XPost: news.admin.censorship, news.admin.net-abuse.misc, news.ad 
 in.net-abuse.usenet 
 XPost: alt.usenet.kooks, us.config, us.misc 
 From: Ben@neb.rr.com 
  
 "Martin Hannigan"  wrote in message 
 news:ucabal_1063897347@world.std.com... 
 > THE USENET CABAL 
 >    FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS 
 > 
 > 1. What is the Usenet Cabal? 
 > 1a. How can I join The Cabal? 
 > 1b. Why do I want to join The Cabal? 
 > 1c. What does 'tinc' mean? 
 > 1d. What is a Cabal ID number? 
 > 1e. Is the NSA really involved? 
 > 1f. Is Monica Lewinksy REALLY in The Cabal? 
 > 
 > 2. What is the mission of the Usenet Cabal? 
 >         a. How will you sustain this mission? 
 > b. Does The Cabal have a limit? 
 > 
 > 3. Who is interested in The Cabal? 
 > a. Why are they interested? 
 > 
 > 4. Cabal Organizational Structure 
 > a. Cabal Organization Chart 
 > 
 > 5. Cabal Haters 
 > a. Who hates the Usenet Cabal? 
 > 
 > 6. Usenet Cabal Resources 
 > a. Usenet Cabal mailing list. 
 > b. Usenet Cabal newsgroup. 
 > c. Usenet Cabal Public Relations Web Site 
 > 
 > 7. Rumored Cabal Members 
 > a. Who? 
 > 
 > 8. Where does The Cabal meet? 
 > 
 > 9. Does Speedbump really have no arms? 
 > 
 > 10. How does the CABAL communicate in and outside the 
 >     organization? 
 > 
 > - BEGIN FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS 
 > 
 > 1. What is The Usenet Cabal? 
 > 
 > The Usenet Cabal is an association of Internet Service Providers, 
 > Network Access Providers and Content Providers that run medium to 
 > large scale news systems all over the entire world. The NSA advises 
 > us that when the International Space Station is operational, they 
 > too will participate, although their involvement will be secret. 
 > It's suspected they will monitor feeds off the satellites for 
 > intelligence purposes. 
 > 
 > 1a. How can I join The Cabal? 
 > 
 > You can't. The Cabal will come to you requesting your application 
 > for membership. If you receive such a request, inform noone, complete 
 > the applications and mail it to: 
 > 
 > Usenet Cabal 
 > c/o NSA Internet Office 
 > 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 
 > Washington, DC 20002 
 > 
 > 1b. Why do I want to join The Cabal? 
 > 
 > Membership has its priveleges. As a full member of The Cabal, 
 > you will attend NSA sponsored Cabal meetings at locations all 
 > over the world. You get input on major news decisions including 
 > re-organizations, rmgroups and how to deal with anti net.freedom 
 > groups. You will also receive a Cabal Card, good for discounts 
 > at BestBuy[tm]. 
 > 
 > 1.c What does 'tinc' mean? 
 > 
 > 'tinc' stands for "There is No Cabal". Contrary to populist belief, 
 > there *is* a Cabal. You think 50,000 newsgroups created themselves? 
 > 
 > 1.d What is a Cabal ID number? 
 > 
 > A Cabal ID number is a unique identifier of Cabal Members. You 
 > *must* be a Cabal member to display it in your signature. It 
 > consists of a 10 place alphanumeric sting. The alpha character on 
 > the end is a special 'check digit' to guard against forgery. All 
 > Cabal members have an application that can check your ID. 
 > There is a special caveat attached to this number: You may request 
 > a number and automatically become an Associate Member of The Cabal. 
 > When you receive your number you must display it with the prependation 
 > of ASSO-XXXXXXXXXX. Number requests can be sent to info@fugawi.net, 
 > The Cabals Grand Poobah. 
 > 
 > 1.e Is the NSA really involved? 
 > 
 > We can neither confirm nor deny NSA association with the Usenet Cabal. 
 > But see the address for returning your application for clue. 
 > 
 > 1.f Is Monica Lewsinky REALLY in The Cabal? 
 > 
 > Monica Lewsinky has been associated with The Cabal since 1992. 
 > Before her *ahem* career at the White House, Monica was a staffer 
 > at The Cabal House. Her tenure at The Cabal House was short lived. 
 > It has been alleged that she had held a secret affair with The 
 > Chairman of The Cabal. Subsequently, we placed her at the White House 
 > as a way to keep her out of trouble, much like we placed Oliver 
 > North. Oh well, we'll keep trying. 
 > 
 > 2. What is the mission of The Cabal? 
 > 
 > "The mission of the Usenet Cabal is to peacefully 
 > manage Usenet beyond the screams of Anarchy and retain 
 > non governmental control over its operations. We will 
 > serve users world wide with fair and accurate administration 
 > as well as a 'small government' mindset to insure that 
 > Usenet remains free and vital to the Internet at large" 
 > 
 > - Chairman, Usenet Cabal '88 
 > 
 > a. How will you sustain this mission? 
 > 
 > The Cabal is usually a peacful organization. However, there have been 
 > historical times when The Cabal has taken action, with extreme prejudice. 
 > Our government association gives us access to certain organizations in 
 > the United States that will support The Cabal in times of need. 
 > 
 > b. Does The Cabal have a limit? 
 > 
 > The Cabal will not be stopped. Does that answer your question? 
 > 
 > 3. Who is interested in The Cabal? 
 > 
 > The following parties hold interest in the Usenet Cabal: 
 > 
 > - National Security Agency 
 > - Department of Defense 
 > - United States Secret Service 
 > - Central Intelligence Agency 
 > - U.S. Department of Justice 
 > - Yugoslavia 
 > - Worldcomm 
 > - NASA 
 > - Speaker of The House, United States House of Representatives 
 > - Sprint 
 > - U.S. West 
 > - Bell South 
 > - AT&T 
 > - BellCore 
 > - Bell Atlantic 
 > - GweepNet Cooperative 
 > - Fugawi Networks, Inc. 
 > - Massachusetts Institute of Technology 
 > - New England Technology Forum 
 > - Inter Exchange Virtual Networks, Inc. 
 > - NOGS 
 > - Jay Leno 
 > - Peoples Republic of Cambridge, MA 
 > - The Druid 
 > - Tuco Pacifico Ramirez 
 > - Omega Dave 
 > 
 > 3a. Is The Cabal really traded on the NYSE? 
 > 
 > No. Usenet Cabal shares are traded on the NASDAQ. Symbol: UCBL 
 > You must access a special section of the NASDAQ website in order 
 > to get a quote. You will receive a SecurID fob when you are allowed 
 > to access the site. Access to the symbol and it's reports are 
 > restricted to The Cabal High Council. Bear Stearns was the market 
 > maker for the IPO. UCBL secretlywent public on 1/5/92. There is talk 
 > of a spinoff in order to create the "Web Cabal". Stay tuned for 
 > more information. 
 > 
 > 4. Cabal Organization Structure 
 > 
 > Due to the war on terrorism, the Cabal has taken a war time 
 > stance. We are now reporting to the Secretary of Homeland 
 > Security, Secretary Ridge. All other details are Top Secret. 
 > Refer to Federal Security Handbook section 7, para 9. 
 > 
 > 4.a Usenet Cabal Organization Chart. 
 > 
 >        POTUS 
 >                          | 
 > SEC. Homeland Security 
 >    | 
 >           MTV Liason ------|---------Board of Directors 
 >  Mind Control Res.|        |     |- Usenet Gov't Surveillance Unit 
 >                            | 
 > ------------------------- 
 > | | | | 
 >    PRESS       NSA    DOD     EXECUTIVE 
 >    RELATIONS   LIASON LIASON    OFFICERS 
 >     | | 
 >     | |---------GRAND POOBAHS 
 > ________   CABAL MEMBERSHIP  |- State Governors 
 >   |      | 
 >     PROPAGANDA  USENET 
  
 [continued in next message] 
  
 --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05 
  * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)