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 Archive-name: personals/straightfaq/part3 
 Posting-Frequency: bi-weekly 
 Version: 1.98 
  
  -=-=-=- 
  
 THE STRAIGHT FAQ by Dean Esmay 
 PART III OF III 
  
 Q: HOW DO WE PLAN A FIRST MEETING? 
  
 A: I recommend picking a safe, neutral spot, and just sitting down 
 over coffee, or perhaps light dinner at a casual restaurant. 
 Emphasize that your first meeting will be for just that, MEETING. 
 Don't expect much more than that you'll sit down, get used to what 
 the other person looks like, maybe have a bite to eat, then go home. 
  
 For guys, you may want to invite her to bring along a friend.  This 
 will make her feel safer.  The point is, make it somewhere public, 
 safe, and neutral, and done in such a way that either one of you can 
 bow out gracefully if things aren't going well. 
  
 And if it doesn't work out, or the other person decides at the last 
 minute not to meet you, hey, that's okay!  It happens to practically 
 everyone!  And who on Earth said you're the perfect someone for 
 everyone you meet anyway?  Who said that everyone you meet is the 
 perfect someone for you?  At minimum, you should have made a new 
 friend this way; maybe more will develop, or maybe it won't. Stay 
 calm, don't expect much, but be open to whatever might happen.  And, 
 enjoy your new friend! 
  
 -=-=-=- 
  
 OTHER GENERAL/MISCELLANEOUS QUESTIONS 
  
 Q: WHAT ABOUT AGE?  I MAY BE TOO OLD TO FIND ANYONE. 
  
 A: Nonsense!  From what I've seen, most of the women who frequent 
 personals areas online are in their 20s and 30s, but I've seen any 
 number in their 40s, 50s, and even older. The age range of men seems 
 to be bigger, but there're an awful lot of men out there who don't 
 mind an older woman, and vice versa.  In America and Canada, divorce 
 is also common, so you'll frequently find a man or woman in middle 
 age or later looking for new love.  The people who REALLY seem to 
 have the most trouble finding anyone are the young twenty-something 
 males looking for someone in their own age range or younger.  That 
 can suck if you're in that group, but for just about any other group, 
 the pickings are good...  and anyone will find someone if he (or she) 
 is just patient. 
  
 Don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself because you're 45 and not 
 married. Just post.  There's someone out there for you.  Really! 
 Just remember, again and again, be honest, be sincere, be specific 
 about what you want, and BE PATIENT! 
  
  
 Q: WHY AREN'T THERE SEPARATE alt.personals GROUPS FOR STRAIGHTS AND 
 FOR GAYS, OR MEN LOOKING FOR WOMEN, MEN LOOKING FOR MEN, WOMEN 
 LOOKING FOR WOMEN, ETC.? 
  
 A: This comes up periodically.  Frankly, it strikes me as a fine 
 idea.  However, some people are against it, even downright hostile to 
 the notion.  The basic thinking against it comes to three points: 
  
 1) Separating gays from straights would amount to forcing gay people "to 
 the back of the bus" and into a "ghetto." 
  
 2) You can just use a kill file to get rid of the posts you don't 
 want. 
  
 3) Some sites would not carry groups for gay people, leaving them with 
 nowhere to post. 
  
  
 I don't really buy into #1 myself.  #2 is specious, because so many 
 people are inconsiderate and refuse to use subjects that are easily 
 identified by a kill file. 
  
 #3 IS a pretty good point. 
  
 Ultimately I'm not sure exactly where I stand, but if you're really 
 interested in seeing something like this happen, write up a proposal 
 and bring it to the alt.config news group for discussion.  Arguing 
 about it anywhere else is pointless. 
  
  
 Q: WHAT THE HECK IS A KILL FILE ANYWAY? 
  
 A: It is a feature in some news reading software to filter out 
 unwanted posts. You tell it not to show you articles containing 
 certain words or phrases or posted by certain people.  It can be 
 helpful in some places, but until more people start using simple, 
 easily identifiable titles to their personal ads, this will remain a 
 mostly-useless feature for us. 
  
  
 Q: WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH ALL THESE MESSAGES FROM "ANON." MAIL 
 ADDRESSES? 
  
 A: Anonymous users.  There are several "anonymous name servers" out 
 there that allow people to post on Usenet anonymously.  How this is 
 done is beyond the scope of this FAQ; however, I will note that 
 almost every anonymous message posted includes a short paragraph 
 right at the end telling how to get your own anonymous address.  So 
 if you want an anonymous address of your own, just read a couple of 
 messages from anonymous people. 
  
 (Please, don't email me to ask me how to do this. Just read messages 
 from anonymous users, and you'll find out what you need to know.) 
  
  
 Q: WHY WOULD ANYONE POST ANONYMOUSLY?  ARE THEY WEIRDOS OR WHAT? 
  
 A: Some may be weirdos, but for the most part, they're just people 
 who'd prefer not to be publicly identified at this time.  There are 
 several very good reasons for this: 
  
 1) You may be uncomfortable letting someone know your real e-mail 
 address until you know more about that person, since it may be 
 possible to track you down this way through Finger, Ph, or whatever. 
  
 2) Some people get e-mail addresses from work, and would rather not 
 have their company name affiliated publicly with their personal ad. 
  
 3) Some may just be private people who are shy or don't want their 
 friends to know they're using Usenet personals.  (I don't think they 
 should be embarassed, because this is a fun and easy way to meet 
 people, but hey, I'm not going to pass judgement.) 
  
 Some people seem to think that using an anonymous name server means 
 you want to hide so you can play tricks on people.  I must admit, it 
 does seem that a lot of the more rude or dishonest people use 
 anonymous e-mail addresses to hide themselves.  But for the most 
 part, there are all kinds of very interesting and worthwhile people, 
 male and female, who use these services.  So my advice here is that 
 you may want to be a tad more cautious in approaching an anonymous 
 person, but otherwise, I wouldn't read too much into it. 
  
 One tip though: DO NOT give your phone number or address to, or agree 
 to meet with, anyone who won't provide you with their own name, 
 address, and phone number.  You may want to wait until you've 
 exchanged mail for a while before asking for this information, but 
 you're going to have to have it eventually if the relationship is to 
 get past the email stage. It's okay to be patient if the other person 
 seems shy or wary, but eventually you're going to have to have this 
 information.  Don't involve yourself with anyone who insists on 
 maintaining secrecy beyond a reasonable point. 
  
  
 Q: HOW MUCH SHOULD I WORRY ABOUT MEETING SOMEONE DANGEROUS THIS WAY? 
  
 A: You shouldn't worry all that much about it.  Most people aren't 
 really dangerous, after all. 
  
 Still, while I hesitate to put it this way, let's be blunt: we're all 
  
 [continued in next message] 
  
 --- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05 
  * Origin: you cannot sedate... all the things you hate (1:229/2)