 > 6. Someone passes out on the train you mistakenly 
 > think he is dead and think, "Why does he have to die 
 > on MY train because this is going to make me late for 
 > my appointment." 
  
  
 Youz just wanna mug him don't youz, Plugger? 
  
 > 
 > 7. You cross the street anywhere but in the corners, 
 > yelling at the cars for not respecting the fact. 
  
  
 That could be anywhere, retard. 
  
 > 
 > 8. You move 8,000 miles away...spend 10 years learning 
 > the local language and yet when you open your mouth to 
 > speak people still say, "you're from Brooklyn aren't 
 > you?" 
  
  
 Yer from a shithole in Tribeca ain't youz, Plugger? 
  
 > 
 > 9. You return after 10 or more years living outside 
 > NYC, and the first food you want are real pizza and 
 > White Castle sliders. 
  
  
 LOL!!! What a maroon. NYC has the world's shittiest pizzas. 
  
 > 
 > 10. You start thinking that a 500 square foot 
 > apartment is large. 
  
  
 LOL!!! What a maroon. 
  
 > 
 > 11. Your co-worker commutes 45 minutes by train to a 
 > 2,000 square foot house in the suburbs that was the 
 > same price as your 500 square foot apartment that you 
 > commute 35 minutes by subway to...And you think: 
 > "sucker" 
  
  
 Yep, youz are, Plugger. 
  
 > 
 > 12. You know the differences between the various Ray's 
 > Pizza establishments. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 13. You see Harrison Ford walking down the street and 
 > nobody seemed to care to look at him. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 14. You know who Dr. Z is... (inside joke...us NYCers 
 > get it) 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 15. You have at least 50 menus in your apartment, two 
 > thirds of which you have neither ordered from nor even 
 > heard of. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 16. You know that the off the shelf insecticides work 
 > as laughing gas to the super resistant cockroaches in 
 > your building. 
  
  
 LOL!!! Youz live in a sewer, Plugger. 
  
 > 
 > 17. You get ready to order dinner every night and must 
 > choose from the 4 major food groups: Chinese, Mexican, 
 > Italian or Indian. 
  
  
 Youz left out Japanese, Korean, French, Spanish, etc. 
 Butt then, youz never had any taste. 
  
 > 
 > 18. You wouldn't dream of going to Times Square on New 
 > Year's Eve. 
  
  
 Youz go New Year's Day to pick thru the crap. 
  
 > 
 > 19. Your internal clock and daily calendar are 
 > permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the 
 > Street parking regulations are suspended or in effect. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 20. You know what a bodega is. 
  
  
 Who doesn't, fucktard. 
  
 > 
 > 21. You freak out because a stranger says hello. 
  
  
 Youz would, kook. 
  
 > 
 > 22. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your 
 > wallet. 
  
  
 Like youz have one. 
  
 > 
 > 23. You pay no attention to the nice lady walking down 
 > the road having a perfectly normal conversation with 
 > herself. 
  
  
 Same thing youz do, Plugger. 
  
 > 
 > 24. You pay "only" $230 a month to park the car. 
  
  
 Youz don't drive, Plugger. 
  
 > 
 > 25. You watch the show "Sex and the City" as a 
 > documentary about the people you know. 
  
  
 Like youz ever had sex with a real woman. 
  
 > 
 > 26. You visit friends out of town and you can't get to 
 > sleep because the quiet freaks you out. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 27. Your reaction to a presidential visit isn't "oh 
 > boy, what an honor" but "oh no, what a pain traffic is 
 > going to be." 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 28. The names Crazy Eddie, Tom Carvel and Joe Franklin 
 > bring a smile to your face. 
  
  
 fag! 
  
 > 
 > 29. When as the announcement comes on the PA on the 
 > subway platform you turn your head, cock your ear, and 
 > when it's over you walk to the stairs to a chorus of, 
 > "Wait! Wait! What did she say??!" 
  
  
 Youz liketa cock yer ear don't youz, queer? 
  
 > 
 > 30. You can take a catnap on the subway and wake up 
 > when your stop is announced. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 31. You looked forward to riding the subway to read 
 > the next installment of Marisol and Julio [I did]. 
  
  
 LOL!!! What a maroon. 
  
 > 
 > 32. The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage 
 > you buy, even if it is beer. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 33. You understand that the plural form of you is youse. 
  
  
 Its YOUZ, shithead. 
  
 > 
 > 34. You cheerfully make left turns from the right-hand 
 > lane and give old ladies the finger as they cut you 
 > off in traffic, but would NEVER make a right turn on a 
 > red light. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 35. You know that if a parking space looks too good to 
 > be true, it is. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 36. You're making $70,000 and you're "scraping" by. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 37. Nothing is north or south...it's uptown or downtown. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 38. Almost everyone you know has a story about how 
 > they finally got home after the WTC fell. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 39. Killer Bees are not just insects anymore, but the 
 > taxi cabs that try to run you off the road. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 > 
 > 40. You take harsh criticism of the city by a non-New 
 > Yorker as a personal insult, but readily accept and 
 > often agree with the same criticism coming from a 
 > fellow New Yorker. 
  
  
 yawn 
  
 -- 
 Freddie 'fag' Shorts 
  
 I'm loud and I'm proud. I'm gay and I like it that way! 
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